Thanks so much!
I probably need to ask her about what she would use. The last time we bought her a cell phone she NEVER used it. But I think after a few falls recently she might be more agreeable. Once time she called me. It was night time and I had to call the night CNA at her assisted living. I live 2 hours away so I can’t just rush there. My sister is close but tends to be harder to reach.
That’s a great system!
Nurses come to bring my Mom medication several times a day, including first thing in the morning, which is great because I know someone is checking in on her.
Yeah, my Mom’s place doesn’t have a wearable alert device. Maybe I’ll talk to the nurse there and see if it’s an option. I highly doubt they’d be super speedy to respond, especially at night, but I would give me a little piece of mind. I know she’d be relectant to use it, but she did call me once because she fell and couldn’t get up and wanted me to call someone to help her.
That’s funny. My husband has a running watch that does the same. I got an elert the other day that he’d been in an accident. I was out of town and was freaking out and then I got a notification on my phone from our security system that their was motion at our front door. I looked at it and it was my husband doing yard work.
Alexa is an interesting option. I like that I could set it up to call either me, my sister, 911 or maybe the front desk at her assisted living facility. I will definitely be looking into that!
My mom’s (very excellent) facility has wearables. Residents were taking them off at night because they’d accidentally press them rolling over. One of the residents “invented” a case to prevent that from happening, but still allowed for easy activation. A quite brilliant design! They also have devices on the door to the hallway that alerts if it hasn’t been opened (they all get the local paper in the morning). They do a wellness check if the door hasn’t been opened by 10am. This is for independent living.
My mom also wears a Fitbit to track her afib.
Are we siblings? My mother’s community does the same thing, as did my aunt’s. They found her after having a stroke when she didn’t open her door or respond to their follow-up call.
I have two older church friends who used to call each other each day at 11am during covid. When one did not answer after several afternoon attempts, the other invoked emergency services and saved her life.
The other reason they check in is that they want to make sure that the independent living residents are engaged in the community and not sitting in their room staring at the wall.
My mom has bloomed here. We didn’t realize how isolated she was taking care of my father with his declining health and his dependence on her at their house. She now has a special touch on inviting new residents to have lunch with her, but not to push.
It’s been said here before, but you need to make the move to senior living before you need to make the move to senior living. H and I saw both our mothers age, and we are on the same page and have a plan.
Honestly, I never thought of this but it makes so much sense. Being a part of the community is so important. My mother’s community is on a college campus and residents are required to take a certain number of classes. Until Covid they were always in person. It took her a while to get involved in the community but now she is very busy and active. She moved in at 85 y/o (now 91) and just commented that since Covid, the new residents are much younger than before. Her community did a great job of keeping the residents safe and engaged.
The problem with wearable buttons is that eventually a good number of assisted living residents have dementia. They tend not to know how to use it. So either it is of no use at all (they forget or don’t remember what it is) or they use it ALL the time. My mother pushed the emergency button for a glass of water or a small question or to order her meals and aides were required to answer. Of course when a real emergency happened (choking) noone came because her button calls weren’t taken seriously.
My mom is still in her home, and we’ve talked about wearables but are pretty sure she can’t be counted on to wear one regularly. She has a cell phone but keeps it in her giant purse, in a case, in a pocket. It’s nearly impossible to persuade her to consider the possibility that she could fall and need help; very proud of herself for only having one fall (and it was minor and maybe not her fault).
we check in with her every morning but not every afternoon via FB messenger. again, she sees no need to do a late day check (and usually has spoken with one of us anyway). I don’t want her to live in constant fear, but waiting for an accident is pretty stressful too.
My mom had a button in skilled nursing. she never pressed ever and had no awareness of if or why it was present.
My MIL’s facility monitored when residents flushed the toilet and would check on them if they hadn’t flushed by 10 a.m.
My mother’s specialty dementia assisted living facility has sensors in the walls and in her bed which are computer monitored, so the computer learns what’s normal for her. If there’s a deviation from normal the computer alerts the staff. So, eg, if she starts using the bathroom more frequently, the staff is alerted and can check for a UTI.
An aide checks on them throughout the night (every few hours, I believe) by physically opening the door and looking in.
Sigh
My husband and his brother avoided all conversation with his parents over the holiday. My mil was quite negative.
I talked to mil about moving and she said she wasn’t ready. I gently told her that maybe she wasn’t but my fil was. She agreed but said she isn’t moving. That there will be a crisis and she knows but she’s not moving.
I told my husband what she said and some of my frustrations. He shut me down right away and that was the end of any conversation. There will be no criticism of his mother. Always been this way.
I asked my husband that maybe he should discuss things with his brother and my husband asked why. Mom has decided she isn’t moving. End of conversation.
Not my circus.
Ugh, sorry to hear that. It’s so hard for me to understand. I hope I do better when I’m at that point.
My dad texted that his caregiver was concerned about him this morning and discovered his oxygen level was below 90. He also has a lot of excess fluid in his legs. He didn’t want to go to the hospital, but she said she would call my sister if he didn’t agree! So he went to the ER and they admitted him to the Austin Heart Hospital due to the fluid retention.
My sister said he was very sleepy yesterday and seemed off, but she didn’t think about his oxygen being low. We are so thankful for this caregiver, who Dad pays out of pocket. She’s worth every penny.
I will fly down to Austin if he goes downhill at all. I still regret not going down when Mom was struggling in 2021.
“Not my circus” - Yes and no. Odds are that you will be involved in the help logistics. Hope they find a way through the challenges.
That’s your view now, but as someone who’s had dad living in our house for a year, “not my circus” devolves into unplanned situations fairly rapidly, and they can become your circus regardless. I wish we’d had another option. 
Not my circus, meaning how my husband chooses to communicate with his family. And his aversion to conflict
Not going to change him after 35+ years of marriage.
Of course I will help when it becomes a crisis. But if everyone is in agreement, then it’s not my place to intervene. I tried, I’ve tried quite a bit in the past. But I have my own crisis to handle, a lot of them.
There’s no moving my mil when she’s like this. She’s taught her children that she is not to be crossed.