Parents Caring for Parents Support Thread (Part 2)

Here is another one!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B091BHC2WD

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Nice! My father has had a few estimates for putting a handrail on his 5(?) step entryway. Good reminder for me to ask status.

Bringing my mom out to her house today, just the two of us. The ā€œtaskā€ is to find specific yarns she wants for something she thinks she is going to knit, the real purpose is to cross that hurdle of being in the house after moving to AL. Local and Preferred think she will second-guess herself about the move, but I think it is a necessary step.

Also won a debate over a noisy radon fan – they said, oh, it can’t be broken, it’s fine so I told them to go out and listen to it. And they came back sheepish saying ā€œokay, that does sound badā€.

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Hope the visit to the house goes ok. For both of you!

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I think it could go really well. My sibs and I disagreed about a trip to my dad’s hometown in his final weeks. I told them that if they didn’t want to go they could stay home but that I was taking him and would deal with the fallout. In the end, we all went, and it was an amazing memory. My dad couldn’t remember who he talked to that day on the phone, but he was giving my brother directions for how to get there, warning him about an upcoming sharp curve, etc. It was amazing. And he died the next weekend. :face_holding_back_tears:

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I might be in the Twilight Zone. We came to visit my MIL. D told his S, who is local, that we are coming. He texted her to let her know we are here. She has not acknowledged that we are coming or responded to the text that we are here (she posted to Facebook 15 minutes ago, so she’s on her phone). MIL hasn’t gotten out of bed yet, and apparently H would rather sit here waiting for her to magically awaken than go try to rouse her. He tried , but she didn’t wake up - he seems to be fine with not trying harder. I’m just sitting here waiting, because it is not my race & not my pony. But this is very weird.

Update: SIL responded that she didn’t realize we were coming this week. That’s between H & his S … I’m getting better at venting here & keeping myself out of their stuff.

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That is weird. Good for you for not getting more annoyed. And keep venting. I sometimes think if I had found Parent Cafe when my kids were teenagers I might have been better at mothering with a place to vent.

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H just woke her, and he’s working on getting her out of bed. She actually sounds pretty good, so looks like the trip is moving from the Twilight Zone into the real world. :rofl:

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I’ve been up in the mountains so I haven’t had a chance to update lately. My dad’s foot wound will not heal since his circulation is so poor. His life is not in imminent danger, but the situation could change. Long story short, he will have a below knee amputation Friday morning at 10 am. It really is devastating, but all the doctors my sister and Dad’s advocate talked to agree that it’s the right thing to do. He probably will not be able to get a prosthetic limb because he’s not strong enough. Ugh. I haven’t really processed the news yet.

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Oh, no. I’m so sorry. Let me know whether I can help y’all with anything. I hope the UT game will be a distraction, in a good way!

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That is a lot and I am sorry for your father, as well as you and your sister. He’s fortunate to have so much support.

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Oh my, that is unfortunate. But sounds like really no choice. Hang in there - it’s not easy monitoring from afar.

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I’m so sorry to hear this ML. I’ll be keeping your dad in my thoughts.

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Is hyperbaric treatment not available to help aid in healing? I have heard sometimes that can help in cases where healing is difficult.

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Here’s some info.

That option was explored but for some reason it was deemed not helpful.

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@MaineLonghorn, I hope your father’s surgery went well. I also hope that he is handling things well mentally.

We are back from our visit with MIL, and after the weird start, things went very well. We got her outside for a couple hours, even playing dice. Her ability to apply logic was spot on, and she even won a couple games. Later, we took her out to dinner; she has been out to dinner only 3 times in the past year. She ate more than any of us (H, SIL, BIL, me). After being told by hospice that death was imminent, it was a gift. Taking her off dilaudid was a wise choice.

She is becoming weaker, though, and she can no longer walk any further than to the bathroom or bedroom with her rollator. We borrowed a wheelchair for her, because the only way to get her anywhere outside the room is in a wheelchair. That’s fine, but … it also means that soon, she will need it for everything (that is, ā€œno more walkingā€ is on the horizon). SIL will be talking to hospice about that to make plans.

We did have a laugh, although it was one of those what else can you do but laugh situations. MIL needed to use the bathroom at the restaurant. SIL & I had to help her. Let’s just say that we need to be taught how to properly help her when she uses a wheelchair. But we managed to get through it, and we all managed to find the humor in the situation.

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I’m visiting my Dad at his AL unit over my fall break. He’s perseverating on long-ago issues in a way that is disturbing. He told me that he didn’t think his brother really died of a heart attack in the early 90s. He wants to ā€œinvestigate.ā€ He also thinks that something nefarious happened in the distribution of his mother’s estate. He said that his brother and his wife (of decades and mother of 4 children, my cousins) had divorced, and they had not. He also asked me if I wanted to take over his half-share of a chicken farm (what?). It’s strange because sometimes he is quite lucid and sharp, but he’ll lurch off in very weird directions. The problem is that he has started to nag the business office of the place he lives with questions about phantom issues. I know that underlying this is his fear of losing control of his finances. We try to reassure him that everything is fine but at a certain level he is not amenable to reason at all.

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Sorry to hear this. For my father, a doctor (psychologist I believe) prescribed some anti-dementia medicine that helped him with his paranoia. I don’t know what it was, but it has been helpful (dosage was adjusted a couple of times to make it most effective). It was only possible because my father did not know what type of doctor it was that he was talking to. My father had consistently refused to see any psychologist/therapist.

The other tip, which has been mentioned in this thread many times, is to check that he doesn’t have a UTI.

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My dad would always get angry when he felt things were out of his control. It was unhelpful but that was his default. We were generally able to distract him and tell him his oldest son was handling everything.

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