Sepsis is serious, as I am sure you know. My MIL had it after surgery, they never discovered where the infection came from. She spent weeks in the hospital and it ended up affecting the blood flow in her limbs, she lost some toes and a finger, but ultimately went home.
She was treated with heavy duty antibiotics. A side effect of them is C Diff infection, so that complicated her stay.
When my mom was really sick and they didnât know why, my friend asked whether she had been tested for a staph infection. I had a hard time getting my dad to insist she be tested - they told him that they wouldnât test because they were sure she didnât have it. I told my dad Iâd be on the next plane down there if they didnât do it. The hospitalist finally agreed to test her, âeven though she doesnât have it,â and she tested positive for MRSA. The MRSA led to osteomyelitis in her wound. Maybe ask about a staph infection?
That side effect could have been an HAI as C. diff used to be rampant in hospitals. The nasty thing forms spores that are very hard to kill.
And not testing for MRSA? Good god, molecular rapid tests are not very expensive and available from multiple manufacturers. So sorry your momâs condition deteriorated to that point because someone can eyeball-o-metrically determine absence of staph. 
My husband talked to his parents yesterday.
My mil has been very reluctant to put railings on the front porch. Yesterday she told him she wants my husband to put a grab bar on the side of the front entry. I think itâs because she thinks a railing will make the house look like old people live there and ruin the look of the front of the house.
My poor husband was trying to tell her that it wasnât going to work, I think heâs really good at explaining when things arenât going to work out. He does that to me and itâs very effective.
His mom was not listening.
My husband called his brother and asked him, bil was, yea that wonât work, why does it matter how it looks, they need a railing.
It just feels as if every single decision is a huge discussion to get them to do anything! My husband is also the one who has to do said thing also.
The good news is that they are going to fill in the pool. The contractor said he would be there at the end of October, mil called him on the 5th to see when he was coming. The end of October.
I mentioned this upthread, and it may not work with your people for sure â but we stopped asking. We just did things, and dealt with the consequences (which were no worse than the argument about what we could and couldnât do). Your inlaws seem to be so entrenched in their opinion that it seems okay to move on to your own mental health. If they wonât listen, maybe itâs time for âthatâs a bad idea and we canât do that. youâll need to hire a contractorâ repeat repeat repeat. So easy to write in a forum, so hard to do in real life when you imagine a fall.
But another thing that works with my mom was conditional okay. âOkay, but to do that, weâll have to do thisâ and the âthisâ was usually something she didnât like. Example âOkay, you can keep trying to clean the house, but weâll have to buy a new vaccuum cleanerâ or âOkay, but if you wonât send the laundry out, weâre going to knock out the master bath wall and have the laundry moved upstairsâ
Have your inlaws been in this house a long time? Did their kids grow up there? Sounds to be like she loves her home and is trying to preserve what was in the past - the way itâs always looked - the entry, the pool, etc. As someone who is know for my sometimes catch phrase âitâs what is on the outside that countsâ (in other words, LOOKS of my things like my home and my car are super important to me!) I can sort of understand that. But if they use that entry, yes safety first! It sort of seems like a grab bar would look MORE awkward than a railing - railings are so typical on a porch!
You both have to be weary of âthe problem of the weekâ. Itâs wearing. 
I take it the railings are for steps leading up to the porch? Are there at least 4 steps? If so, it might be required by code. It is in Virginia. You could use that as an excuse if this is the case? Itâs required by law?
I was going to say that same thing! Over 2 feet above ground? Need a railing in WA!
Iâd lie that I talked to a contractor and shown a photo of the steps to get an estimate, but he said canât do a grab bar⊠does not meet the code.
And⊠emphasize the fact that code violations make home sale (down the road) tougher.
Thereâs only one step so code violations probably donât apply.
Idk how she thinks a grab bar is going to work.
Thanks for the suggestions, Iâll try and talk to H today.
Although I made a comment that they shouldnât be driving earlier and that was not welcomed. H got a little annoyed because he would love to be an ostrich instead of being confrontational
Grab bars, not railings are what screams âold person lives here.â Railings can be very aesthetically appealing.
Hugs. Dealing with a stubborn elder is exhausting.
I donât have your husbandâs contact info 
and I know you arenât probably interested in the solving of this problem, but just thought Iâd share something that I saved that might solve a couple step situation, no railing, we have in our yard.
https://a.co/d/bxV89NZ
My in lawsâ house had a sunken entryway when you came in the front door. To make it worse, it was a ranch, and the only way to get from the kitchen/living room side of the house to the bathroom/bedrooms side was by going down two steps, across the entryway, and up two steps. We tried to get them to install ramps - and remove the throw rugs. They refused. FIL broke his hip in the entryway when he was home alone. They removed the rugs, but they wouldnât do ramps. We were so glad when they moved to an independent/assisted living community.
My husband thought that looked really nice. Put it into my cart to show them
I think she thinks that grab bar will be hidden by the porch. SMH
She knows that something like this will happen. She will deal with it then, she told me. 
Letâs face it - no, you and your husband will have to deal with it!
Crazy! Broken hip / rehab / reduced mobility is not joke. (Kudos to my elderly dad gets credit for designing/building a device to raise up an upholstered chair and freeze its swivel. Boo hiss to his wife that thought it was ugly, made him remove it.)
Oh, I feel ya. My dad (87 yo) says the same thing. Seven steps to get out the front door, four steps outside, and either a 15 degree wooden ramp off the second story deck (with moss and old wood) or 14 steps inside to exit from the back. He wants to leave the house feet-first. He installed a grab bar rail on the front steps after I started calling contractors to install one because he insisted he was fine without one. (Did I mention the brick steps have broken and missing bricks?)
He wonât go for something single-level or an apartment. I expect my sister will get a call at some point.
He and my mom looked at a house down the street that was single level, accessible about 20 years ago. Never pulled the trigger. Would have been perfect for my mom after she fell and was completely bedridden the last ten years of her life. But nah, theyâll be fine in the split level.
Iâm very happy your H is the one dealing directly with his parents, though. Keeps you out of the triangle, and sometimes feeling uncomfortable about discussing difficult topis with elderly parents is motivation to just get stuff done and get past it.
I find that asking forgiveness rather than permission is increasingly useful these days.
Ugh. My MIL didnât want ramps because they would ruin the look of her house. Some things are more important than how your house looks, especially if you are seriously injured & no longer able to be in your own home.