Oh No!!! (About the fall, not the marriage decision)
1 Like
My bffâs mother has been put on âactive dyingâ status after being in hospice more than three years.
Itâs a blessing. I want this to be over for my friend, who has flown in every time they thought this âwas itâ and it wasnât.
Sorry your friendâs mom had such an extended ending era. Hope you and your mom and sibs are doing ok this week.
Dad was discharged from the hospital with instructions to use oxygen at all times. The chances of that happening are slim to none, sigh.
In the hospital, his caregiver told PT that Dad needed oxygen when they went for a walk. PT ignored her. Only a few feet from the room, his stats started dropping, surprise, so the woman got him back on oxygen.
We really wish Dad would hire the caregiver full time again, but he doesnât want to. Itâs so frustrating. Money is not an issue. 
Oh gosh, so frustrating. My dad wouldnât use his at the recommended level because he was convinced that would create a need for even higher levels (and he was already needing it 24/7). Top of his class, lifelong engineer. Smartest man I ever knew. Nothing we or the doctors said would change his mind until he decided to change.
It is hard to draw a circle around things we can change, and leave out the things we canât. Otherwise sensible people refusing help is no fun at all.
Example: Today my mom cheerfully said she was taking the garbage out down the basement stairs and up the garage stairs (unlit, no railing, just the walls) to avoid going outside in the snow. When Local Sibling was scheduled to be there within the hour. 
My mom at first resisted wearing her oxygen when sleeping, since she was only out of breath with exertion. The nurse (with extra encouragement from us) convinced her that it was important to keep O2 levels as high as possible all of the time.
1 Like
They have decent portable supplemental oxygen units and batteries. If people get reliable oximeters and use them, they can see in real time how their O2 levels are and use O2 as needed to keep themselves in the range their mds recommend (generally 90+%).
How one FEELS and how well the body is getting enough O2 are vastly different. I just switched my equipment and now have a backpack and a 6.5 pound machine with battery that can help me when flying, climbing lots of stairs and more. I used to have a heavier, bulkier machine on a cart. Some of my friends have lighter machines they wear over their shoulders like a purse.
Using O2 as needed helps prevent heart and brain and other damage. I sleep with O2 as well. I have been using O2 regularly since 2016 and flying with it since 2008â30,000 miles or more most years.
8 Likes
One thing I have realized in dealing with my Dad is that intelligence and prudence in other areas of life do not necessarily apply to wisdom in aging. It has been frustrating to watch him taking decisions and actions that I know he would not have 20 years ago. Itâs pride and an inability to accept decline. He has endangered himself needlessly so many times and caused us so much pointless anxiety.
5 Likes
Agreed. One of the biggest obstacles in Dadâs decline was his sterling reputation , well deserved, as the guy who solved every problem. It became apparent in the family that something was wrong cognitively, but it was really hard to articulate and even harder to convince those at the non-profit he ran. And we were late in seeing that when Mom said âangryâ she meant âheâs throwing things at meâ.
Even when it was obvious, their concern was honoring his decades of work, while we were trying desperately to extricate him. I begged their chair to just help us gracefully remove him but they would not help us lest he be âhumiliatedâ.
He would not use his portable 02 unit except at his office. (he had a stationery unit at home) Travel in the car to appointments became fraught as he was totally obsessed with the unit âmalfunctioningâ. We found him attempting to disassemble it, He called the company to request new batteries, replaced the power cord, would throw the tubing at us, etc⊠My siblings disabled his car and his riding mower.
His 02 deprivation (he had institial lung disease) changed his whole personality, it was awful for my mom.
RSV vaccine for me? Age 61, no health risks, already have all Covid vaccines/boosters and Nov flu shot. I will be visiting 96 year old Dad and his wife next month to help after he is home from hip repair rehab. There is a possibility that I will be visiting him sooner at the rehab center sooner - that would likely be spur of the moment, if he gets lonely after sister goes back home⊠thinking it would be good to be ready. But maybe not necessary? (I mentioned the question to nurse last week at physical, but darn forgot to ask the PCP.)
I just turned 61 and took it when I was 60. Why not?
I qualify to have the RSV vaccine. So I have been hovering on the CVS website. It felt like overkill with no other risk factors, but now it seems it would be good precaution for Dad.
2 Likes
I think your point of view should be that you would be taking it for his benefit, not yours. Your risk is low w/RSV, his is high. Youâll be taking a flight out there and in crowded airports, etc. just prior to seeing him.
You may not have a lot of social risks in your day to day life, but it would be the risk (if you think there is) in your travel to see and spend time with him.
Has he had the RSV vaccine and his wife?
2 Likes
Yes, they are both good about keeping up on their vaccines. (Relieved about that!). Still seems a good precaution to get it, and my friends here are helping reinforce the idea.
UPDATE: Scheduled for my RSV vaccine in about an hour.
7 Likes
I am 63 with no risk factors and I also did the RSV vaccine (also flu shot and Covid vaccines). My dad as well as a close friend are undergoing chemo and I want to make sure that I protect them when I visit.
The Covid vaccines donât claim to prevent the disease; they prevent serious outcomes.
11 Likes
I have a friend 65-ish and very healthy who wound up in the hospital for over a week with RSV.
Wow - typically just very young children with compromised or underdeveloped lungs (very dangerous), or the risk with other/older people with compromised lung situations.
I wonder if RSV was not the only thing going on, although with hospitalization I imagine they did test for other things as well. Compromised immune system?
Would be interested to learn if there were other things going on, and if in the future she/he would need a RSV vaccine. It is my understanding that it is an annual type of vaccine for administration.
I donât think they would have take the time, money, research, resources to develop a vaccine for 65+ if there were not an abundance of health concerns for the virus and older people - not just those at higher risk. The 65+ is enough of a risk.
3 Likes
My MIL (96) & SIL (71) got RSV between Thanksgiving & Christmas. Both were quite sick. MIL needed oxygen, and SIL was in bed for two weeks.