But it’s 800 miles or something from where they live…which is going to be challenging. Have someone record the wedding…and send them that if they can’t attend. That also happened at one of our family weddings.
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My daughter is a bit unrealistic about this entire situation.
I know it sounds crazy, and it is.
The problem is that I don’t have any control in what happens.
I’ve told my in laws that this is not a great idea. They aren’t listening and their son is not going to tell them no. My husband and I have both gone over how difficult this will be. We think they’ve heard and then we get another call asking what they should do.
If it was up to me, they wouldn’t come. But it’s not. In fact I feel very powerless in this situation.
Can you make a Facebook group just for the wedding, add the grandparents, and stream the wedding live?
For our people who couldn’t travel, we mailed the program, favors, anything we could think of, so the package arrived the day of. Took the sting out of not being there. Your daughter could also call the grandparents from the reception?
if they can’t travel, won’t ask for help; your husband and BIL won’t offer to get them there – really the only thing left would be hire someone and that seems a poor idea. Some problems don’t have good solutions
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I really feel for you. When my daughter married in November, I could have invited my truly crazy brother and his partner to the next-day breakfast. I decided to let it be and not make many family members uncomfortable. No regrets!
But that was my monkey and circus, @deb922. If you can let go of this situation and not feel responsible for the decisions of other loved ones, that would be fabulous! At least to the extent that you can manage. A glass of wine and/or edible here and there might help too! 
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Yeah, hiring someone seems to be the only option I see. Someone to babysit/assist. If you think it’s a good idea I would make it non-negotiable, i.e. don’t ask them, let them know that’s how it is.
You may not have control over if they come or not, but I would make it crystal clear to your husband that his parents are his responsibility during the wedding. You absolutely do have control about your own boundaries for that weekend and if I were you, I’d prioritize enjoying the wedding to the fullest.
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As you can tell, I’m super frustrated about the entire thing and my mil’s stubbornness about accepting that my fil can’t do this.
I promise that my husband and I have laid out what would be happening. The only thing my husband hasn’t mentioned is that we fly and accompany them on the plane. If they want to pay for us to do that, then they need to suggest it.
Add to it my husband’s sibling’s inability to step up.
It makes for a stressful time.
When my niece got married in September, we helped corral the in laws so my bil could enjoy being FOB. I wonder if he noticed or just expected that his parents would be taken care of.
This is difficult when elders that really are not in shape to attend just won’t bow out of these major events . A local wedding that could be possibly manageable becomes almost impossible when major travel is involved.
You probably just need to tell them you cannot help them with travel and will work on setting up some kind of zoom type thing or sharing lots of pictures later. You need to enjoy your daughter’s wedding!
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Will you need to ge to the wedding city a day or two ahead of time? I say yes regardless because you don’t want to worry about travel delays. This is not a wake up, attend a wedding and it’a done event - this is probably 3 days minimum - are in laws aware of the time commitment and $ commitment for a place to stay in addition to flight, meals , etc ?
A neighbors daughter got married fall 2022 outside. The weather was terrible - actually some flakes of snow. The outdoor wedding location was a good hike from the inside reception . All I saw my neighbor or do that night was attend to her mom who was in poor health. And in fact, we weren’t at the reception for this part but apparently the mom fell ill and they had to call an ambulance for her during the reception, it was a bit of a mess. I only share to say no way did my neighbor fully enjoy her daughters wedding with all that responsibility. But she felt obligated. As it was, her mom probably didn’t enjoy the event either
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I do want to say that I’m in agreement with my husband in not offering to fly with his parents. We are the parents of the bride. It is our wedding to enjoy also.
And with it being 800 miles away, it would at minimum, 2 days of travel, no direct flights to the wedding city. And one day of the wedding.
My niece got married in September. A local to my in laws wedding. It was a 2 day weekend of festivities. My fil made it to the wedding and was so wiped out, he couldn’t make the next day activities. Why they think they can do this is beyond me.
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has your daughter spoken to them? Is it possible they know this is beyond them, but don’t want the bride to be mad at them?
Do you have brownies or cake handy? Seems like you need carbohydrate comfort 
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Thanks!
I thought we had persuaded the in laws that going wasn’t going to happen. Then we got a call this morning. The invitations came out. Now my mil is obsessing again about it.
I’m not drinking wine right now because my GERD is so bad. But a carbohydrate might work!
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I think that they want permission to not go.
A nice touch I did when my mom didn’t make it to ds1’s wedding is to take a framed photo of my parents on their wedding day, and ds1 and DIL held that photo for one of the formal portraits. It’s a beautiful picture. I can PM you if you like in case this doesn’t make sense. No one knew that I was doing it, but I knew ds1 was so disappointed, though understood, that my mom didn’t make it, and I wanted her to be a part of the day. Maybe y’all could do that, and maybe even tell them your plan so that they will “be” there on that special day.
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The next time they ask, give them the phone number for a senior travel escort company and wish them luck. When they hear the cost, they may change their mind. But I agree with others above that it’s the only viable solution. I think this kind of service has been discussed before in CC but no idea where or when, or if anyone actually used someone. Some of the companies will make all the arrangements as well as accompany the seniors throughout the trip. The websites specifically mention traveling for special family occasions.
Examples:
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My MIL insisted that they travel 13.5 hours north to visit the family cottage when FIL was at a point when traveling a couple hours was difficult. By the time they arrived, FIL was a basket case … he was crying. It took him days to recover. D got married the following year, and FIL wisely chose to stay home. MIL wanted him to come, but he knew that he couldn’t do it. My sister in law FaceTimed her H, who was staying with FIL, throughout the wedding. We absolutely missed FIL, but we know that he could not have enjoyed himself had he made the trip.
Wishing you a good outcome, @deb922.
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One more thought - FIL should not (or can not) travel, MIL won’t go without him, they don’t know how to stream. Is there anyone in their home town that you could hire to come over the day of the wedding with a laptop, say, and set up to stream for them? Perhaps a church/synagogue member or high school student.
Then you’d have to set something up at the wedding to live stream to them. Perhaps if there’s a wedding photographer and/or videographer they could arrange it, or maybe the venue would do it. Not you! Or have husband assign BIL, reminding him what you did for his kid’s wedding. Or have daughter/fiancé assign it to one of their friends not in the wedding party.
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That’s a good idea if they decide not to go 
. There’s a neighbor that we could ask.
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@deb922 Would your H tell your BIL that you and H took care of the ILs last time, so now it’s his turn? Do you think he could actually manage it if he were responsible?
My mom was bedridden when S1 got married. We sent her the program, Dad took video, and I took tons of pics. I also sent her flowers in the wedding colors to be delivered the day prior to the wedding. Am so glad I did. She passed away less than two months later. The last thing she and I did together was go through the wedding pictures when she was in the hospital.
The bil will not be asked. He’s not an option.
The in laws will not hire any service to help them. That is also not an option.
Then they can’t come. That IS an option.
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