You don’t have to “celebrate” your bday but you can try and take a day or a few hours to treat yourself in another way. Read a book undisturbed. With a bowl of ice cream on your lap. Visit a park and go for an hour walk. Take cooking off your plate for the day and let prepared food lead the day.
Sounds like both you and your mom could use a “pick me up” - birthday related or not!
For what it’s worth, I’ve found that using a straw leads to much more liquid ingestion for me. Also a small amount of Crystal-Light-like liquid added to the water may make it much more palatable to an elderly person (like me, lol).
I bought a pretty new water bottle with attached silicone straw at a discount store last weekend. It’s pretty small, holds maybe 12 oz. Easy to schlep as I walk around my neighborhood.
My husband sets his phone alarm to go off four times a day and he drinks 16 ounces of water each time. It has worked well for him for years and his urologist is pleased with his lab results. DH never wants to have kidney stones again!
Mom has never drank water (she and my dad were sure that water use would dry up the well) and is unlikely to start now. They bring her water, placed on the table right inside her door. So she leaves it there, or they will have to work harder by bringing it further into her little apartment (really a big room). She has an insulated cup she loved at home, but has put away here because she can’t transfer the water herself and won’t ask them to do it because it’s too much work for them. Her words. Talking to the unit admin is useless; the information doesn’t make it down to the aides and even if it did, they are good people with about 30 hrs of work to do in an 8 hr shift. I am resigned to this being a permanent recurrent issue. With the best of intentions to stay well, she simply can’t remember anything but her baseline, lifetime, habits. Alarms scare her (she can’t remember what they are for) and we can’t be there all the time. I know everybody here experiences the same sort of problems, and appreciate the vent.
I think a lot of elders also don’t like to drink as much because they don’t like having to go to the bathroom often, especially if they are unsteady or require assistance.
I also think there are things that evolved with time.
My mom says she doesn’t like the taste of water. The water I drink is super cold and now I drink quite a bit of sparkling water. My kids have water support bottles that go everywhere and they drink copious amounts room temperature.
My parents and my husband’s parents didn’t drink water, they had a cup of coffee, a cocktail and cigarettes before dinner and lots of red meat. And never exercised.
My kids eat lots of vegetables, have different sources of protein and have a regular exercise routine. My mil says she doesn’t even know how to serve food to the new generation.
So as I say, it’s hard to establish new routines.
@greenbutton giving you lots of hugs today 
On my own front. I’ve done some stepping back dealing with my in laws. I’ve had my husband answer the phone, he went to visit them last weekend, I stayed home. And tried to establish boundaries. I’m sure my mil will ask soon if there’s a problem. No, but I do need to save some sanity. 
First hugs! The first step to solutions is recognize the problems. Start with the simple things–snap top pill boxes, water by bedside, a personal alarm system, a nearby neighbor to check on her, smaller containers of milk (at one point we put milk into baby bottles because my dad was too weak to carry a big carton), prepackaged servings of food–sandwiches, crackers, cheese, ice cream, peeled boiled eggs (endless list once you start.) Paper plates, utensils so no clean-up involved.
Look for useful appliances–the walker, bedside commode, etc.
You solve each thing as it comes up. Don’t let your brain run too far in advance! And many problems are temporary but still need a solution. If you need solutions just ask! This group has a lot of them for nearly every scenario.
Any way to have a thermos jug with a push button spout on it filled and placed nearby that she could fill her own cup?
Three Medical Practices That Older Patients Should Question
Some treatments and procedures become routine despite lacking strong evidence to show that they’re beneficial. Recent studies have called a few into question.
After any major health change, like a hospital stay, older people should get what I believe they call a swallow test to determine their diet. They should also be retested if they recover further, and have their diet appropriately adjusted.
I know at one point my father had a swallow test that determined he could only do liquids. I can’t remember how it came up, but he got a retest a little while later and was moved to a different diet because his swallow capacity had improved.
Preferred sibling contacted the hospital’s patient advocate office, I contacted Mom’s former and current pcps, and Local took the subsequent calls and will be taking her to a follow up appointment in just a few days. I had sent the new pcp an email with the pertinent details of this hospital stay, expecting really nothing.
The new pcp office sent an email back, but then the doctor called me last night to make sure we got that. Then called the AL facility to arrange an appointment, then called Local to verify there was transportation in place. And new pcp actually asked me “how do you think she is doing today? not just physically, but how is she holding up? hospitals are hard on the elderly”.
Former pcp denies ever having gotten forms to transfer care. Said Mom should come back and fill more out. Local produced screen shots of said forms. Former pcp said , oh, well, let’s see if we can find them. Patient advocate calls them. Forms are miraculously found and records transferred and updated.
Moral of the story, as always, is to never assume anything, and work together. I thanked new pcp profusely and the advocate’s office, for their help.
Glad that progress was made. But for goodness sake it’s hard to read about the burden being on the family, navigating new water. The providers/offices in an ideal world would be handling paperwork in an organized manner, not relying on family catching things that fall through the cracks.
Just reading the past few replies…
All of this is true. My dad couldn’t swallow easily and did a “swallow test”. I was like nah, he can eat usually. It’s the size of the pills he can’t take. Crush those suckers up. I discovered even those “not to be crushed” pills get crushed on a regular basis.
And YES! Hospitals don’t let you sleep or recover in any form. It’s ridiculous. My poor dad started having halllucinations after an extended stay. His doctor ORDERED to let him sleep and not disturb him. Didn’t stop. My sister and I literally stopped personnel from entering his room if he was asleep–think about it–blood draws, vital checks, janitors, dietary personnel, delivery of meals, shift change ( all hours), the IV alarm going off, physical therapy, doctor’s rounds (a calvacade depending on your condition).
And they STILL came to “give him a bath” at 2 am.
Don’t get me started…My dad was supposed to go to rehab after his hospital stay and we refused. I took him home. He needed sleep in his own bed. I literally thought they’d kill him.
As an edit–my dad needed the medical care and his doc was wonderful. Many of the staff were great. But the bureaucracy of the system can kill you.
I worked in skilled care and rehab as my sunset career before retiring. All true about the hospital, but at rehab there are things that are done like PT/OT/ST evaluations and treatment. A swallow test is part of what ST (speech therapy does).
Yes, something to be said about sleeping in own bed, but in addition to strengthening with rehab, it can help determine if there is care at home and it is safe to go there, or what else needs to be done.
I know of a patient that came to rehab after she insisted she would be fine going home from the hospital. Fell as she was trying to get out of her family car because she was so weak.
I totally agree. If I thought for a second that it would have been a different scenario in rehab I might have agreed. But when your dad is having hallucinations from sleep deprivation that isn’t foremost on your mind.
My poor mom’s final days in the hospital were awful. When we entered the hospice facility, I could see the change in her. She was suddenly at peace. I hadn’t realized how difficult it was for her to be in the hospital until I saw the relief on her face when she entered the hospice.
Ha ha! I’m sorry, your post made me laugh. NOBODY cares about the family. And NOTHING is coordinated. I quickly realized that in the psychiatric realm, but now I know it applies to the medical one, also.
Have to typically hire people to do all this additional work - our ‘changing times’.
Yep. I’m so thankful for Dad’s advocate. She is well worth the money.
When I was managing my parents care, I ended up creating a 3 ring binder for each one. It had folders for keeping test results, info on their meds, and I took notes at every doctor’s appointment. I was lucky i had the time to devote to managing that, but it was absolutely necessary as there were so many moving parts to their care and I was the only common denominator.
My D was in an auto accident (not at fault) with a workers comp claim. She has a huge Google Drive of all the paperwork from the doctors, insurance companies etc etc.
She said the administration was worse than doing all the PT.
