Then…they can’t come.
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Agree with others, MOB and FOB can’t assure safety and pay attention to frail grandparents before, during, and after wedding.
BIL or other family or friend or hired aide is needed to assure safety. If not available, grandparents stay home.
Next time MIL brings up, act like it is decided. “We’re arranging livestream and facetime for you, be ready at ____time for a call…”
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I am fortunate that my parents seem to know their limits when it comes to situations like this - they know it would be too much for my mom. They live for family, so it was sad that they did not attend either of my kids college graduations (2-1/2 hrs away and 30 min away) or 2 grandkids’ out of town weddings. 
My dad would have been fine to go and really enjoyed these events, but he won’t leave my mom for any social event even if we offer to stay with mom.
Good news - after looking at many, many units at a retirement community close by, they said yes to the one we saw last week! And while we are all focused on getting my mom there, I think my very social dad will thrive there.
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To me it sounds like MIL wants definitive permission from you to not come. She doesn’t want to be the one to say “no”. Just tell her that you know they’d love to attend but that it’s probably best they stay home and that perhaps a phone call or a face time would be easier for all involved.
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@deb922 , it sounds like your MIL is in pretty good shape herself. She may be at that place where she thinks “I’m fine! I can do everything still!” - even though maybe this is where the line is drawn and clearly your FIL is not in as good of shape. It’s hard for “us” to realize our limitations. Admit to it.
Does she know that one of the reasons your D is having this ceremony (at least initially) was for them? Maybe she feels obligated to your D and her fiancé. You might (if your H agrees) have to try the route “we don’t see how we can make this happen. H and I have to be available before during and after the event as part of the immediate family for other things.” Maybe “permission” for them not to go works??? You know them best of course.
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My mil called back today.
Apparently she didn’t want our input. She talked to her other son yesterday. He must have voiced his concerns and even offered to accompany them.
Nope it only made her dig her heels in harder.
My fil said that he would stay home.
Nope
My mil is going to call AAA and arrange everything herself. We don’t need to bother ourselves about this. Her mother died when she was 7 and she is capable of doing this herself.
As I tried to interrupt her monologue, I asked her about handling all the luggage. She doesn’t need much luggage, she will do fine herself.
And yes, my mil is aware that this ceremony is for the grandparents benefit.
So she didn’t want our advice.
I know people want to give advice. A way to handle this situation. It’s not mine to handle. Or even to give advice apparently. I’ve done that. I guess I just wanted to vent about this situation.
I told mil to buy refundable tickets and gave her the name of the hotel we are staying at.
My husband didn’t try to argue with her because he knows it’s futile.
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Fine. Then stay out of it.
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This is not important at all, but yesterday my sister let her ex-husband come over to see our mom. I am so glad she warned me so that when the Ring doorbell alarm went off I knew not to check the camera. He is a horrible person, but she was part of his life for more than 40 years so I can see why he would want to see her. My sister said she knew not to have him come over when I was there so I thanked her for that. Anyway, I guess we are at the point where we need to let people know that if they want to see her they shouldn’t dawdle. I haven’t let any extended family know that she’s on hospice. I’ll try to get on that.
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(It is important. Letting everybody see her, and know where you all are in this, is another sad milestone)
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My mom is looking for a new hobby or pasttime. She is 90, with debilitating back/hip pain due to spinal collapse. In her younger years she has painted, macrame’d, knitted, and quilted (mostly the latter two). She cannot stand for long periods.Fine motor skills are difficult for her, but not impossible in short bursts (so small sewing is okay, scissors are not).
She still hand sews potholders because she can do that sitting on the couch, but she admits it is getting boring. She can see and hear at age-appropriate levels but knitting stopped when it aggravated her arthritis; quilting is too fine -motor now and she is sad about that (her quilting circle is trying so hard to keep her engaged, bless them)
When she is here the next two weeks we are going to construct Valentines for her grands/greats. But long term, she’s looking for something else. Ideas? TIA
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Scrapbooking, puzzles, reading, maybe dictating or writing down family stories or her own history, geneology…
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Pottery making or jewelry stringing?
This might be too hard with fine motor but…punch art???
Some type of collage work with old photos?
Stamp art? (make some note cards or stationary)
The Valentine’s are a great idea!!
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How about water colors, or can she do puzzles like Suduko etc? They have large print which would require less fine motor skill.
What about clay or making some things with pipe cleaners etc. I’d take a walk thru Michaels and look at the various kits
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I just did a 24-piece Disney puzzle with my 91yo mom. 
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I highly recommend Large Print Word Search Puzzles Vol 1 by Mark Danna and others in the series. After finding all the words the remaining letters solve a riddle or answer a question. Being a spiral-bound book allows it to lay flat. The large letters are easy to see.
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While I get doing something where you come away with a finished product is quite satisfying, it is also important to keep doing tasks that take thinking – such as the puzzle books.
My brother and I both have POA of our 88yo mom (he’s financial, I’m medical). He can see all her accounts but tells her she’s responsible for managing day-to-day finances. Same with me and her multiple medical issues. Her excellent independent living facility delivers a paper every day and she does the crossword puzzle. We agree she needs to keep exercising her brain! So far so good.
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Making a grid with tape on paper and painting makes very cool abstract paintings. Sitting quigong class if she can get there (I taught that in assisted living).
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Is there a Paint n Sip type place nearby? You could go to one with her during her visit and see how she does, then if she likes it, check out her area for the future. It’s also a good social activity. I imagine the instructors can help her adapt her abilities to the painting process.
If needlework is too hard with arthritis, perhaps hook rug kits.
Edit to add photography - perhaps an easy digital camera vs using a smart phone. Then take her pictures and make calendars etc.
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Can she work an iPad? We got my 93 year old mother one, even with crippling arthritis in her hands she can use it.
You can put the Kindle app on it and read books, and make the letters as big as they need to be.
My mom also does email and Facebook, and plays a few simple games on it.
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