Yes, it did cheer dad a bit to hear. It really all depends on the patient tho.
Good news, HIom.
zeebamom – I hope all goes very well for your daughter’s surgery, and that your mom’s fracture responds well to the cement. Squeezed, indeed.
zeebamaom, OH NOES! never rains but pours .
Good news, HIMom
Dr visit was OK with Mom . News that maybe someone else can use:
Dixogen (digitalis for heart issues) easily gets toxic with too much in blood. Can get toxic levels from low potassium. Low potassium is easy to get when vomiting and flu are present. Dixogen toxicity can cause: nausea, and confusion (plus some other stuff!) so for a dementia patient might be a double whammy problem. Low potassium has its own set of problems as well.
So if your elder is on heart meds and gets the flu; ask or get their blood checked for toxicity and potassium levels. Mom’s potassium was checked in ER when they gave her fluids.
And yesterday I learned that the overt symptoms for UTI in the elderly are diminished. Not always the frequency, burning, any pain, etc. Sometimes, no symptoms. I said, except sometimes disorientation? And the NP said, yes. Maybe we mentioned that before.
Zeeba, really sorry you have so much whammy,
To go along with the potassium - a doctor told us that you should get magnesium with the potassium for better absorption. Once my mom got the magnesium too she improved tremendously.
Strengthening Troubled Sibling Bonds to Deal With an Aging Parent
The growing field of elder mediation is helping sisters and brothers overcome personal differences that can complicate end-of-life decision making.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/30/your-money/strengthening-troubled-sibling-bonds-to-deal-with-an-aging-parent.html
On that note, I just sent the “you will be the closest relative, in case” email to my brother, about my mother. He’s in S. Cal and she’ll be in Tucson, I’m on the east coast. I suspect he’s not going to like it. She moves next week and reports that when she brings up him visiting her, he deflects. My note was nice, used a little sales technique before sliding the POA and occasional visit part in. We’ll see.
I just added an outside caregiver for Mom. The AL place isn’t going to send someone with her to the Dr. plus there are so many little things I see when I am there that they just don’t pick up on. Like the housekeeper unplugs either her electric lap blanket or her electric recliner (serious shortage of outlets in her place) to vacuum and doesn’t put it back. Then Mom thinks her chair is broken and can’t figure out what is wrong. She doesn’t complain because then they will see it is her fault. Or she has had bathroom accidents, but the AL people don’t go in there, so they don’t see the pile of dirty underwear. They are supposed to do laundry, but only check less than once a week. On the other hand, when they DID have time, they hung up all her clothes last month and put things away.
It is annoying on the one hand to pay probably another $500 for less than an hour a day (extra when they have to go to the Dr. with her). On the other hand, I’ll be able to call and ask if Mom ate, or got her mail or whatever. I never know what she is doing anymore. Plus the AL place just raised their assistance help costs. So this is a pretty big hit. Mom’s income is no longer able to cover so we will dip into savings and I guess drop the price of realestate for sale. Anyone want a small town lawyer office for an investment?
esobay, I’m sorry. It’s so hard when you realize that our parents need another level of care, to say nothing about the additional financial worries. It does sound like it will greatly enhance your mom’s quality of life and health, and give you a great set of eyes and ears about what’s going on with her.
The senior caregiver landscape seems so logically and sequentially arranged – independent living, in home caregiver/assisted living, skilled nursing --but the parents often don’t fit so neatly into the matrix. I’m sorry you’re having to add this expensive extra layer, eso, but it does sound like she needs more individual attention than they can give her there.
I just wanted to throw another option out there: Board & Care, which is Assisted Living in another form. We moved Mom into a B&C in January because of cost ($3500 vs $6000+), but an unexpected benefit is the added individual attention, because they only have 4 or 5 residents to keep track of instead of dozens or hundreds.
LasMa, my dad’s wife (who died of dementia complications) was in a B&C (we called it foster care) and for her it was fantastic. She’d cycled through all three of the other AL places in town with much angst and had another cycle at her house with 24/7 home care. The best for her was the B&C. For Mom, when she moved in, she was so social that she actually thrived in the AL place. And still does to a certain extent. If we end up moving her closer to my bro’s I may push for a B&C kind of place, but in that plan, at least there will be family there for eyes on checkups. But i hate to think of moving her anywhere; it seems never to end well…
Has anyone successfully negotiated a lower rate on the entrance fee to a CCRC? I realize I should have tried to do this earlier in the process, as it’s now obvious that mom and dad like this place and have put a deposit down.
It just seems like such a large number should be negotiable.
surfcity … find out the vacancy rate and at least talk to the marketing person. They waived Mom’s entrance fee when I pointed out that there were a lot of vacancies. And scour the old newspapers for discounts, if they did it once, they can maybe do it again under the same criteria. The memory care unit had a big bonus discount for people moving “in the first month” for current residents. Bet I could still get that rate if I were willing to move Mom. that is if you are talking about the same “entrance fee” / start up or move in fee.
That is true about moving them, eso. It never goes well.
My mom finished her stint in the hospital on Sunday and moved to the rehab/nursing facility on the same campus as her apartment.
We were very worried while she was in the hospital - her pain, confusion, difficulty talking - kept us with her the entire time. Her first night in hospital she woke up and had to use the toilet. She fell, they had to X-ray her knee, and was moved into a room by the nurses’ station. The bed alarm kept her from further falls and no more solo nights.
She’s in a double room and had a roommate until today. The woman was horrible, so we were happy to see the back of her (TV on very loud, complaints about mom having visitors, etc.) There is PT, OT, and ST daily. The staff, like at her apartment, are lovely. The first couple of days were horrible for her, still some confusion (med-related, we think), and anger and fear over being there.
When I stopped in after work this evening she was eating dinner, spirits were good, and she was able to carry a conversation. She is taking to heart the instructions for moving around. Perhaps she is realizing how good she has it.
We are still a long way from her release, though. The time we’re spending with her is taking its toll. For this week, someone is going over first thing in the morning before work and then one or two of us will visit after work until she’s getting ready for bed (8:30-ish). We started the conversation tonight about when she wants us there and when she’d rather we stayed away (nap time is important). It will ease up some, but the evening and most of the weekend days will be with us til she goes home. We are all exhausted.
I seriously don’t know how people do this without siblings to share the load. My hat is off to you. It is giving me a lot of food for thought - thinking now how and where I might want to age, plus what we’d do if there were medical issues - its a lot to do while in crisis mode.
zeebamom-It is exhausting, especially the emotional stress of seeing all that confusion. Elder care does help all of us think ahead and it is a fine line to keep with crises vs. anchor things in service of future needs. The confusion is common with medical issues (especially UTIs which may be assymptomatic and hospitalization with the potential for ICU psychosis as well as reactions to new meds, new physical insults, etc.) Your mother’s improvement sounds promising. Over time, my non-demented, but highly reactive to meds, hospitalization and infection mother started to take longer to get back to her pre-incident baseline. A few days in rehab with this progress sounds very good. Hang in there!
Well, the marketing person at the CCRC offered to take a little bit off the entrance fee. She acknowledged that she had offered more money on our first visit (i.e. before we all got so excited to move in). It is a wonderful place and I don’t think they are hurting for occupants. In hindsight I should have done the negotiating early on, but I did not want to feel like I was buying a used car 
The hardest part of this (and all our) journey is the uncertainty. Will they stay healthy long and enjoy the new place? Will they get sick? how will the care be if they need AL or SNF? How long with the money last if the fee for service parent gets sick first? Etc etc.
zeebmom, it IS exhausting, both mentally and physically. TAKE care of yourself as well. Take care of each other since you have good siblings.
surfcity, it is scary, but if the place seems good, it was my experience that it was so much better than any alternatives that it was a blessing. Even if it only lasts a while, it is better. My mom did very well in the AL place despite resenting it and being angry about being there. Once that faded, she was actually very happy. (until just lately).
And in the just lately, Mom got back from the swallow test . dementia patients often can’t swallow for some reason. She can’t. She is now on liquid diet only.
Does anyone have a comment about life quality on liquid diet when there is no feeding tube? I will not allow the feeding tube. They might offer therapy to get her throat stronger, but not sure about how effective that is or how long it would last.
Bro is hoping therapy will work. We are both sad that we didn’t believe her when she said her food got stuck (It did NOT look like it, even for the nurse who sat with her for one meal) and we let her starve nearly to death before I shook it up. Waiting on Dr. to call me back (another joy of being far away). Bro can go see her Sunday, I could maybe go Monday, but don’t know what being there accomplishes.
Also, please tell me that calling hospice is not murder.
@esobay, calling hospice is definitely not murder! It’s a good thing. (((((HUGS!)))))
The uncertainty is always there. My 93yo mother in a nursing home needs a new wheelchair. Actually I’ve been complaining about her chair suiting her needs for awhile, but the nursing home finally saw the need to do something. Medicare/Medicaid will pay for a custom chair that takes 2 months to deliver after she’s assessed for it. Two months for someone my mother’s age could be an eternity. There’s no reason to think she won’t be alive in 2 months, but who knows. This obviously isn’t as critical as some of the things other people are dealing with on this forum, but it speaks to the stress of never knowing what may happen next.
At this point, I’m just hoping nothing happens to her during the weekend of my son’s wedding in Aug. I’ve certainly thought about that, especially given that I’m an only.
Hang in there everyone. You’re not alone.