Wow that is all a lot to process for you! Glad he’s ok.
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I’m on a business trip to Europe and I’m a bit grateful to be away from the needs of the seniors.
My brother (who is now retired) asked how flexible my trip is “just in case”. My reply was that I have business meetings and a trade show and am not likely to come home “just in case.”
Since my husband died a year ago, I have traveled to see my father 7 times. My brothers do what they can but I don’t any need more emotional burden.
We all try to communicate; this time Dad has been in the hospital for two weeks (I’ve been there since he has been in the hospital), and step mom is also needing help. (Maybe her favorite niece could help?).
Dad just got moved to rehab in the hospital facility.
We are paying a nurse team under the table to visit Dad and transport SMom when they can. We are still running Dad’s business (yes, insurance man, I can get you a new copy of the tenants’ lease). And getting organized to file and pay their taxes. To the nurse…Gee, I’m sorry the team didn’t send a full set of clothes to the hospital for Dad. Can someone get Dad a milkshake and see if he has any interest in eating? SMom had a cough for over 3 weeks, yet no one thought a xray was a good idea.
Brother thought it was good that Dad’s Oxygen saturation is 95% — Um, he’s on supplemental oxygen.
Can I tell you I’m tired? And I really need this trip?
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Thanks for the update – the trip seems like an important part of making sure you have enough bandwidth to tackle the road ahead. It’s a marathon, not a sprint — and I am so sorry that you already know that.
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Oh, take care of yourself!! I am so thankful that my dad’s advocate handles all the issues that come up. And nobody asked me to pay Dad’s quarterly taxes this month, so I guess he and his bookkeeper are taking care of that.
We just got a report from the advocate today. Dad is doing great. He has a cold, but so does everyone else in Austin, apparently. He tested negative for COVID.
He wants a prosthetic leg so badly, but nothing seems to be happening. It hasn’t even been four months since the amputation, and I think they want to make sure the wound is fully healed.
His lady friend isn’t visiting as often, which is interesting.
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Yes, please take care of yourselves, all who are helping with their elders. It’s so easy to be swept up in all the needs of our loved ones and give ourselves short shrift. It is definitely a marathon not a sprint! Having a GOOD advocate sounds really important, especially if you’re quite remote from the elder.
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I suspect her hopes/dream/fantasy of potential marriage - she doesn’t see that happening, which is as it should be IMHO from afar and not knowing all the circumstances.
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Your family will manage w/o you available - and perhaps will start gaining more insight because they have to be the ones overseeing things, they have to be the ‘safety net’.
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Maybe the meeting where it was cleared about who can and cannot give orders to the aides and rides back to residences has caused the GF to re-evaluate her position.
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I agree @Mom22039 — time for your brothers to step up and take care of THEIR responsibilities toward their elders. Sometimes when we do a lot, it allows others to coast. Time for others to “man up.”
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I hope your business trip goes well. And… I know this hardly ever happens on business trips, but I hope that somewhere you get a window of time where you can do something just for personal enjoyment…. even if it’s just trying a new flavor of gelatto.
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Actually, I arrived in Rome Saturday before meetings begin tomorrow. Yay two days!
Mostly, I wanted extra time in case of airline issues. Decompression is working! Meetings begin tomorrow morning at 11:00 — more lazy morning to prepare!
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Have a LOVELY meal & time while decompressing. Perhaps a nice long tea or a brunch or dinner?
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We live 100 miles from my in laws and my husband’s brother lives 1/4 mile away. My in laws don’t need a ton of help at this exact moment but my bil likes to check in every day for a few minutes.
My bil came to our house this weekend to stay, said that he needed some time away.
I told him that it’s no one’s fault and that no one is being too needy. But just being there sometimes sucks all the oxygen out of the air. We all need a break.
My bil is still working also. Which adds another layer to everything.
So enjoy your week with no thoughts of caregiving. Things will work themselves out. Or not but you deserve to get a break also.
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Sister talked to Lady Friend just now. LF did propose to Dad, and she said, “He had the most ridiculous excuses for why we can’t marry…” Sis told her yeah, he’s good at avoiding discussions, but it’s because of church. LF had told us at Christmas she would ask once and then drop it, but now she says she will ask again. Sigh. I really wish they could live together platonically, but God forbid they do anything that suggests the “appearance of evil” (I heard that phrase a lot growing up).
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Well, if your dad DOES decide he MAY wish to marry, I hope he has all his affairs and order and makes sure that his property will be passed on to those he wants it passed on to (pre-nup, etc). The Lady Friend does sound rather persistent and doesn’t sound like she really UNDERSTANDS your dad and his connection with his church.
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I think you’re right. I think it’s hard for any “outsider” to truly understand.
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People definitely have interesting and complicated relationships with their churches. That’s one of the reasons I have left the church I grew up in. In college, I nearly married a Jewish guy and we even were going to get counseled by the rabbi. My kids are fairly agnostic as well, even though we were all raised Roman Catholic.
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As I’ve said on many a thread … The best “counseling” I ever received came from my bff who also is a therapist … When a person overperforms, it gives others permission to underperform.
Glad you are on this trip and took some time for yourself.
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I’m not sure that the lady friend understands that it seems like your dad doesn’t want to get married. If he did, he would be doing the asking.
He may want companionship but marriage, it doesn’t sound like it.
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I really think your dad likes the relationship just as it is and isn’t in the mood for any changes. I guess if there’s an ultimatum, who knows?
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