It sounds like both issues need to be fixed. The radiator is leaking coolant into the engine. I don’t have the estimate from the dealership, but I’ll get it from her soon. A different shop estimated the cost to get the radiator replaced is $765, Powersteering Pump/Drive Belt replaced is $790, valve cover gasket replacement is $915, timing belt $1350, so that is $3820 from that shop. I trusted the dealership more, though, but I’m not sure what else they are recommending. They said they’d be happy to do it, but not worth the money.
On our way to look at those used cars. Maybe one will work. My mom is excited and sounds sharp as heck, we’ll see.
1 Like
I’m with @cinnamon1212 in the negative column. Sometimes, you just have to start making the right decisions for them. IMO, someone with “memory loss” shouldn’t be driving. Before getting her a new car I’d get an evaluation of this possible undiagnosed dementia.
5 Likes
I was with her at her last physical. The doctor tested her and classified it as “mild to moderate memory loss”, if my own memory serves me correctly.
We decided to go with the option of just getting what must be repaired on her current vehicle fixed. The local service station is much cheaper, and their reviews are fantastic. Just talked to the mechanic and I’m impressed. The dealership had tremendously jacked up prices, though they used to be fair.
Thank you all for the advice!
13 Likes
IMHO she needs a better assessment to give you the assurance that either she is OK to do limited driving, or it is unsafe.
2 Likes
Maybe. I might ask her doctor about that. But the question I have would be, why now? Is there something she has done that makes me think she’s unsafe? Is it just because she’s at a certain age? Is it because she has short term memory loss and that alone? She’s been driving for over 65 years without incident or accident. I have never had any concern about her driving, in fact she is quite annoying when I’m driving, always checking both ways for me and calling out any possible traffic, while of course I do that for myself.
I have to think there’s a better reason for her to lose her license (because she would be incredibly nervous and I’m guessing she would fail any test) than merely because her car needs repair and her daughter doubts she can learn a new one.
Is it possible to rent the same model? That might be a good first pass check at comfort level with all the new tech. Maybe from rental agency, maybe from dealer.
Story: Years ago we were trying to judge whether a new 1996 Transport minivan would do the trick on ski trip, family of 4 plus grandpa. The salesman arranged a 3 day rental, I think 100. (Honestly we never knew if it was a formal plan or some kind of loaner on his own salesman demo car). We adored the traction control in mountain snow and ordered the vehicle the next week.
2 Likes
I think that is a great idea, and something we would do if she’s switching cars. Hoping they can fix her the car that she has, though, for a reasonable cost. Looking at it today, it really is in great shape. I don’t know why the dealership said to just get rid of it.
3 Likes
Dealers like to flip used cars! They make more on used cars than on new ones, apparently. I agree with keeping the existing car running.
6 Likes
These calls may be hard to make. Having seen several immediate family members age with memory loss, I think gathering as many data points as possible can only help to refine the decision. Memory loss is usually progressive and nuanced. Often, by the time you are sure of a specific decline, it’s been there for a while and is frequently revealed by changes in routine.
Driving in particular can be tricky as it requires that multiple inputs be processed simultaneously and every trip is not the same. A very familiar short, routine trip can include potentially dangerous challenges or distractions with consequences.
Your mother is fortunate to have transportation alternatives and family to both observe her drive and offer her rides. I’d have her assessed by pros and if she is cleared, would ride with her frequently, be sure that an appropriate interval for future testing was established and offer rides generously, anticipating a transition. All the best with this.
4 Likes
The dealer may be keen to sell you a new car… and possibly profit off the trade-in too.
It is great that you are being so thoughtful and helping your Mom in this!
4 Likes
I am wondering about what the assessment by pros would entail. I’m afraid that getting an assessment would be a guaranteed road to failure. You get someone who is so nervous about being evaluated that they would forget their own name, that I wonder if people really end up getting these assessments because the kids want someone else to tell their parent that they can’t drive anymore. Maybe the family can pay more attention to her driving, when she isn’t nervous about being watched. I’d surely rather have her driving than the typical person…texting, talking on the phone, talking in the car, eating, drinking, had a couple of drinks or on pain meds.
1 Like
It seems that depending on location, there may be different options to help clarify driving capacity. I hope folks with expertise will share. Googling assessment of senior drivers with memory loss brought up OT options, contacting state MV departments, geriatricians/hospitals, etc. Some web sites provide more info about what to look for or specific skills to you may be able to begin to check more casually. I am not providing links because many options are region specific and I can’t vet the additional sources. Your local senior center may have known resources, too. It’s kind to be so thorough in figuring this out. She’s lucky to have your support.
5 Likes
Those are great ideas. Especially the senior center. I have a concern that many agencies would automatically default to the “not qualified to drive” scenario, based upon concern about liability from clearing someone. But senior centers seem like they would be reasonable advocates for seniors.
1 Like
And having a good reliable mechanic/non-dealership do the reasonable repairs.
We learned a lesson on dealership tactics with car repairs. When out of state, a squirrel chewed through wires at our cousin’s house - it was at Christmas time, and it was damp/cold outside. The car sat a few days there. When we went to drive to our daughter’s, lots of electronics on the car didn’t work – including speedometer…but we could drive the car, and in daylight could manage w/o the features like the lane changing warnings on our side mirrors. Called ahead to a dealership mid-day Friday and made an appointment. We dropped the car off on a Saturday for a Monday appointment. They didn’t even look at the car until Tuesday, and then told my DH that we also needed brake work done. They actually did a little video - but it turns out our brakes did not need the work right then. However DH was duped into it. When we returned to our mechanic/family owned Goodyear, we found out details. I was concerned about driving back 14 hours, but we should have called our mechanic - (1) we would have learned the brakes can wait (2) when the brakes needed to be done, we would have had a more reasonable cost. Our mechanic showed that on the video, they had not removed the tires to see that the brake pads were worn enough to justify replacement. The electrical wires took the labor - they had to get those all taken care of, and we were fine with that work. Miffed about being duped on the brakes. The dealership had two different guys working on the car at the same time, much later - I guess the guy to do the electrical work was tied up. Thankfully we didn’t need the car while at DD’s.
2 Likes
My mom’s neurologist told her she would likely kill sometime if she kept driving. She handed over the keys immediately.
Her mental impairment on cognitive tests was much worse than she seemed as she developed a lot of strategies to appear more functioning.
That said, she got lost going home a few weeks prior. She ended up hours away from home. Her answer was to stop driving at night. Her doc said that was insufficient. Basically said that people with dementia would be incapable of making the split second decisions if anything out of the ordinary would happen.
10 Likes
@busdriver11 , I’ve been thinking about your predicament. I can definitely see the dangers of driving with short term memory loss – you forgot you looked left and it wasn’t safe, you forgot where you were going and are now a little rattled getting back on track, etc.
I suspect you will need to know what to look for (senior center/online resources and do the assessment yourself just by observation. I had mentioned my mom in a previous thread – she altered her driving habits over time to avoid the situations that were most rattling to her. (That left turn into Trader Joe’s!) But I did worry about her ending up in those situations in an unplanned way. The area where my mom lives has experienced tons of growth in the last decade, and I find it’s often a little rattling for me, so you can also consider whether that’s a factor too. (Where I live is pretty much the same!) Those changes can also be dangerous.
2 Likes
I think the reason some of us are urging testing is that we’ve been through this and are just farther along in this journey. My mom was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment (w/o my knowledge) and for years I thought “she’s just getting older”. But actually it was the first stage of more serious dementia (Vascular and Alzheimer’s).
The assessment isn’t just for seniors, it’s for people recovering from surgery, or other medical conditions. An occupational therapist will test vision, hearing, reaction times etc and then they go out for a drive. Everyone who is tested doesn’t fail.
4 Likes
My mother masked her dementia for years until it was clear what her limitations were. She actually also was diagnosed bi-polar in her late 50’s (but again, she was borderline on the manic ‘high’ earlier in life) and was cycling depression. Her mother and my younger sister are bi-polar. Mom was hospitalized with a more severe depressed episode, and I asked for the general assessment with dementia (we didn’t need to have more testing to diagnose which specific dementia she had). We also had the treatment people tell her about her dementia - she would take it better from them. Her psychiatrist had her on memory medication for years. After that diagnosis, we were able to step up more care for her with her consent.
Mom was a non-combative type of person who had a strong desire to stay in her home (custom built by my dad, who owned a construction company and full cabinet shop). “I want to go out with my feet first”, and she got her wish. She was happy in her home. She was forgetting to eat, how to put together a sandwich even - if you put food in front of her she ate - she was hungry. She had a live in cook/housekeeper and my brother lived a house away. She received a small terrier dog from brother - his daughter’s dog but she was away at college and also spent time at his ex-wife’s house so it was fine to be at mom’s full time. The dog was very loyal, laying by her legs when she had a sudden decline (over a few months of time) and after a short hospitalization was on hospice care at home and was dead within a week.
How early was mom masking her forgetfulness/memory loss? About 10 years before she died at age 77 in 2010.
1 Like
Includes a self-assessment to do at home – kind of a “where are we” as you make decisions. From the Pennsylvania DOT, because in PA there are no restrictions based on age. I had posted this once before but months ago:
https://www.dot.state.pa.us/Public/DVSPubsForms/BDL/BDL%20Publications/Pub%20381.pdf
Note that one of the assessments is can they get their foot from the gas pedal to the brake in time to avoid a crash (Mom failed that by miles) and can they turn their head .
5 Likes
This is a big one! And important. A friend’s mom lost her license on this one.
(Then again, some mornings, it can feel like an issue for me too!!!)
2 Likes