My MIL wanted to be able to watch her church service online using a tablet. I set everything up, and I left her step-by-step instructions. She couldn’t do it … actually, wouldn’t do it, because it truly wasn’t difficult even for someone with no technical skills. It was frustrating … she would complain about not being able to watch, but she would not make a real attempt to learn how. Sigh.
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I’m going to say though that she probably appreciated the fact you tried to make it happen for her. People wear down fast.
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I agree. But this is not the first time the teen has assaulted his dad. There need to be consequences and removal from the house for the sake of the younger siblings we were parenting.
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You might want to see about certain things done that will help a house sell. The popcorn ceilings in our area is an expensive undertaking (in 2017 I wish the guy we had that did some of it at a reasonable cost - wish I would have had him continue). He passed away from Covid, and his son didn’t pick up his company work. We had a small area in one bathroom recently done for $600.
The other things you list will make the house sell at ‘right price’ and what people want.
Some may want the smooth ceilings, but you might not recover your costs. Be sure to talk to a realtor in your area that knows the market.
We had previously owned 3 houses with popcorn ceilings (1979 - 1984 purchases in 3 cities/2 states), and I should have realized my dad (a builder in another state) always did smooth ceilings. We built a few years before smooth ceilings became a check off item/want (home we have been in since 1992).
We have mostly 10’ ceilings and higher, so it is less of a factor with ceilings so high/less ‘visible’ with being bothered with the texture. Rooms like formal living and dining were done smooth ceiling in 2017.
Fingers crossed that SIL will get his job soon in their city so we can get busy on decluttering/storing, repairs/updates and hit prime time market in 2027. Our home is in a higher demand area and should show well and sell reasonably quickly. We want to sell, get some stuff to new city/state, and really purchase right/knowing all we need to know. Maybe rent for a reasonable time. DD1/SIL/kids have lived in this city since summer 2023. Being close to them is important with their kids, and as we age, will be good for us
New roof a few years ago, HVACs pretty recent.
Another update - this one is actually a good one!
Spoke to my mother yesterday and my dad has had three solid good days in a row. At-home PT and OT has resumed, and he has been able to stand unassisted and can get himself up out of a seated position almost entirely independently now. Using the walker everywhere in the house. His mental state has been pretty good, still periods of confusion, but overwhelmingly more clear-headed.
Truly, for the first time in nearly 4 months, it feels like things are looking up.
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Awesome news!
Getting up out of seated position by himself is huge! My 99 year old father has been trying really hard to get strong enough to do that. He’s not quite there yet and maybe never will be (without a spotter). But it’s a milestone that he recognizes is important factor for independence.
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Your concerns are very realistic ones. I’ll give my opinions.
Move while you are young enough to establish a community of friends and activities at your new location…wherever that is. E.g. my in laws moved when they were 80 ish. They just didn’t have the bandwidth by then to become part of the fabric of their new community.
Our kids live 2500 miles apart and both are very likely to stay where they are. It is not possible for us to relocate near both, but if we relocate, it needs to be near a major airport so we can visit them.
We also only want to move one time…problem is, we actually like this oversized for us house and the location near the lake. But we need to drive everywhere, and if that becomes impossible, we won’t have a choice about moving. And problem 2 with this…even if we sell this house, what we could buy to replace it at even 1/2 the size would cost more. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is really the case.
Our kid who lives nearby says she will help us when needed, and I believe her!
We live within about 10 minutes of one hospital and 30 minutes or so to several level one and two trauma centers. And to an excellent suburban community hospital which is affiliated with our state medical school. We are very lucky…and wouldn’t want anything less.
We are a bad example of inertia…we are the “body at rest”.
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When we downsized from our big house to our 2 BR apartment a few years ago (at 60 something), we gave thought to would this be the final move. If not, the hard work was already done, moving again, at whatever age will be easy as we have much less to move.
Actually thinking it might not be the last move, made it easier to say well if this place isn’t perfect or no longer suits us later on, we just move again.
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And she’s fallen again. They are x raying her ankle at the ER with Local.
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Oh no! 
I think it is great that you are putting thought into various inputs about where to live in retirement and thoughts about trying to limit moves. I also agree one doesn’t want to wait until later in life - when it is difficult to ‘do’ the things that need to be done with a move w/o heavy reliance on paid help or family/friends.
DH and I are both 70, and can handle a lot of move dynamics ourselves as well as getting our home ready to put on the market. DD1 with children only moved away from close (2 hours away) in July 2023, with 4 young children. They have since had a 5th and DD1 continues to work FT in a career that she cannot step out/step back in - she continues to be the primary breadwinner and they don’t own their own home. Since she is an active BSN, she also is capable when we age to give practical insight and help guide any health care concerns. (I am BSN as well, but out of the loop, and she also knows more about the providers/care in her new city). We are awaiting the shoe to drop with her husband’s job after Army - it should happen soon.
It is a big transition for us. Some of our health care providers are retiring. DH and I can pick up with medical care in new city.
Our younger daughter is in a different phase of life even though she is only 25 months younger than her older sister. She is fine for us to be a plane ride away.
We have a friend that just made a big move after living in this community for quite a while. We know what we will be having to do.
It is a lot of work to move, and also to downsize stuff. We have no family in our location.
What @thumper1 said is true about things here - a smaller house would not be ‘cheaper’ here. We are in a very convenient location as long as we are drivers, and then we would have to rely on Uber.
Maybe time will dictate what shapes being a best decision for time and location on a retirement move.
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I used to think “downsize” would mean reduced costsin retirement. Turns out that foing to smaller but better suited place could cost more… but in some cases it comes with association services like lawn care. The good thing is square footage all on same floor. Lately I hear the term “right size” a lot.
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Have not heard this term before “intrinsic capacity” on aging and life longevity. Interesting article. (Gift article, should be able to see).
‘Intrinsic Capacity’: The Most Important Longevity Term You’ve Never Heard Of - The New York Times
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I found the premise of the article intriguing, but it lost me here:
Intrinsic capacity is also the focus of a new research program funded by ARPA-H (the Advanced Research Projects Agency for Health), part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. The program’s ultimate goal is to pave the way for drugs that extend health span to be approved by the Food and Drug Administration.
I am not interested in drugs that extend health span. Instead, what lifestyle choices and interventions allow a person to remain as healthy as possible for as long as possible? How do we make it possible for people to access and/or afford healthy lifestyle choices? Can they realistically access and prepare healthy foods? If not, what can be done to assist them in that effort? Do they know what exercises will keep them healthy as they age, and are they able to access assistance to help them safely exercise? Do they have access to groups that will provide them with community? Can they access testing for hearing and sight, and can they afford hearing aids and glasses? Do they affordable access to dental care? Drugs mask symptoms … the key is to identify and address the symptoms.
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I didn’t read the article because I’m not putting in my e-mail. But I was interested and found a lot of articles on it. The score of IC is a combo of many physical tests but they are working on a blood test which will tell same info. And of course it’s DNA based so as we’ve always known it helps to have been born with good genes.
Drugs have been used forever to target disease states in order to increase life span. That’s their whole point. Cardiac, chemo,pulmonary, antibiotics, drugs for diabetes, vaccines, etc. They all have side effects.
But there is a LOT of things out there that don’t get researched–vitamins and herbal medicines to start. Usually because they don’t make any money because they are already available.
There may be a market for micro-dosing drugs–a formulation of several drugs in tiny doses that while not suitable for a full blown disease state may be perfect to stave off those diseases in a huge population. It could be a combo of multivitamin, microdosed metformin (to lower blood sugar), aspirin as anti-inflammatory, maybe microdosed drug to lower heart rate on regular basis without causing side effects. Who knows? But nobody is going to research without an avenue to profit from it. Research to make recognized health claims takes a lot of money. But I imagine a combo like that would extend life span.
As for the providing access to other health avenues–those all require choice. The easiest and best advice is “all things in moderation”. Exercise (walking is number one), lose weight (or maintain a healthy weight), eat a healthy diet (cut out processed food etc.). Most everything is available but people don’t choose it.
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I liked a presentation about aging that mentioned “health span”. The goal of having more quality healthy years as opposed to just living longer. I could see an example of GLP-1 drugs enabling overweight people to start doing the exercise that will help them age well.
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From age 59 to 65, I worked in skilled care and rehab for a company that owned a number of facilities in 5 states and having started in my state. The last couple of years I strictly did nursing admission assessments on incoming rehab patients. So, I heard a lot of stories, saw a lot of medical situations on mostly aged, saw situations that put individuals in higher risk for accidents and co-morbidity situations. Registered these in my head and am adjusting life moving forward. I just found out a few weeks ago that I am diabetic, and now am on Metformin 500 mg twice a day. My dad and his mom both were adult-onset diabetics at an age at least a decade younger than me; I had been teetering on pre-diabetic for some time, so it was coming. Fortunately, my appetite has adjusted down, and I believe my health is improving. MD will add a statin for me to bring my lipid levels down - and that is probably all the tweaking I need for a while.
The US doesn’t quite have as much regulated homeopathic care - the use of quality multivitamins and microdosed or individual workup and medical for someone to optimize their health. In addition to a pharmacy path, there is a path of OTC type medicines and more folk medicine that can be highly effective that is in other countries (like having a pharmacist that navigates you through homeopathic and OTC supplements) - Switzerland has this as do other countries. Probably quite a bit here in the US, but the OTC type stuff here, IDK how much one can trust who bottles things has the quality of product claimed since it is not regulated to my knowledge. I have a friend who is a MD who reads up a lot about things in these areas and rely on her. I had given up coffee and caffeine for some years, and now she tells me a little caffeine and coffee are good for my fatty liver disease (that caused by an estrogen blocking medication I needed for 10 years after cancer). I am happy with my coffee intake again.
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Best device to help elderly put on their own socks?
No personal experience, but this seems to get decent reviews (and is an Amazon choice) :
https://www.amazon.com/RMS-Deluxe-Sock-Foam-Handles/dp/B00U9TWCXU/
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Thanks - That’s the one I was thinking about trying for dad, if no other input. He had a goal for more independence by Labor Day, to ease the wife’s workload. Don’t think he’ll get to being able to transfer on his own. But his sock goal, maybe.
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