My mother is on meds for her paranoid delusions. There is no anti dementia med for delusions fyi, they use anti psychotic meds. My mom was on seroquel until recently, when it stopped working; she just started a new one, I think it’s called rexulti. In any case a geriatric psych consult wouldn’t be a bad idea.
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This is why family discussing with the health care med prescriber the ‘normal’ characteristics of the older adult having various issues - be it whatever range of issues they are having - to find the best way to medicate them; be it take the edge off their stress, an antipsychotic drug, etc. Sometimes also the dosing - give enough but not too much to be effective for that individual.
If the older person has already had their life ‘shrink’ a lot - had to move out of their residence, feelings of loss of their own abilities – if they have not done well with getting coping skills (or obtaining help for better coping) earlier in life they surely are most likely not going to adapt well later in life – and keeping a happy disposition.
Thanks for asking, and for everyone else’s kind words and notes.
Dad got through the surgery OK, although they found more swelling than expected. He was in a lot of pain Friday night, due to insufficient pain meds (two Tylenol!!!). After they got that straightened out, he did better. Saturday night, he sounded great on the phone. He was very happy that UT beat OU. 
My sister said the doctor could hardly believe how well he is recovering. He’s determined to get a prosthetic leg, although the doctor says that’s unlikely. Knowing Dad, he will defy the odds.
Then last night, I called my son and he was clearly manic - when he says, “I know I’m not manic…” I know he is. The doctor almost had me call 911 but then decided to try raising the dose of his main meds. So I need to check on him this morning.
I realized that my son and father each have 24/7 caregivers and a team of people to assist them, but they’re both struggling and need our assistance. No wonder we’re tired!
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I’m glad that your dad is doing so well. I hope that the medication change quickly results in a better balance for your S. He is so lucky to have such involved and caring parents.
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OMG I missed the initial post about your dad’s surgery. What a rough road for all of you. So glad that he came through the surgery OK!
Big big hugs to you!
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Yeah, we’re glad we can help him and that he ACCEPTS help.
I think I’ve mentioned that my husband’s younger sister, 69, probably has schizophrenia (she’s definitely delusional and disorganized) and is living on the streets in Madison, Wisconsin. Her four siblings and two children have tried to help her repeatedly. This past week, my husband’s older sister went to Madison and managed to find her. Older sis got her a new phone, debit card, ID card, and hot meals. Younger sis said, “I can’t keep living like this.” Older sis told younger sis that she would be willing to come to Madison for awhile to get her settled in good housing IF she agreed to a full physical and psychological evaluation. When younger sis reacted angrily and refused, older sis told her, “Well, then, you’re choosing the life you say you don’t want.”
DH’s siblings still don’t understand that her “refusal” for help is part of the illness and they get angry at her for her “stubbornness.” 
My SIL did get the name of a case worker. I don’t even know if she’s with the county, state, or a private organization, but I’m going to make some phone calls tomorrow to see if I can find her. I will tell her that I understand she cannot divulge a single thing about younger sis, but I am allowed to give her information. Then I will ask, “Hypothetically, if this person I’m telling you about were your sister, what would you do?” I am about 99% sure there’s nothing we can do, but I have to give it a try.
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@MaineLonghorn in NYC the people who work with those living on the street keep trying, developing some kind of relationship with people who live on the street. Hope that’s the same for your sister-in-law in Madison.
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It seems the cell phone and debit card will be patchwork and may keep her doing OK for a bit; ID card good if she hangs onto it. She probably knows to be careful on phone and debit card use so other street people don’t see what she has and steal from her. As is said, she says herself that she ‘can’t keep living like this’ but does not want to accept the right help. Sad for her 2 kids and siblings know what is going on but the refusal of help. It is getting cold at night in Madison WI. Good that attempts continue from family with said caseworker.
A person with some mental illness issues often it is like the alcoholic or drug addicted person who has learned how to live on the streets - they have a way to do the various things and do not want to conform; some false pride. They are human beings and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, but we do not need to enable them to live homeless and live badly. Their brokenness is sad to watch, especially those that have caring families that are willing/available to provide the right kind of help along with various agencies. Sometimes these homeless people pair up, and sometimes they have a cat or a dog to help with companionship.
Last weekend (on Saturday) a fellow that was clearly homeless (and seemed confused), was with his shopping cart in a suburb town housing area on a busy two-way street way away from any kind of encampment area - the police car had light on and was following up with where to take him. Our larger city community has some services (called ‘first stop’) - a center where the homeless can get services like shower, meals, laundry, referrals - and their workers go out to inform homeless people about help and try to get them to accept help.
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Apparently, law enforcement officers all over Wisconsin are familiar with SIL, but every time they show up, she pulls herself together enough that they feel that they can’t take her to the hospital. But I really think she’s going to have some type of crisis before much longer, maybe physical, and have to go. That’s probably her best hope.
Oops, sorry to go so far off topic. I’ll stop now. Thanks for your input!
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I have worked professionally with formerly homeless and people in situations where homelessness is possible in the future and IMHO this is an extremely simplistic observation. For example, homeless people with pets often have a choice between shelter with heat and sleeping outside because shelters won’t accept them with said pets.
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Kind of getting off topic - but some pets in the south and homeless people (very few days of bitter cold) - and the owner puts attention on the pet and is happier having the pet. There are people that would probably take a pet on extreme cold day to an animal shelter or even a foster family. Also, I have seen where people do see the homeless person with a contribution hat out (and has a small dog) - Chicago/September – I think it humanizes the situation. DH and I knew a few people that worked with that local group ‘First Stop’, including the Director. They do work which is to me emotionally very difficult for many people to do. I am just saying it like I see it in our area. Certainly not as any kind of expert, and you can call my generalities ‘simplistic’ but I am a retired health care professional and do observe and pay attention to what goes on in our area.
Just saw a picture in the NY Times about LA working to put homeless people into various housing – and the picture showed a single man with a small dog. S CA weather of course can have a dog being homeless and not concern about bitter cold nights.
I sure hope our CC family member can get convinced to accept the resources and services to not continue homelessness.
There are so many emotional hurdles for some people, and prayer and spiritual guidance needed for both sides of this. Just like generally parents caring for parents - and we all just do the best that we can.
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What are some good words to convince elderly parents raised in depression era frugality that it is OK to spend money on things they want/need? I don’t want to be insensitive pointing out the shrinking timeline… “you won’t outlive your money”.
Well, if you’re the opposite political party, you can tell them “if you don’t spend it, we’re going to donate to the other party.”
That’s literally what a friend of mine did.
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IDK if it takes an independent financial person, or some friends of theirs that can convince them that they can have the things they want/need and can still do the things that are money smart - like their shopping habits that have them in a great financial position, having saved more than they have spent.
I do think inflation and costs of things have a lot of seniors scared.
One can also offer to review every 6 months or every year to again reassure that they have plenty of money!
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My mother will be 92 in a couple of weeks. She and my father have always been frugal which of course is why she can live way more comfortably now than she ever has before. At 90, I calculated how much she could spend per year if she lived to 110. When she saw the amount was much more than she currently was spending she started spending a bit more. Full disclosure, I did the calculation for several life expectancies and shared one that best told the story. And luckily, she did not expect to live to 110.
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If you wait long enough, they may decide that finances are too much for them & turn it over to someone else. My penny pinching MIL, to our utter surprise, did that a few years ago. She is now in a really nice room at AL that she would never have paid for. She just says, “This is a really nice room. I guess I can afford it.” We tell her that yes, she can afford it. Then we ask her if she’s happy with the room, and she says she is. However, even though she comments every so often that she should give the grandkids some money while she’s still alive, since it would be much appreciated, it is always a passing comment. She doesn’t specifically ask that checks be written to them, and H & SIL don’t feel comfortable pushing her on it.
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My dad is in rehab and doing well. He is so excited at the prospect of getting a prosthetic leg. I looked up the statistics and actually, even people his age can do OK with it. 30% of people in one study developed problems, but knowing Dad, he will be in the successful percentage.
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So glad to hear your dad is doing well! It sounds like he has an amazingly positive attitude!
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