My mom first refused osteoporosis meds and Prolia maybe 20 years ago. At 88 she changed her mind and started Prolia but the damage is irreversible so at 90 all it does is slow the destruction of her spine. She is in pain 24/7 with no way to relieve it. She did not get adequate calcium as a younger woman, either.
Do you or your sibling live close to them?
Thanks. I appreciate the response.
My mil has been on osteoporosis drugs for years. A small fined boned Caucasian woman. Has fallen in the past, not lately though. But didnât break anything.
My mom dismissed going on any medication until she fell last year and broke her clavicle and had a burst fracture in her back. Not as fine boned as my mil.
My in laws are resisting moving, Iâve talked about it here quite a bit. They apparently are waiting for that catastrophe.
My mom only moved after a fall, a stint in rehab and my siblings instance that she not go back into her home. She was running out of funds to maintain her house, so it made sense.
The one thing that is driving me nuts is that my in laws were gifted a dog. While itâs nice to have that companionship, the fact that itâs winter and my mil has to walk said dog, gives me great concern.
Her neighbor was taking the dog on its long walk but she fell last week and broke her arm. While walking the dog. Sheâs in her 60âs. Local sibling had knee surgery and will also not be walking the dog.
Mil is the healthy one, they decided not to have fil consult with the neurologist because they say it wonât change anything. But his strength is very weak and canât walk very far. No diagnosis.
Yes, sib is 30 min away and I am 2 miles. We are there a lot. Enjoy being with them. Retirement community is 2 miles from me.
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i wondered whether their care was a huge burden for yâall involving travel and such.
Are you OK upping the pressure? I would be. Yâall have been patiently showing them properties and now the kind they said that they want has opened up and itâs now or never.
Prolia and bisphosphonates are antiresorptives, not bone builders. Forteo, Tymlos and Evenity are. Prolia is tough to get off, because there is a rebound and increased danger of fracture unless there is a careful transition to Reclast. Over time, antiresorptives carry the risk of atypical femur fractures and jaw necrosis, though both are still rare.
Insurance companies still require trying anti-resorptives despite all the research and MD opinions that bone builders should be first. Bone builders are less effective after anti-resorptives. @kelsmom feel free to PM me. Unfortunately I have years of experience with this problem and treatments!
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Sent you a pm. I definitely donât want to get sidetracked on this thread. Itâs just that a mom breaking her hip just because she sat down got my attention & I felt the need to ask.
I think it would be ok upping the pressure with your parents. (I have a situation where Dad has a second wife. The situation is trickier. ).
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She was not on osteoporosis meds, but I donât think sheâs a good barometer for you. In addition to her severe COPD, she has metastatic breast cancer, some of which is in the bone (hip), so her bones are weakened from that.
They live 2 miles from me which is great!
We have always gotten along great and enjoyed their company. The âcareâ for us right now is mostly stress and concern and frustration. 
We do provide social and help when the computer is acting up, fix an outlet, etc. We try to bring food under the guise of âhubby had a hankering for an egg casserole but a whole one is too much for just usâ so I take them a dish. And weâre been helping them clean out the house - finding takers for things, taking stuff to the animal shelter, Good Will, etc.
I told my mom the other day, that we donât at all minimize how hard it is for them to leave their home of 55 years, but are looking forward and want them in a safe environment.
I donât feel any burden - just worry. But we are going to up the pressure if they find something wrong with the apartment we are seeing on WedâŠespecially they have been waiting for this floorplan (but as you all know, the logic and the memory isnât always there!)
I think weâve upped it some already - we have been using the word ânon-issueâ with them more. when they express some reason they may not be able to move.
Thank you for the support!
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I think your plan is good. You can be both genuinely sympathetic to them having to leave their home but also insist that the decision be made on safety. Good luck!
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This is me, but I would start with the âI canât believe the floorplan you wanted finally came open and yâall can finally move to a safer place. This is so exciting. Itâs great that yâall can move while youâre still in such good shape, Dad, so you can make sure yâall really integrate into the community.â In other words, no âI hope you like this.â This is what they have been saying they wanted so make backing out a really uncomfortable option. A non-option really.
In other news, my SIL texted that my mom fell this morning leaving her room and that they are ordering a wheelchair for her from hospice. 
My sister tried to call the house but no answer. A nurse is coming today to make sure sheâs OK.
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I wish there were a way seniors could âtryâ assisted living for a week or so. My dad was another one who was so opposed to moving, but he loved his new place from the time he moved in. But itâs hard to convince people of that ahead of time. 
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I wonder if there is a furnished unit that can be on ST rental - and that would be a way to âtransitionâ - get them there, furnish their own unit with their stuff, and have them stay. Deal with their home after getting stuff into their assisted living place.
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I had once thought the best way for Dad and is wife to transition would be to find a 2BR 1st floor apartment (3BR are always 2 story). Then slowly get moved into it, get rid of everything left in the house. Was not sure what/where for ultimate destination, but at least theyâd be downsized and ready. But⊠they so love their house and deck, the doting neighbors⊠so theyâve stayed. Now they are dealing with crisis - not caused by the dreaded stair situation, but recovery will be complicated by it.
Had the conference call with sibs. SIL wants mom to be in a scoop hospital bed, which is fine, BUT when I asked whether they are prepared to clean her up after toileting issues she said ânot really.â UGH
Some facilities do have that! Sometimes they will call it ârespite careâ.
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My in laws made the decision to move to assisted living on their own, but going through their stuff was still awful. We visited several times between the decision and the move, and they refused our help in the process. When moving day came, we were not there, but SIL went to their house. They were 100% unprepared. SIL told the movers what to take in terms of furniture. All the rest stayed behind. SIL packed some clothes and toiletries to take to the new place. H & I drove the 13.5 hours to their house and started the process of getting rid of things we knew that they didnât need or didnât have room for. Then the really hard part started. FIL decided on the rest of the clothes he wanted, and he said that he only needed his financial documents. But MIL ⊠I spent days with her, going through closets, bins, boxes, drawers, the attic. I would hold it up, and she had to say yes or no. She took some things that she really should have gotten rid of, and she got rid of things she should have kept, but we finally finished the task. She kept telling me that she wanted to keep the house, just in case, but it was too big for her to take care of. Suffice it to say that it wasnât my favorite thing. But it got done, she settled into AL, and she has been just fine.
Helping my parents downsize was the worst. I was able to go through all of my momâs things but my father refused to let me help him with his stuff. He suddenly called me two days before the move and said he needed me to come to help immediately. By then, I was living a flight away, had my husbandâs out of town family at our home for a visit, and had to drive my D back to school OOS. Needless to say, I didnât go and let the estate company deal with it. There were a few things that should have been moved but were sold instead, but there was no way I could drop everything and go. I hope to be more reasonable when itâs my turn to downsize!
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