That is what I grieve. I am so glad you have a happy ending. I do not, as I resigned my secondary power of attorney less than 4 months before my father died, based on my lawyer’s advice. I now see it was inevitable, as my father and his brother, in my opinion, had a falling out during my grandmother’s extended stay at a nursing home over 30 years ago. There are huge ripple effects that I cannot change, but I will try to spare my kids this fate. (I don’t have WaPo subscription, so I have not read, but I follow this topic closely.)
6 Likes
We cancelled our WaPo subscription when Bezos bent the knee, rats…
We are actively trying to make less work for our kids. My ILs have no plan. None. Nothing. My parents had extensive plans they updated on the regular, gave us binders of updates every year, and when my father died we had an actual list of what to do and how to do it. My mom voluntarily chose an AL facility over staying in their home about 16 months later, and we know she did it for us. We just sold that house, per her desire to not hang on to it and hence keep it easier on her executor (Local Sibling)
We keep a notebook of passwords, banks, etc. We are working through a list of house things to get done before DH retires and our income changes. We don’t have any debt now and hope that can continue. The single hardest part is a commitment to examine our housing once we hit 70, and then every year after, via a checklist DH has made. It’s become painfully obvious that everyone says “I’ll know when, but I want to stay in the house as long as possible” but then our ability to judge that erodes and bam, our kids are stressed out trying to help. Our kids are about 1200 miles apart so I hope we can not have to choose between their locations, and instead hope to move, at some point, into one of our own city’s multi-step facilities. Time will tell.
2 Likes
Me, too. After 40 years.
Like @greenbutton I am working on getting together all of the information together for my kids, D has our safe confirmation and there is information there on passwords as well as phone and laptop pin #’s.
I have files on the house - docs from when we bought as well as receipts, maintenance records, etc. I got a bunch of that organized last weekend.
When everything is completed, I will walk D through all of it.
My in laws had nothing organized and it was a real headache for H and his sisters because they could not find paper work. They did have an estate attorney who was helpful, thankfully. But I am determined to make this as painless as possible for my kids. I consider it a gift to them.
6 Likes
I have 2 weeks left on my subscription, which I did not renew. I have 8 gift links left if anyone needs something.
4 Likes
Thanks so much!
I have apple news plus so I could read the article but couldn’t gift it, I really appreciate you sharing this
1 Like
I can’t open either of the gift links. I’m also a former subscriber who dropped at the same time. It’s a conspiracy! lol
But a non-cc friend also tried to gift it to me and was so mad that it wouldn’t work that she C&P’d it in an email. I can do that if this last share doesn’t work for everyone. It’s a good story.
3 Likes
I have trouble with gift links from WP because I previously had a subscription.
I think I posted about it in another thread
I don’t mind if you copy and paste it here.
To be clear, my link was not a gift link. I stated that
Glad to be of help. Were you able to open it?
I just tried. I can if I enter my email address, get a link, and log into my Washington Post account.
Pretty clunky but if I do all those steps, I can read the article.
Thanks again. A pox on the WP though!
No I will not resubscribe for $2 a week. Not for any price!
5 Likes
I can’t believe they make it so hard. They offered me a $29 annual subscription and still wouldn’t renew.
1 Like
I subscribed to WP by mistake earlier this year. Just a braindead moment seeing a good deal, getting confused with WSJ which had been on my mind to pursue. (I have NYT, as side benefit of getting my father the printed weekend papers and wanted a slightly more conservative counterbalance). I cancelled WP soon after, but they still do send me the daily top 7 email stories, rather helpful. Of course it does not let me log into any of the links for more detailed stories.
1 Like
The article absolutely showed how some situations had a lot of people with their head in the sand for sure! Absolutely a ‘labor of love’ and working out to have the best workable solutions.
We hope to move near DD1/family - help them in their years of need with young family, and later as DH and I age, we hope DD1 can oversee things if needed.
2 Likes
Thinking about becoming “less than” one is currently is never a happy thought, but it really is a kindness to everyone to be realistic and try NOT to leave behind an awful mess. I am trying to be as organized as possible and trying NOT to buy or accumulate more “stuff.” Also trying to be organized with our medical providers and loop in our kids about our finances and other important things.
We also met with a geriatrician for H, “just in case” we need more help for tough issues. She’s very nice and we had a good conversation. She helped us complete the POLST, so that our wishes will be honored with respect to CPR and other important issues and there should be NO confusion. She spent 3 hours with us!
My dad, mom and brother all died over the past few years and each left a mess. Dad expected brother to handle everything and at some point was unable to keep track of it all. Mom just went along with whatever dad and brother said. We are having a treasure hunt and continue finding things that need to be claimed and resolved. We are hoping we find everything, but who knows? We console ourselves that we at least are uncovering assets and not debts.
9 Likes
When Dementia Has a Seat at the Holiday Table
gift link https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/23/opinion/dementia-alzheimers-holiday-table.html?unlocked_article_code=1.-08.hYQN.fB_4psbeqK7L&smid=url-share
4 Likes
Love this passage …
”I’ve told many people that, after the journey of dementia with a loved one, you won’t be the same. How you change is a choice. You’ll either be more open and more gracious or harder and more closed off. The holiday season, when sensitivity runs high, is a good time to reflect on that.”
7 Likes
Today marks a milestone for my MIL. She has officially lived one day longer than her sister did. She has asked numerous times if she’s outlived her yet, and we’ve wondered whether she has been holding on just to beat her.
11 Likes
There was that ‘competition’ between two of MIL’s sisters - and one did ‘beat’ the other (died after the other and met her goal).
IDK if ‘living longer, living better’ is the thought - but it is a measurement that is indisputable.
1 Like
My mom was the baby of her family and the last to die. She was the sole matriarch for quite a few years. She was glad that all of us, her kids and grandkids were around to keep her company, especially after dad died a few years before her.
5 Likes
My mom has said for some time, off and on, that she just wants to die already.Our usual response is to say we understand, but she can’t die at Christmas it would be awful and she agrees well yes, that would be bad.
S2/DiL told us yesterday that they are expecting a baby this summer, and my first thoughts included well, Mom will have to wait for that, too.
10 Likes