I’m so sorry you guys are going through all of this. That’s so hard. Hang in there. Take it one day at a time.
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Oh no oh no. SO much too much. Our collective hopes for best outcomes. Don’t forget to eat.
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So much going on with your H and dad. It’s a lot for you to deal with. Give yourself some grace and please know there are many of us thinking of you.
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In a way it’s nice your father can afford so many various helpers. But… it does give you a lot of balls in the air to juggle remotely. Your dedication is admirable. Your friends here know it takes a toll on you, even if he might not be able to appreciate all of your efforts.
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I was glad to read that last week your father turned a corner. I hope the next week brought continued improvement.
Dad is doing better overall, but yesterday his potassium level was dangerously high (6.6). It’s so hard getting a blood draw from his veins that they’re not sure if it was a faulty result. They did start treating him to lower the level.
We were upset with this rehab facility when they sent Dad back to the hospital for a procedure without notifying us. Sis complained. Then last night, a caregiver told us a nurse mentioned that Dad would be discharged soon. What?? We haven’t gotten a single call about it. So Sis and I got on the phone with the facility’s liaison. She said she’d contacted their CEO about the first notification incident, and she would call him again. She said she will ask someone to call Sis (MPOA) to discuss Dad’s case.
As usual, each individual we talk to is “nice” but the system continues to fail. 
I think releasing Dad right now would be a disaster, but what do I know, I’m just “family.” 
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Thank you 
He is continuing to improve. Cognitively he is significantly better than he was a month ago.
Physically he is improving, albeit more slowly at this point. The PT is working with him on stamina - requiring him to walk two laps (with walker) around the house a couple of times a day. Continuing to work on the steps in and out of the house, as well as transitioning in and out of the car.
We are starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel as far as requiring 24/7 help in the house. He is generally sleeping through the night (yay, Trazadone!) and can take himself to the commode. I’m not sure I see a future where my mother is ever going to be able to get him out of the house, in the car on her own, but between my brother, me and a few hours a week of paid help, I think that would be manageable. We plan to transition away from overnight help in the next couple of weeks. Unfortunately, the current aide, who we all really like, only does live-in assignments, so we would lose him.
I really can’t believe we are at this point, after all that has transpired since last January. I’m enjoying the peace until the next curveball life throws our way.
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The latest is that Dad will be discharged on Wednesday. We’ll see how it goes - I have my doubts.
I told DH his PET scan has been scheduled for November 3. He looked puzzled and said, “PET scan? What’s that?” When I told him a test for Alzheimer’s, he started laughing. “Well, there’s the evidence, staring me in the face!” 
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Not directly related to anything here — I have an 80 year old relative who needs help as her husband is likely in his last month.
She only wants to pay help for 45 minutes at a time, on short notice. She’s not willing to commit to 4 hours time slots.
There seems to be a disconnection from reality. It’s frustrating to watch. (I’m six hours away).
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Sigh - I’m well familiar with that kind of disconnect from reality. 2000 miles away. Currently sending Venmo $20 payments to an aid who is doing 2 hr shifts, parents not seeming to understand the rate is higher if you don’t do 4 hr shift.
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I’m surprised they can get ANY help with the terms they want. Around here, help is hard to come by and if you’re very picky about your terms, even more difficult.
Most people around our area require a minimum of 2 hours and many require a minimum of 4 hours and require substantial advance scheduling. They also cost a lot more, especially if you have few hours.
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I feel like there could be possible advantage for elderly people living in independent living senior apartments, if help could easily go from unit to unit for shorter shifts. But when living at home, aid travel time is a big factor. For my parents, probably too late to go that route. Something though for my older self to consider.
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True—when my folks initially only needed someone to help with meds and make sure they headed to breakfast and again at night to help settle them after they had dinner, we could hire for shorter time increments because the assistants went from independent unit to independent unit and didn’t have a huge commute or travel burden. This was an advantage of them living in a ccrc.
The assistants weren’t GREAT, but they mostly were adequate. They were supposed to coax and assist the folks in showering but didn’t persist when the folks were balky, as they often were. They also weren’t great about making sure the hearing aids got turned on and put on mom & dad. Oh well, they gave us SOME peace of mind and we’re better than us running over every morning & evening, so we could just drop in when it worked for our schedules.
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My aunt and I are on the phone, shaking our heads about mom. Mom is 95 and lives in IL. While she is on 24 hours supplemental oxygen and has congestive heart failure, she is able to take care of herself. She has definitely slowed down since being on the oxygen the last year, and barely cooks anymore, but overall, is doing ok.
Last weekend when both my aunt and I spoke to her late morning, she was complaining how she couldn’t move, was a bit unsteady, shortness of breath and couldn’t possibly go out to dinner as planned with my aunt and uncle. Mom is a complainer, and pretty negative person, but that is nothing new! A few hours later, when my aunt tried to call her to see if she could bring her some dinner, mom did not answer. After a few tries, my aunt said she would give her another 30 minutes, and if she didn’t answer, she was going to check on her.
I tried her cell phone, but she didn’t answer that either. That is not unusually, as she can’t hear it when in her purse, or it is turned off at times. 10 minutes later mom calls me back; she is downstairs for bingo, and then on to the dining room for dinner! The woman that just a couple of hours earlier made it sound like she needed to go to the ER, made a quick recovery! 
While happy she went down with her friends, we are beginning to think mom puts on an act with my aunt and I, and is fine with her friends.
Again today she is MIA after saying she could not possibly go downstairs for dinner. I am not worried, but my aunt is a basket case wondering if mom is on the floor. I can see mom’s landline calls on an app, as I set up the Xfinity line. While I can not see a call until she has been off that call for a minute or 2, it does give me an idea when she last spoke to someone. Today she had called her good friend just a few minutes before my aunt called, which I assume was her telling friend she was coming down. This friend guilts mom into joining often, and mom has a great time when she is with the other ladies, but would be just as happy sitting alone in her apartment.
I put this under if you don’t laugh you will cry.
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Dad has passed his swallowing test and graduated to pureed food. He’s drinking water with no problem, too. Yay! Everyone says he looks great (same as always after a crisis is over).
We spent the weekend with a couple who were in a horrible car crash about five years ago, before we knew them. The husband has a TBI that makes it hard for him to remember things. When I told him about DH, the man kindly shared his own struggles, which really are similar to what DH is going through. DH said it was actually comforting to know this friend understands what it’s like for him. The couple also helped “facilitate” the conversation when I gently told DH I thought it was time for him to stop accepting most projects (with perhaps the exception of simple inspections). I knew DH would take it better with this couple present, and he did. I think he’s starting to accept the situation. His current professional liability insurance goes through February, and I don’t think we’ll renew the policy, except to pay for two years of protection for previous projects (necessary for a structural engineer). I’ll stick to detailing work because I enjoy it more, anyway.
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That’s a pretty good outcome! I am glad you updated us!
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Fingers crossed your H is able to find things to interest him @MaineLonghorn, while staying happy and productive in ways that matter to him. Sometimes people have a challenge figuring out what comes after working full-time, especially if they hadn’t yet planned to stop working
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Yes, he does well when he has a project, so I’ll have to keep him busy! Getting the house cleaned out and ready to put on the market will be good for a little while, at least.
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My mom has been having lots of anxiety, distress, and disorientation since her fall and we’ve been navigating that. Well, hats off to my sibling for our first “win” in ages – Preferred found a phone that only has 9 big buttons, meant for photos but he just put our names in 3 of them, deprogrammed the 911 button/the rest and the other 6 he put black paper in so the three actionable ones are VERY prominent.
Wouldn’t you know, she calls us a few times every day. To see why we aren’t there yet. (Because it’s 9:00 at night, momma) To tell Local that she took a shower. To ask me to order her something. Yes, it has the potential to become annoying. Yes, she is still totally unable to know time/day/month. But her weeping and anxiety are SO much better since she can just punch a button and reach us reliably. (Her old phone was also very simple, but not simple enough). Even having a cord is better; she can’t drop it.
Gonna celebrate the small wins. Local finally bought her scissors (she was fixated) and the next day she had cut holes in her pants so we took them away again. Onward we go.
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Oy! So glad about the phone though. It’s a novelty now; maybe once she’s convinced you and sibs will answer, the anxiety calls will reduce. I hope so!
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