Has anybody gone the roommate path for parents?
Originally I got excited about Silvernest (senior roommate referral service) as possibility for a neighbor. (She is quite healthy, but she had to get a job at age 75 to keep the house… which she feels is critical for her elderly cat’s wellbeing). But as I dug deeper the reviews were concerning.
My in laws’ AL facility had a particular mover that they recommended. You might want to ask. In my area, there is a company that specializes in helping seniors move into smaller homes and assisted living situations. They work with seniors to help them determine what to move with them, and they pack it - they even have a consignment store so that the nicer things that they can’t take with them can find new homes (and the seniors can make a little money). I have shopped in the consignment store in my area, and the staff seems like they really care about their seniors. You may be able to find something similar in your area.
The storage unit is an interesting tactic. It’s at a cost of course, but wonder if you could get a 6 month deal or something. Tell mom you’ll keep the items for 6 months but then need to reevaluate. You can fit a lot in a small storage space!
On the other hand that might just feel like stalling the inevitable.
We pay by the month. I got rid of almost all of it over 3 years. When I moved I did the same thing! Only faster 
It’s hard to deal with moving AND getting rid of stuff. You are already disoriented and feeling a loss and scared. The delay was helpful for me as well!
We thought about a storage unit. Mostly so my sibling could get there and decide what they wanted from my mom’s house.
My sibling couldn’t get to my mother’s for a least a few months. Could have been a long time and then would have precipitated me going down there another time. With no plan on how to disperse her belongings.
In the end we decided not to, mostly because we found someone to do an estate sale right away and wouldn’t have been possible later.
Of course now my sibling isn’t talking to my mother or I. Because they are angry how things were handled. 
Oh, if you could only see my aunt’s unfinished basement and my small storage unit! My storage unit has her 10 dining room chairs that were “too expensive” to give away; yet when I took the best and worst of the lot to consignment stores, each one told me to take them to Goodwill. It was going to be way to expensive to repair and recover them, and they were too big for my downsized home, so to storage they went. These will be going to Goodwill as soon as my SIL can come help me move them. Once that is out of the unit, I can bring what is left home and stop paying for the unit.
My aunt has everything else from mom’s original downsize in her basement. Have you every seen the trailers at donation sites, that is what her basement looks like times 10; there is stuff everywhere!! Mom still asks about some of those items, or that we made her give away some item. She has agreed to parting with some kitchenware, because what 93 year old need 2 sets of everyday dishes, place setting for 16 for each? Yet she is mad because my daughter doesn’t want them. I told my daughter to just say yes to something and then take it to be donated without mom knowing. We had an estate sale with the last move, but there isn’t enough here to do that; only a bedroom set and kitchen stuff of value.
My mom will not think of having an outside person tell her what she should keep, or where to place furniture. She had a long time decorator; he is the only person she would listen too! She actually has a good eye and knows what she wants and where. We thought we knew where we were putting her sofa so that she would be more comfortable watching tv; well, she decided we couldn’t put the sofa in front of the window because she needed to hang one of her huge paintings over the sofa as it is the only place it can go!
We have taken things (when offered) that we had no intention of using. And we have donated them. Out of sight out of mind.
Don’t feel guilty doing that. It’s either now or later…
Here’s an idea … I think they have them nationwide … What about donating to St. Vincent de Paul? We are doing that with some of my mom’s stuff. They pick it up! That alone is worth a lot to me.
My mom and I practically came to blows (not really) because I bought her a recliner (that she asked for) when she fell last year. That she hates and refuses to sit in. Even though it’s very comfortable and is in the best spot to watch tv in her space.
My mil is downsizing her Christmas decorations, asked my niece if she wanted a particular set of angels. Niece declined as she lives in a small rental home. Mil was very put out that niece said no. I told mil to ask my daughter, daughter of course said yes 
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@Youdon_tsay I just looked up St. Vincent, and it seems they are in our area. Not sure what they charge, but they do come into the home to pick up which is huge; most places want the items outside which doesn’t work when you are in an apartment. I am going to call tomorrow and see if I can get a ballpark idea of their fee.
We did auction guy, consignment and then thrift store. Storage was for photo albums, silver and those darn moldy chairs. Honestly, this is one of those situations where dementia helps. My mother totally bought that the space was up some stairs!
That is such an upside of dementia! And if you screw up and upset them, you get another chance a minute later. 
Spent four nights/five days with mom last week. Mom is in further decline – really unstable on her feet, even using a walker. Had a series of meetings with the sibs – Thursday it was decided to hire overnight help. Friday, decision was reversed. 
My sister told me that she wished that I would spend more days there a month. I told her I’m holding firm on one stint a month because they need to see that this arrangement is unsustainable and that the solution isn’t more of me coming in from out of town.
I had lunch with my friend yesterday who is a therapist, and she assures me that I’m not a horrible person. I believe that, but it’s difficult knowing that my sibs probably think that I am.
You are most definitely NOT a horrible person. But it must be so stressful having to be the one delivering logical but bad news. Hang in there.
You are not a horrible person. You are taking care of yourself - so that you can take care of your mom at a reasonable amount. It never helps for caretakers to bleed themselves dry.
It’s helps no one.
Sorry to hear of your moms decline. 
Boundaries are important! You are doing the right thing!
My MIL would ask for stuff, like one year those pillows that were advertised. BIL bought them for her and the first night, she hated them and tossed them to the floor.
I was always cautious on buying stuff she asked for. For example, one Christmas, when her sons were all in their 20’s, she asked for a black leather purse. 3 brothers purchased individually for her (we were the only ones that ‘opted’ out of that situation). She often relished in the attention and fuss from her sons as her husband was in many ways not a ‘gem of a guy’.
I need to go through some of my mom’s stuff in the garage. We have just picked at stuff that DDs wanted. It is getting a step towards St Vincent de Paul’s or other faith based thrift store.
It’s possible your firm stance makes your sibs think ill of you — but also entirely possible it makes them reconsider their own positions, and that of your mom. I agree that more family caregiving does not solve any problem and creates more of them, and would also be holding the line.
I have been lucky in that my sibs and I are all on the same “nobody gives up all their time, sanity, or money if we have better choices” page. Hang in there. Hope they come around to see your point.
My dad fell today. His lady friend discovered his oxygen was low and heart rate was slow, so she got him on oxygen right away and he improved. As always, he said he was fine. His caregiver said since it’s the third incident since he got out of the hospital, my sister needed to take him back to the ER. They’re there now. I hope he stabilizes well since I can’t travel due to having COVID.
In other Dad news, he and his friend have talked about marriage but she won’t convert to his church so it’s a no go. I called her and said I admired her decision. I sometimes wonder if my mom would have converted if she’d been fully informed about the unorthodox theology.