Love that your dad is trying! Makes a huge difference for everyone.
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I ordered these slippers for Dad last month, and he’s been liking them. They are called “Diabetic Slippers”, but I selected them for the velcro flap approach. His wife still needs to help, but so much easier than his old slippers. The nice thing is that the velcro allows adjustability to use with or without socks. The rubber sole can be worn outside. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D5M3BJV3?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_fed_asin_title&th=1&psc=1
screenshot
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Where is the post asking for resources on ways to keep up with elderly parents in another location? I have an option to share.
Can’t find the post about keeping an eye on parents from afar, but check this out. It was shared with me by a friend. https://idyll.care/
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Deleted.
so it’s an AI Companion? Available for Apple only at this point, it seems. The data is managed by Anthropic.
Have they tried Skechers or Kizik step in shoes? Can be worn as slippers and no socks may be needed.
Step-in sketchers are great. Dad has one pair I brought for him (in my suitcase from Kohl… phew, first size attempted fit) after he broke his hip. We shopped for another pair when I was there this summer, but his ideal size 8.5 was not at that store. He didn’t love the size 9 pair we found, though I thought they were ok.
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I am just having a pity party here on the sad couch…
Mom’s aides and I think I need to not try to call her; they will help her call me instead because when she can’t get up to answer the phone, 8/10 times she completely panics. (and no, there is no better place to put her phone, and if there were, moving it would make it invisible to her brain). And I could see that coming.
We are also considering whether pull ups or tab briefs would be better for her current obsession with her bathroom (which she says is “wrong” and “not a bathroom”). Pull ups, she can’t get off on her own. Tab briefs, she can’t put on , on her own. She continues to resist all attempts to help her (unless it’s me). Keeps getting up to “fix” her bathroom. The other morning she called at 8 am and thank goodness my spidey sense picked up the phone – she was distraught because she needed cloth to make more diapers. She wants scissors (not happening).
The AL does not provide incontinence supplies, ordering them is my job. I spent too much time trying to pick sizes, types, prices, tabs or not. Started to cry. Kept crying. Of all the dumb triggers.
Her osteo is concerned that she’s been on Prolia long enough that jaw problems may start to appear, did I mention that? And that she can’t go off Prolia anyway?
Side stressor: DH’s post-surgery PSA test was done, was expected to be 0.0, it is not, doctors are “well, you can’t start radiation for 6 months anyway so let’s take it again and hope that was a false positive”.
Okay. That’s enough of that. Onward and upward. How is everyone else today?
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Just sending big hugs!
FWIW, incontinence supplies was an emotional trigger for me too so that doesn’t sound dumb to me at all!
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Sending you big hugs. And commiseration on the incontinence issues. We’re going through that with my dad.
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Big virtual hugs! Stay as long as you like on the pity couch. You know most here relate!
But playing the part of my husband who immediately goes to “fix it” mode…
Google “adaptive underwear”. They make things I’ve not thought of and haven’t seen. Maybe you can find a real solution.
And they make phones that look just like old rotary landlines that work as a cell phone with no bells and whistles. So it can be put anywhere. Like next to a place she likes to sit or next to the bed. Wouldn’t matter about the phone number because you’d be calling her (you know that number) and she can call you from any phone.
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H and I stopped into his mother’s on our way home from visiting our granddaughter and her parents.
Mil told H that she was interested in learning how to operate her iPhone. I think she was interested in visitors. I set up her phone, H culled her contacts list. I’m afraid I made things more complicated.
She was much more interested in complaining about other things. Such as her other son moving in with his lady friend and her grievances about her.
I feel a bit torn as I think my bil should definitely do what he wants and if moving in with his girlfriend is what he wants, great for him.
I do have to admit that I’ve experienced more than a couple instances where I can see that the GF seems to try and become more involved and overly familiar with things having to do with my mil who she hasn’t had a ton of contact with.
The gf should not try to get in the middle of trying to persuade my mil to do things or be involved in her care. The gf is admitting that she is way too over invested in her D’s life and that the therapist thinks there should be some more distancing.
I see the same behavior and some concerns with my mil. My mil told the gf in no uncertain terms that she will make up her own mind, thank you very much. There’s some tension there but hopefully the GF had figured out that my mil’s wants to make her own decisions. And that you should tread lightly but it’s also the child’s responsibility to figure out their mother’s situation as much as she will allow.
I think it’s a delicate balance to deal with an in-law and if you aren’t even that, let your SO deal with his mother.
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Parent - Adult - Child in my intro psych course first semester college, we discussed how these dynamics can change as the aging parent and the adult child somewhat switch places, but desire for dignity, respect, and a win-win to be established.
With aging, one physically gives up little by little. Sometimes some adults hang onto decisions to keep pieces of their life from ‘slipping away’ even if it is bad decisions.
Hopefully your DH and his brother can gently continue to meet the best needs as situations present themselves.
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We have a large linen closet that was a disaster, so I had my housecleaner organize it. Way up on the top shelf, there was a bag of adult diapers. I guess my mom must have put it up there after a visit. She passed away five years ago, but that was definitely a trigger for me. 
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We are now beginning the daunting task of finding a place for my father, as keeping him at home is proving untenable. There are two people full time in the house with him (my mother and a 24/7 aide) and it is still too much. The police have been there twice in the past 4 days to pick him up after he has gotten up and fallen in the night. My brother has come the other times.
It is overwhelming. It isn’t clear what type of facility would be best…a nursing home or a memory care unit of AL. I feel that putting him in a custodial facility will likely impede any cognitive improvement that may still be possible, but I’m not sure how much is reasonably likely.
My mother is meeting with a social worker this week to talk through options and get on waiting lists. She isn’t likely to do anything before their follow up with the neurosurgeon later this month, but she wants to figure out options now.
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I think you predicted this, which I know doesn’t make it any easier. So sorry that your father has not improved and this is the situation. Is it possible for you and your brother to zoom/facetime/listen in on the social worker meeting? I’m guessing your mother will be overwhelmed and struggle to remember all of the information and details. Good luck!
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That does sound really overwhelming. Good that you tried all you could to have him at home, but it is not sustainable long term. Was your mother able to meet with the social worker?
In our area it is the Fire Department that does the ‘pick up off the floor’ servicing - but there is a limit here with those services. I heard the number when I worked in skilled care/rehab before retiring almost 5 years ago, but of course each community has their rules on this.
Memory care will take care of all the issues - and IMHO would be the best match for him. Between the social worker and all the other sources of information, it possibly would be your brother and you doing ‘pre-screening’ and have your mother look at the two best options. Yes, it is a step she doesn’t want to take. It will be a very hard transition time. Hugs!
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How would you limit the lift assists? If someone is in the floor and they call they can’t just leave them there can they? I guess I could see insisting they be transported if it happens too frequently - EMS doesn’t get paid if there is no transport, at least in my state. This is one reason there is a move toward allowing paramedics to provide non- emergency services in a person’s home - Joe Smith has fallen three times in two months so you go back when it’s not an emergency and try to figure out what’s going on - low blood pressure? Trip hazards in the house? Drinking problem? Need for P/T? Things you can’t assess properly in the moment. But those programs are few and far between. I just can’t see how they can refuse to go when called though. We called a couple times over the years to get my mom up (and the neighbors a couple of other times) and the paramedics/EMTs were unfailingly kind and courteous. I’m really grateful for it. But she wasn’t a frequent flyer - other than the last two times, where she was transported to the hospital both times, there was a year or more between calls. Mom was super fearful of falling and accordingly careful. But until those last couple of times she always insisted she was fine and refused medical treatment. It definitely took two people to get her up though.
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