The times I find myself missing my mom are around 8 p.m. I had started calling her every night and keeping her occupied on the phone so that my brother and his wife would get a break from having to deal with her. The conversations usually weren’t terribly fruitful, but it felt like I was helping when I wasn’t there. Sometimes dh and I would keep her on the phone for 10 minutes, sometimes for an hour.
Typing this made me cry. 
I am not looking forward to the April anniversary of her passing.
OMG, the caregiver we let go several months ago sent my sister a Facebook message that’s unbelievably mean and horrid. She even wrote that my nephew who died by suicide is in the lake of fire in hell!!! I thought they had changed my Dad’s apartment locks when we fired this woman, but they didn’t. Maintenance balked when I called them about changing the locks, so I sent them the message. RIght away, they expedited the request and the lock company will come out tomorrow. Security has also been alerted and I sent them a couple of photos of her I found on her Facebook profile.
I think it’s about the most vile thing I’ve ever read. She’s obviously very disturbed. My sister’s address pops right up on Google, so I told her to be vigilant. Fortunately, the message rolled right off of Sis’s back. She’s mostly worried about Dad.
I ended up calling my mom. She was in a pretty good mood.
She lives in the same town as my sibling. She wants me and my husband to drive to her place, 400 miles away to accompany her to the BMV to get a new drivers license and change her car registration to her new state.
I thought she wanted me to do this because she wants to renew her drivers license and my sibling doesn’t want her to. I told her that I needed all of this to be honest and transparent. My sibling has mom’s paperwork at her house so mom would have to get them from her. The thought was that mom would give up her car when this license expires. But mom still thinks she is fine driving. There’s also the issue having her 2012 ford explorer pass inspection, which I have no idea about.
I’m sorry to all of those I might have upset because they miss their parents. I certainly understand, I’ve been in quite a winter funk lately.
I think your sister should report her to the police!
You needn’t apologize. It’s all a lot right now, isn’t it? For everyone. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
I will suggest it. They might. It do anything since she didn’t make any direct threats.
Well, now you made me laugh, because the driver’s license talk reminded me how my mom was so sure that she could still drive because her insurance company kept giving her a “safe driver’s discount” for not having a wreck. She only hadn’t had a wreck in three years because she hadn’t driven in three years! lol
Like my mother said when she lost her license after a driving test, “Who comes to a complete stop at right turn on red?”
The DMV was in her immediate neighborhood and involved streets she always drove. Her handful of fender benders involved only her car. Well, and the drive through bank station, which is why the test was required.
My mother drove off the rails at a car wash! 
Have you reviewed the tax implications of selling it now vs. waiting until you inherit it? Even though it’s a pain, it might be better financially to hold onto it for a while longer.
Mom wants their house sold this year, specifically to avoid Local Sibling having more work to do as her executor when the time comes. She doesn’t need the money and neither do we, so unloading it will be so much relief. Perhaps we are not the only ones.
If the house isn’t in a trust, it can take six months to year (or more) for probate which means the family has to pay taxes, insurance, and upkeep until it clears. Our state doesn’t have Transfer on Death for real estate, so selling before someone passes would be preferable to me. Of course, I’m sure a more valuable home might change my opinion.
OK, thanks, I will look into it!
FYI - Transfer on Death Deeds (TODDs) | Texas Law Help
It says you can name more than one person, but not sure if you could assign a Trust as TOD.
Of course I do see the appeal of being done with the work involved in being a landlord. Management company helps, but it can still be stressful.
I think I posted this before but my dad (1923-2014) carried hundreds of dollars in his pants pockets (always cargo shorts whatever the weather) to give to drivers with whom he had fender-benders. I can only hope he never killed or seriously injured anyone!
SIL found out her cancer protocol yesterday. Chemo starts next week, year long regimen that includes surgery and reconstruction. She is 72, overweight and in poor physical condition. I don’t know how she can handle being the sib in charge of MIL (who is almost 98), much less how she can keep this from her mom (which is her plan). I really think that H needs to be working with her on getting their mom near us. It would be a major undertaking, but I don’t see how his sister can take care of herself and their mom for the next year. I have told H that he needs to deal with this situation, but I am done. It’s his mom, his family. But I worry.
@kelsmom ,
I was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer in 2023, as a fit healthy 67 year old. It really played havoc on my mind and body compared to the breast cancer that I dealt with seamlessly at 35. My brain got really foggy.
We just aren’t as resilient as we were in our thirties. Chemo caused cardiac problems, various other stuff resulted in hospitalizations, etc. A year long protocol of chemo, surgery, reconstruction, is a lot.
She is going to need all her energy to take care of herself. There will be no extra to take care of her mother or even to hide it from her mother ….
I’m so sorry.
That’s what I thought. It will be 18 weeks of chemo, surgery (they will evaluate at end of chemo to determine if lumpectomy or complete), followed by 33 weeks of immunotherapy. It sounds overwhelming to me.
It might be the greatest gift your H can give his sister (which she will eventually realize) if he can relieve her of the MIL responsibilities. Like she is doing for you (or should!) you can give her updates on MIL so she doesn’t feel out of the loop. I also understand your need to step away from the decision making. Hoping for the best for you SIL.
Sometimes when you are newly diagnosed, you can’t process how much your life is going to change so you just hang on to whatever is happening right now. I think you are correct in that this may be overwhelming to expect her to manage; H might approach it as a temporary fix and start by hiring help , there. At 98, I would worry about relocating your MiL. I understand the SiL’s first reaction to not tell her mom, but that seems super unrealistic. Perhaps in a few days things will feel clearer. You don’t know what you know, until you know it. Hang in there