I think the switch to 48% down and a mortgage reflects the FIL’s obsession with leaving the property as a bequest against his sons’ wishes. He is firm in the belief that real estate always pays for itself, etc. We’ll cross thatbridge (or wave from the safety of shore) some other day.
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Mother’s Day is a hard day for so many (not trying to diminish your very real grief). I hate walking into all the stores festooned with balloons and flowers. All I think of is bereaved children, women with infertility, women estranged from mom etc.
It’s a commercial Hallmark holiday but that doesn’t make it easier.
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For me the tough part about Mother’s Day without my mother is happy memories of previous Mother’s Days and other celebrations. It’s also month of her birthday.
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These special days also hit with grief for some younger people as well - 40 YO niece lost her 46 YO husband in January in an auto accident; every major event this year floods her young children (ages 7 and 10) and her with lots of emotions.
I see a lot of Facebook posts with pictures of my friends as youngsters pictured with their young mom.
Joy lined with sorrow - joy with thinking about ‘the good times’. Certainly good to reflect on those who may never have had the experiences growing up with a mom or a grandma.
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What always surprises me is the perky, “Happy Mothers Day” cashiers, wait staff and other people I don’t know say to me in a public greeting. It doesn’t bother me, since I am a mother and I know they’re just trying to be nice, so I say thanks. But they don’t know if I’m a mother, I guess I’m just that age. They don’t know if I’m childless, or my child died, they have no clue, so it seems rather odd and presumptuous, and potentially unkind.
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Their managers provably tell them to say it.
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I had one lady tell me, “Happy Mothers Day, if you are a mother. If not, I hope you have a great day”.
I told her that was a nice way to say it, and we agreed that not everyone is a mother, so it doesn’t make sense. But also for people who have lost their moms, I don’t think it’s such a good idea to say that to any random woman. I agree, the managers are telling them to do it, regardless.
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Gift link
https://wapo.st/4bCKGBE
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We had a bad experience with a rep from that company.
The sales rep “Mandy” made it past hospital security and into my husband’s room to try to sell her services. (At the time we were considering home care).
Ask me and I will still tell you I’m angry. I think the social worker/case manager was getting kickbacks. The SW/CM acknowledge that the rep from A Place for Mom “helped” her.
(Someone in the industry told me A Place for Mom’s commission is the first month of fees, whether home care or a facility).
I asked if the oxygen companies could have reps on the floor, or maybe even the funeral homes could do advanced planning? Only the social worker seemed to think I had no right to be angry. The nursing staff was appalled.
Mandy even called me a month later to ask what decision we had made and whether she was in line for a commission. (Not a chance).
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I get notifications when my mother’s medical portal has anything input; yesterday around lunchtime there was a new test result from a doctor I did not recognize, so I googled him. He’s an ER doctor at the local hospital; after some phone calls we discover she had called an ambulance without telling Local Sibling because she was peeing blood…
I am here now, she was admitted, has a CDiff bladder infection. In compiling a list of her meds, I discovered she reports to nursing she is taking 250 mg tablets of calcium per her Prolia doctor. Has done this for maybe 2 years now. None of us questioned it , but we do make sure she is taking the 3 a day as ordered, now 2 (they changed it about a month ago).
She’s still taking 3 – 91 yr olds don’t really do change – and the tablets she ordered thru Big Box Online Place aren’t 250mg, they are 650. She’s been taking 1980 mg instead of 500. I could just kick myself.
Preferred Sibling and (just finished chemo) SIL were to leave for vacation this week. Last year, same time, my late father was being prepped for transition to hospice while they were on Day 2 of vacation and PS told me this morning, nope, they will stay put for now. I feel badly for them.
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Good morning, sibling (POA) finally made the the trip to see 96 (Dad) and 92 (step mom) — 6 hours away. He now sees they are unable to go home — and he seems to think Dad’s death is imminent. It may be. He’s 96 and less communicative.
It was the first time he’d seen Dad since February, while I’ve been there monthly. The changes were noticeable but less drastic to me. She is now significantly wheelchair bound. She can stand in the bathroom to brush her teeth and have some monitored movements in the bathroom.
So, while POA acknowledges they are unable to go home “for the foreseeable future” he is unwilling to sell the house. Money is going to be super tight by the end of the summer when $23k in tax bills will be due. (The tax bills are for the residence and some rental properties).
With their various ailments Dad and StepMom have spent a total of 15 nights in the same place since she first fell in February (2 bone breaks for her and the flu/pneumonia for him). He is scheduled to return to their AL on Wednesday.
He has been a bit agitated at night in rehab and I’ve suggested that we pay for a nurse/aide to sit with him at night. It may also relieve difficulties with their staff. (The staff is complaining that he needs to much help at night, too many trips to the bathroom. We requested a sleeping pill and they don’t want to reach the facility doc for an rx until Tuesday, when he returns. Yes, it is frustrating and why it work better if a family member or designee is there to advocate and balance needs).
Every day, it’s something!
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We had to get someone to stay with FIL overnight when he started to get agitated at night. MIL didn’t want to do it, but she also didn’t/couldn’t help him. Once the aide started coming, MIL understood the importance of having them there … and bonus, she was able to sleep.
The best thing my in laws did was put their house up for sale shortly after moving into AL. So glad they sold it, because MIL insisted that she could have moved back into the house after FIL died. No way could she have lived on her own at that time, but the point was moot because the house was no longer an option.
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We also sold the house as soon as we could so that there wouldn’t be an option to move back. It was a good choice.
My mom has relocated to the city where my sibling lives. It took a week for her belongings to be moved but she’s moving into her new IL today. She’s been staying with my sibling.
Mom says she’s been confused more. I think it’s the change of venue and not being around her belongings. I’m hoping that being reunited will help.
Now let’s hope the residents are welcoming as they were at the last place and that mom finds plenty to do.
My sibling was very reluctant to sell the house but mom agreed that the house needed to be sold, my husband and I powered through. It was the right choice because I feel we sold the house at the height of its value.
My in laws should not be in their house but my mil is hanging on with all of her might. I’m pretty frustrated with her negative energy.
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The house has to ‘get into shape’ in order to sell at good price. Depends how it looks inside and out, and when the demand is greatest (best time to sell and get best price hopefully). Perhaps point blank asking what is to be gained by waiting to get the house ready and get it on the market/sold - especially with the tax bill situation.
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She had one episode of a speeded
up heart rate overnight and they are giving her metropolol twice a day — so now she’s feeling faint and won’t eat. They decided she doesn’t have CDiff, just “some sort of” uti , doesn’t seem to matter to them what kind.
And I returned from a break, and she was
white from exhaustion after PT decided she needed to sit up “for a
while” which turned out to be 90 minutes. I got her nurse to help me put her back in bed but it’s been a long day.
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It actually does matter what kind of UTI, because different types are treated with different meds. It’s really frustrating to try to help our parents as they age. Sometimes it feels like they are just an afterthought for the health care system, but they are our primary concern.
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I will attest to this. My dad has had lots of UTI and they typically do a culture to decide which antibiotic will work on that strain. He is also allergic to penicillin so they need to take that into account.
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Sometimes one has to gauge what medically is going on with the elder person, and what is going on with their S/D/SIL/DIL. I recall vividly a man that was over 90 in some rehab days after hospitalization. He was use to being able to ambulate, but was slow-go. Had heart and other issues; not overweight, but obviously weak from hospitalization and being over 90. I was the RN to do the admission nursing assessment. His son was encouraging him to be more active in his room. I could see the elderly man was truly fatigued, and I did give the patient and the son some feedback during the assessment time, and I believe a bit privately later outside the room. The elderly man also did not have much appetite - not uncommon but of course noteworthy. A few hours after the son left, the man had an event - perhaps a stroke, and died.
Of course the son was concerned that if the dad was not able to be more active, he would have to change his dad’s living arrangements. I am not sure if he can come to grips about his last time seeing his dad and his dad’s sudden death.
We don’t have an ulterior motive based on our own convenience, goodness.
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My MIL is going downhill pretty rapidly. SIL decided to move her to a facility we toured with her last month. It’s not ideal, but the fact that it’s a couple minutes from SIL rather than more than a half hour away will allow SIL to be more readily available … and to be able to go home when MIL is napping. It’s at the point where MIL needs an overnight aide, due to fall risk (and the fact that she wakes up confused & calls SIL in the middle of the night). SIL has been able to get the aides, but she will probably have to find new ones after the move due to the distance. We’re going to go back next month to help them move her. It’s going to be a really difficult move for MIL, but TBH, she is at the point where I’m not sure it will matter to her where she is.
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