Per denomination rules, is he “allowed” to marry somebody who is not a member of his church?
No, but I’ve noticed the men in this church are masters of rationalization. Nothing would surprise me.
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Local sib gets an MRI this week to determine strategy for treating her newly diagnosed breast cancer. She has HER2 positive, which has an excellent prognosis if caught early. I hope it was caught very early & that her treatment will be as easy as this sort of thing can possibly be. But I’m not sure my H understands what might be involved, and I worry that we should be at least making an effort to look into AL facilities here in case we need to move MIL near us. I guess we’ll just have to wait for the MRI results and the oncologist’s plan of action. Rough seas ahead.
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Oh, gosh, sorry to hear that. I think you’re wise to plan ahead.
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Pulling for your local sib and HER2 positive breast cancer.
I survived much later HER2 pos Estrogen pos (stage IIIa). I was released by my oncologist just this last year and have been considered cancer free for a long time. Yes, based on staging and current treatment for her specifics - the pathology reports which I had with a biopsy prior to start of treatment - my cancer was very aggressive along with other pathology indicators (and was already in medial lymph nodes).
Your sis will most likely want to follow best treatment option - if there are options given. It may be recommended treatment and maybe proactive decision making as well. If any genetic testing is recommended (or perhaps has been done). Oncologist will be thorough and present best care information. I was not a candidate for genetic testing (based on family history of breast cancer and other information).
Be supportive of sister and see how things roll out and what help she needs. Cancer diagnosis is a big deal emotionally and physically.
If parent(s) are doing well in AL facility (or in their home situation), I would hold back and not rush any decisions. If sister does some things regularly for parent(s) see how that can be taken off her shoulders.
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Not a great day. First, DH goes to the doctor and FORGETS THAT THE POINT OF THE APPOINTMENT WAS TO GET AN ADHD EVALUATION FOR MEMORY ISSUES. I’m upset and worried. And annoyed at myself for not going with him.
Then my dad’s lady friend called and said they think he has had a stroke and is going to the ER. He’s on this two-month cycle. He was in the hospital in August, October, and December, and now it’s another two months. 
I have so much work to do and I’m a mess.
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Oh no!!! it has been such a roller coaster for you and yours
Oh my . . . .it’s easy for me to say but breathe. I hope both situations work themselves out quickly!
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MIL has been on hospice for three years. She is a hot mess, and SIL has to stay on top of things to make sure she is properly taken care of. There is an aide 30 hours a week, and we’ve talked about adding another aide. With SIL & her H, there’s often drama with the aide - that’s just how they operate - so SIL & her H like to be there when the aide is there (sort of defeats the purpose, but we don’t criticize). Moving her here would be really, really difficult on MIL. We can’t afford to go to help out for an extended period unless H moves into MIL’s AL apartment (which he could do, but that would be a last resort - he’d have to sleep on an air mattress) - SIL has never had us stay with her, and she definitely isn’t going to start if she’s going through a tough time physically. H is really stressed about all of it.
As difficult as it was to lose my parents when they were relatively young (75 & 83), I was spared the sad, slow ending that H is going through with his 97 year old mom.
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Big hugs to everyone who is dealing with health and caretaker issues. When I last posted about my mom in early January, she was refusing to take her meds and I was worried she’d end up in memory care. On January 15, I took her to the doctor who advised that we take her off all meds except for depakote sprinkles which she wouldn’t detect if we put it in her food. This was to calm her anger and agitation. After 8 days, I could tell the depakote wasn’t working. Her aide, C, was texting me every morning with updates about how difficult mom was at night (yelling, hitting, trying to get out of bed).
Last weekend was particularly rough. Local brother and his wife were there for 12 hours last Sunday and called the facility nurse twice. I have POA and first nurse called me to say she needed to go to the hospital. I said “no way” since I was positive mom wouldn’t want that and there was no upside. Second nurse (6 hours later) said her vitals were good and she didn’t need to go to the hospital. Then mom slid out of bed at 5 a.m. and C had to call security to get her back in bed.
Monday morning I made an appointment at the health center with the PA. PA told me mom looked terrible and suggested I take her to the hospital. I told her that mom wouldn’t want the hospital. She persisted and I asked her if mom would even survive a trip to the ER and all that entails. The PA said she probably would not. Right then, we changed our plan to hospice care. On Tuesday, I returned (2 hour drive) and the hospital bed, oxygen, and all the medical supplies arrived. Mom’s behavior was still out of control and she kept referring to unspecific pain. Xanax, ativan, and haldol did nothing. As a matter of fact, they all seemed to increase her agitation. On Thursday, hospice switched her to morphine every four hours. Her breathing was labored and we could detect the death rattle. She was sleeping peacefully. By Saturday morning, her breathing was erratic and the frequency of morphine was increased. She passed away in the early afternoon. She was at peace, at last.
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It sounds like you handled it well, under difficult circumstances. Wishing you peace and stamina in the coming weeks.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. May fond memories bring you comfort.
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I wish facilities that care for aged didn’t always rush to try to get patient to ER or hospital, but I guess they’re concerned about liability. Hospitals are indeed very very disorienting places for anyone, but someone who’s already agitated would have a worse time of it. I am glad you handled it as well as you did @Mansfield. Thank goodness your mom had you as her advocate. It’s too bad that your mom’s situation is all too common in our society and so many aged die in the ER or hospital rather than in calmer, more comfortable settings.
I hope your happier earlier memories provide comfort and peace.
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That’s why my MIL has been on hospice for three years … it’s the only way AL will allow her/us to say no to the hospital.
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By the way, for anyone who has hearing aids and/or hearing aid supplies that they no longer need or want, there is a place to donate them, regardless of their condition.
You can look at info@hearingcharities.org. They have a form, Donate Hearing Aids - Hearing Aid Project ~. You can mail the donation to Sertoma International (www.sertoma.org), 720 Main St., Floor 1, Kansas City, Missouri 64015.
They will take hearing aid in any condition, including those that won’t charge. If they can’t use/refurbish, they will recycle. They have FAQs on their website and a toll-free number 816-333-8300 to get more info. I’m happy as I’m sending them a hearing aid that won’t charge and we have no use for. The other two sets Costco was willing to reprogram so H has a pair that we purchased for him plus the 2 sets from my folks that he can use as spares.
Sadly, the AirPod Pro2 that we had so much hope for were a dud for H—he said they made sharp noises the hurt his ears and he really didn’t like them so we returned them to BestBuy, where we purchased for full refund. They were MUCH cheaper than “regular hearing aids, $160-260 vs $2500-5000).
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I’m so sorry for this loss – you were steadfast to the end. May the memories help in the months to come.
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MaineLonghorn, that sounds like a really bad day.
I’m wishing tomorrow will be much better.
Wishing you peace, Mansfield.
That’s been a rough road.
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Thanks, everyone. DH already heard back from the doctor’s office so he will make an appointment.
My dad did NOT have a stroke, yay. But he’s confused. He has a bladder infection but it’s so mild they doctor doesn’t think it could cause his problems. They’re going to start him on antibiotics and admit him to the hospital to make sure he doesn’t have a more serious infection. My sister is with him.
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May her memory be a blessing. (((Hugs))) to you.
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