My mom has a Gmail account. The WiFi at her IL place is spotty at best.
I tried to reset the password and the phone number listed, she hasn’t had in 15 years. The recovery email, same.
On her phone, it says a generated password that I have no idea if it will work or not. I don’t want to lock out the only email account she has working.
Also mom ordered clothes from China but she put the wrong mailing address. She got an email from them that they can resend the clothes but she would have to pay again for shipping. I told her to cancel the order.
With both my mom and my in laws, local siblings have much different ways of doing things. I’m usually happy to let things go the course but sometimes it’s really hard.
MIL has an older iPad she hasn’t used since 2019. Her gmail account was used for email to that (the IPad was never used for email…) but the phone number used when this was set up many years before 2019 was her landline. Landlines can’t be used for two factor authorization. And so far, everything has transferred from her former iPad…but no one can figure out how to change that phone number.
So I suggested creating a second gmail account. And not using two factor at all. And deleting the other email from the iPad entirely.
Let’s see how long this new one sits at my house. It’s been here for at least 6 weeks already.
I was asked to check applications to improve cognitive ability. They all require sequencing, and good finger control. And memory.
Whew! My dad was balking at paying the financial advisor, so she went to his apartment to talk to him in person, and that did the trick. He’s onboard now. My sister and I will have a Zoom meeting with the FA tomorrow to get started. Yay!!!
Wow—so many crazy things when folks get older. So glad that the financial advisor was able to reason with your dad, @MaineLonghorn! That must be a HUGE relief!
RE: suggestions for apps for a non-tech person (elder or NOT)… bring up a few of the topics on the scam thread.
It is hard enough for those of us with still SOME sense to not fall for scams on devices. One of my friends, yes we are older, but he was an IRS agent for 20 years fairly recently fell for an email scam involving credit cards.
My mom was so afraid of getting scammed that she bought 23 (yes almost 2 dozen) $2 a month “scam prevention insurance/wallet protections” policies… which were the scam in themselves. Fortunately I had access to her bank accounts and credit cards and was able to snuff them out (repeatedly).
My MIL fell last night and broke her tailbone. In the subacute rehab facility. I have had to cover my ears and say La-la-la because I can’t deal with my SIL and her H right now. The whole story about how it happened and what my BIL (who runs the show) wants to do now just makes me angry, and it’s not my business. H needs to deal with it, and I need to just zip it. But her slow improvement from her initial four pelvic fractures will surely be set back after this.
Yes. He is H’s sister’s husband. His sister no longer thinks for herself, and her H decides everything. He has been helpful in many ways, but he also stretches the truth. We’re not sure what to believe sometimes. Being so far away is just awful - H has to depend on them to do the work with his mom. She didn’t want to move near us, and now there’s no way we could move her that far.
I understand as I was the farthest away (three hours). When my mom would say something I had no idea whether I could believe her, but my siblings also weren’t the most reliable reporters as their emotions clouded it all. My brother would do the classic “Don’t you remember (whatever)?” No, brother, she is 92 and has dementia and cannot remember!
Anyway, I recall that about you BIL because I watched a senior specialist’s seminar and she made a point of saying that falls can be part of the decline and doesn’t necessarily reflect poor care but that it makes some family feel better to blame staff rather than acknowledge the decline in their loved one. It’s tough.
When we spent a week there after her first fall, we had meetings with staff and were able to observe BIL up close & personal. Too many things about what he said just didn’t add up, and H realized that he can only believe part of what his BIL says. It’s beyond frustrating, but at least H knows not to just believe what he is told.
I think it’s hard to be the local child and in its own way it’s hard to be the child that isn’t nearby
I try really hard to let my sibling do her thing and try to help with the things that she’s not. More of the financial situation and sibling does the medical
My mom is very negative, it has to be so hard and I don’t want to add to that burden.
@kelmom, I’m so sorry for your situation and for the bil who seems to be difficult? Struggling? Not entirely honest about what the true story is? Ugh! That’s the worst, not getting a clear picture of what actually is going on.
For those of us, who aren’t the child, kudos to us for trying to let our spouse handle things in their own ways!
On my in law front, my husband says his mom will be released tomorrow. He talked to an agency about in home care and will discuss that with his mom. She’s in a lot of pain which is hard. Husband says slowly but surely they are figuring things out.
In a big relief to me lol, it sounds like we won’t have to deal with the shared dog. The neighbor is happy to walk the dog. She’s not a bother except to walk and that seems to be taken care of. Whew!
@deb922 When I faced the grocery and takeout ordering challenges with my parents, we changed course. Instead of all of us continuing to pull our hair out while trying to teach them how to use the apps and websites, I would have them call me and read me their list. I was also able to make some healthy choice suggestions. I had their credit card number and would then place the order for them. Same with takeout food.
While still a little tedious, it was much less frustrating for us all.
My understanding is that the rehab has been doing a good job managing her pain. I think that will help her to cope with this latest break. But whether she can muster up the energy to continue PT now remains to be seen. I feel awful for her - it must be so frustrating for her to be 98 and dealing with this.
Using their credit card also allows the one who is helping not to also shoulder the financial burden of providing all the provisions out of one’s own pocket as well.
We just took my folks out of brought food in for them. Since there were 7 of us to divvy up the duties and pay, it wasn’t overly onerous to any one of us.
This is directed at the BIL – if someone is a fall risk, they are going to fall, unless they have a 24/7 live-in aide giving one on one care. And even then, a fall might happen.
My Dad fell repeatedly until we got a live in caregiver; he then only fell a couple of times after that. My Mom is in a Memory Care unit where the staffing is excellent but of course not one on one. She has fallen a bunch of times when alone in her room (not using her walker).
Luckily no one has broken any bones (so far . . . )
My mom’s last fall happened when she had two people with her. She pushed one aide out of the way and twisted away from the other and fell and hit her head. They were trying to help her bathe which was an ordeal with her ALZ. It could’ve happened to anyone so we certainly don’t blame them. frankly I’m happy that it didn’t happen under my watch because she fought me too.
MIL’s falls are inevitable. X-rays taken when she broke her pelvis revealed old spinal fractures no one knew about - so it appears she had fallen other times. The family has tried to get her to do things to minimize falls, such as using her lift chair the way it’s supposed to be used (letting it lift her to a standing position so she doesn’t have to lift herself up), using a bedside commode at night, using adult briefs. She is going to do what she wants to do, and it will probably be what finally takes her out. But BIL wants to blame others, and he wants to do things that aren’t safe … for example, he wants to put a crash mat (like a kid’s Nugget) next to her bed. That is not a solution - it is an impediment to standing and can absolutely cause falls. As I’ve mentioned, he is an odd guy with odd ideas who definitely helps out - but whose quirks often bring added stresses. What irks me is that he keeps putting himself in the position of decision maker. He is not legally a decision maker. The healthcare workers can’t communicate with him in the manner he expects, and we’ve caught him saying no one contacted the family only to find out that they actually had contacted SIL. My tongue hurts from biting it, and my H is doing his best to appreciate what is being done for his mom - while also trying to make sure he actually knows what’s going on.
DH was visiting MIL. He was on one side of her in the kitchen, and the 1:1 caregiver was on the other side (MIL was doing a very simple meal prep thing). She fell…and two people were right there.
. She is literally falling to pieces but manages to hang on. I hope her pain is being managed.