Aging and getting up and down steps, toilet seats and more just gets more and more challenging. We had an OT and PT come and evaluate mom and what we could all do to help her safely navigate our different cars and homes. It definitely was a challenge but she was a great sport. She was in her 90s but as she got weaker, it got much harder.
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Yes, and the fear of falling is very real as many of us get older and weaker.
My 72 year old SIL has fallen several times in the last year of so. She often uses a can and even a walker (especially when she underwent chemo earlier this year). She has a very real fear of falling, but unfortunately she wonāt go to PT. I feel bad for her, because sheās limiting herself at such a young age.
There are some great videos on youtube for balance exercises for seniors done by physical therapists. Even incorporating some very simple ones can make a big difference. My dad started with marching in place on a rubber cushion while holding onto his walker.
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Tai Chi can be very helpful for balance. Iāve been taking an online class for a few years: Tai Chi Moving for Better Balance. Itās designed for seniors. They stress being cognizant of foot placement and not lifting one foot until the other is secure. Itās meant to develop muscle memory and I really think itās helped me.
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I donāt think Iāve posted an update about my dadās prosthetic leg (the one that knowledgeable people told me he would never be given due to his age). Heās been working hard at outpatient therapy. His advocate took a video of him walking down the hall of his independent living facility using a walker! He looks good in the video. He should be able to walk at his grandsonās wedding in October. 
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Can you please post a link? Thanks.
This is the program:
My class is run by a couple of women through the city of Oxnard (I live elsewhere) via email invites- some from their in person sessions, and others from an old area community college class that their master used to teach, which I took years ago. We just started a new session - not sure if theyāre still adding people but I can send their emails via DM. Next class will likely start in January.
Sorry, it was just a thought. I brought my dad and stepmother to my apartment when they had no power after Hurricane Sandy and it was the hardest 10 days I ever experienced! Best to you, whatever you decide.
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Apologies for over -posting but I need a ventā¦.
DH called his folks last night to check on them; 90 minutes almost entirely FiLās anxious recount of his medical problems and MiLās āmysteriousā cough. He talks and makes no sense: She has classic COPD or emphysema, depending on which doctor they believe. Her lungs are fine, her lungs look like a career smoker (she never smoked, her parents smoked until it killed them both). Sheās overly tired, she canāt sleepā¦but rather than callan ambulance when FIL has AFib episodes, she drives him to urgent care.Heās taking her to his own doctor today to get another opinion. He gives her his meds sometimes to see if that helps with this wheeze he insists he hears.
He believes some GI problem has up and given him AFib and is frustrated his cardiologist āwonāt agree with meā. He just had cataract surgery and it apparently didnāt work on his left eye āso now I canāt driveā except in 2 weeks they are going 1.5 hr away to a concert w BiL. He has more procedures for his bladder cancer but thinks he needs an endoscopy first. Then heās back to the AFib and the terrible dangerousness of it and how nobody is doing anything to stop it, just giving him metoprolol and Eliquis, neither of which he could remember or pronounce; he also thinks they wonāt work and he needs a new doctor at a bigger hospital in the city.
They live in a multistory, all stairs house in the middle of the woods. He plans to have their golf carts fixed so they can āmove around the propertyā. Lives in a fantasy of the right doctor will make him 70 again, and MIL will never die. House is a mess. They own 2 Florida homes they cannot rent nor sell. BiL shrugs and says it will all workout somehow. FiL is 100% impossible to reason with.
All this bc we will be 30 minutes from them this month w S2/DiL, and were going to stop and say hi. FiL says no, he canāt commit to that now, he has to see what they are able to endure (his word! Endure!) by then. Heās so overwhelmed, so suprised to be old and so shocked/unprepared and so completely unable to listen to anyone. I could scream. Or cry.
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I donāt even know what to do with that! Your worry cup must be full even when you try not to let it be.
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Also, I may have posted this before. Itās a video on tips for avoiding falls while walking. My Tai Chi instructors sent it out a few months ago. I knew most of these but the review was good, especially the reasons behind the techniques.
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Like many of us, you kinda move past despair and worry into some sort of numb acceptance and disassociation. You feel like you should keep trying to reason with them, but there really is no point anymore.
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@greenbutton you are never over posting!
This is hard!
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Youāre definitely not over posting. The sort of stuff youāre talking about is exactly why this thread exists.
Thereās not much you can do. Sounds like itās to the point where it almost doesnāt matter what you guys suggest to your MIL & FILā¦anything you say to them, theyāre not going to listen. They have their own ideas ingrained in their heads, theyāre stubborn, and theyāre not going to change.
So you just listen.
My MIL was like this. Sheād complain about different things. My DH would make suggestions & offer to assist with procuring or setting up things that would make stuff easier for her. She refused all of it. DH, his sister, and the rest of us eventually reached a point with her where we sort of gave up and weād just listen to her complain. And we stopped making suggestions and offering solutions. She didnāt want suggestions or solutions. Itās frustrating for sure.
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We just tried to keep the elders as comfortable as possible. We tried to keep communication open with the MDs. It IS hard!
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I think itās human nature to want to help.
You have to have that person be ready to listen.
If you canāt, itās futile.
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Some people have to ācrisisā their way into appropriate care. It is horrible for caring family members to wait for the other shoe to drop and it is also likely to constrict options to what is available in that moment of urgent need. Hospital discharge when home is not an option, too many health risks with being at home (falls, inadequate food or failure to recognize spoiled food), etc. can get one there. Since it is often impossible to guess what exact needs will be driving the bus at that time and frequently a wish to do something, one option for family members is to independently research various types/levels of care options, just in case. It is a mediocre substitute for cooperative, pro-active planning with seniors, but could be a helpful starting point when circumstances shift enough that there is no alternative but to modify things.
I gained much from this thread while navigating my parentsā care and finances in their last 15 years (deceased in ā06 and ā17) and continue to marvel at how much concern and effort is going on for everyone here. Sometimes self-care is the best we can do all around. Hang in there.
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Oddly enough, I started that yesterday ā Iām collecting basic info on what exists in their area, and where BiL lives (my inlaws would never agree to come live near us). The only obstacle has been facilities who want my inlaws contact info, which Iām not risking giving out at this point.
I worry about DH. His family is small and he is sad that they have no particular interest in him or our kids. They love him, for sure, but seem to forget he exists. Heās resigned to it, grieving the āwhat could have beensā.
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THIS. I think this is the thing that makes the whole process harder for people. You not only grieve the dead and dying, you grieve the relationships that were never what you wanted them to be. I thought that I might never see or speak to my siblings after our mom died, but my sister and I are in some ways closer now that we rely only on ourselves to communicate. Iām free to set boundaries that I couldnāt set easily while they were in the picture, which makes for a healthier relationship.
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