Adding my hugs, Packer. But glad you are so satisfied with the care he received.
I’m so sorry for your loss Packer.
My condolences Packer, I’m glad you feel he was well cared for, that’s a biggie.
I am sorry Packer
Thanks to all!
Sorry for your loss Packer.
@dragonmom it is important to do legal documents before they are needed, especially when they are able to make decisions.
Packer, adding my condolences. What a blessing that you’re satisfied with the care he got, as you know, it often doesn’t go that way. You’ll continue to miss him, sometimes at odd times. Almost two years later, it still comes over me in a wave once in a while.
I’ve not been posting regularly because Mom is so stable – what a contrast to how Dad was! – but I’ve just caught up on my reading. There’s been a lot going on for a lot of you the last couple of months. Hugs to all who are going through tough times right now. All of you are doing the best you can with very difficult situations. I just wanted to remind you of one of the things I realized after Dad passed: You are there. Even if you’re geographically separated from your parent, you are involved. You’re making arrangements and decisions, you are talking to aides and health care professionals, you’re working with sometimes difficult siblings, you’re trying your very best to optimize their lives. And you’re not doing it perfectly, you’re making mistakes, you’re losing your temper, you’re neglecting other duties. And yet, at the end, what matters most – the only thing that matters, really – is that you’re there. Love is an action, and you are honoring your parents and showing them your love constantly, by what you do. Now go have a glass of wine, or a bowl of ice cream, whichever sounds better. You deserve it. 
Another reason I’ve been absent is that we took a 10-day cruise to Alaska for our 25th! I have to say, anyone who hasn’t seen Alaska should put it on the bucket list. It is simply stunning. But I saw this from @esobay :
And I cheered. As I said, Mom’s been stable for several years, but naturally a couple of weeks before we were to leave, she developed an ulcer on her leg from skin break during a fall a month earlier. Took her to the doc, who set her up with a home health nurse for wound care. But I was in a panic that she would end up in ICU two days before we were supposed to leave (we had gotten trip cancellation insurance, specifically for this possibility). But DH said we were NOT going to cancel; we both sorely needed some time away after the last 5 years of dealing with this. So I enlisted my brother who lives 100 miles away, to deal with any problems which might arise. He readily agreed; he worries about me.
And this was key to being able to relax and enjoy the cruise – I turned my phone off when we boarded the ship. I had given Mom’s aides my brother’s number in case of emergency; ONLY he had the shore to ship number. I knew he wouldn’t call unless it was really dire, and no one else knew how to reach me. It was blissful being off the grid for 10 days.
Of course, I returned to a problem, and a good example of the frustrations of being the “point” person. It’s like that old game of telephone, except that everyone talks to you, and only to you, and it’s up to you to convey messages, and to uncover inaccuracies, and try to get the pertinent information to everyone who needs it, usually second or third hand. I swear, I have lost whole months of my life, carrying messages back and forth, and untangling problems caused by the fact that person A won’t talk directly to person B, and vice versa, and both insist on going through me.
So while I was gone, the home health nurse decided that the wound wasn’t healing properly. HHN tells aide. Aide calls Mom’s driver. Driver takes Mom to doctor’s office, where supposedly the doctor says it’s fine. Driver tells aide it’s fine. Aide tells HHN it’s fine. HHN says, no it’s not fine. By this time, a week has gone by, and I’m back home, so aide calls me. I call doctor, and among other things, discover that no, the doctor HADN’T seen Mom last week; it was a nurse. So we have an appointment tomorrow to see the MD. I feel like I have to discuss with the doc, in person, so that I can carry the info back to the aide, who will hopefully convey it accurately to the HHN. The receptionist suggested that I ask for a written clinical summary to give to the aide, to give to the HHN, so she can see for herself why the doctor thinks it’s OK. Sigh.
LasMa - yay for you for getting away! I turn the big…mumble mumble…50 next summer and that is the trip I want to take. What cruise ship did you go on?
My mom has been on the rehab floor, we know she needs the valve replacement and she needs to get a TEE done. However she has congestive heart failure, bronchitis and now pneumonia. She’s now stuck in limbo land. The head nurse suggested at least getting the appointment as there is really not a moment to waste.
My sister and brother who live up there are both going away so I’m going up. I am still recovering myself but I feel more prepared to travel now.
I envy those of you who can get away for weeks at a time. I’m an only, so no sibling to deal with Mom while I’m away. We’ve taken vacations domestically, but taking a cruise or leaving the country concerns me. There have been very few times when I’ve been away for even a weekend that the nursing home hasn’t called about something. I don’t feel comfortable being so far away that it would be difficult to get back within 24 hours.
Eso, we were on Golden Princess. We left from San Francisco, with stops in Juneau, Skagway, Ketchikan, and Victoria BC. There was also a day that we cruised the fjords of Glacier National Park, which was just incredible.
Shellfell, I get it. I’m not sure we would have gone on a trip like that during my dad’s last two years. There were so many crises and emergencies with him. And having backup from my reliable brother was also crucial.
LasMa, thanks for the vote of confidence. It was not TOO hard a decision.
My brother was not so far away (400 miles) He didn’t even go see her (sort of annoying, but sort of understandable since he just tore off one whole side of his house). He is a contractor and is fixing his kitchen. He lives in a very old house and the foundation failed and the kitchen was about to drop off anyway. He lives in Idaho and winter is coming. He is trying to get it enclosed before the weather changes drastically. I was really glad I had both hospice and additional care givers in place. I just turned up the time on the care givers because now they are bringing Mom meals almost every time. And the hospice doctor could visit Mom and prescribe pain pills without making Mom go to a Dr. appointment.
I hear you on being the point person, though. The AL place called me, but with the time change and access to voice mail only when I had internet, then I didn’t get the message. Even though it had been plastered everywhere I thought that they should call my brother in case of emergency. It wasn’t until the care givers came in and found out she’d gone to the hospital that my brother heard.
My DH came back with bronchitis, bad for him because he has other issues which coughing makes much worse. So I didn’t even dash up there when I got home. Her first orthopedic appointment, I had the hospice RN go with her (I was still in Germany) r, in addition to the care giver. Mom was very afraid and kept telling them not to touch her because it hurt. I am glad the care giver was there as a calming influence. I hate Mom to be scared like that. Having the nurse there got me a MUCH better report from the Dr… she looked at the ER xrays and the new Xrays, Mom’s bone was realigned so no need for surgery. yay. And a followup on Oct. 1, so that is my new target for going with her. I think it will be OK and allow me to do my Dr, Dentist, town hall and committee meetings. I can feel sad for her and squash down the guilt. I also got a message while gone (thanks to forwarding cell phones to Google voice, I get all messages when I have internet, it is a wonderful thing!) the message was that someone was using Mom’s identity to apply for a credit card. GAHHH. It was Discover, I found them really really helpful when canceling and cleaning up Mom’s issues 3 years ago. Same this time with the false application. Nice customer service. I don’t need another credit card, but I am recommending my COLLEGE grad student kids choose them.
@packer, I am sorry for your loss. I also think overall Mom has gotten very good care for the three years she has been there.
So do any of you have tales from the front lines about AL and living after a broken arm in an elderly person? Her bones are not too bad for her age, she started the calcium when she broke her hip more than 10 years ago. I am not sure she will be able to figure out that she can move her arm again when the splint comes off. She would forget and try to use it and get a lot of pain. Hospice offers PT which they might consider after another month or two.
Also I am not authorizing her flu shot this year.
Oh eso, you can’t catch a break!! So sorry.
Sorry, I meant @eyemamom when i gave the itinerary.
I have no broken bones advice. My mom has broken her ribs several times but has learned what works best for their healing.
I’ve popped on to ask about lift chairs. We’re moving my Mom to my Sisters house (building a small apartment in her bi-level ground floor) next month and she’ll only take a few pieces of furniture. We’re ditching her current recliner and planning to get a lift chair. This is the one we’re thinking of: http://www.pridemobility.com/liftchairs/liftchairs.asp?Line=Infinity&Model=LC-525PW My sister has an estimate on one that has heat and massage too and cost @$1700. Since my Mom spends 90% of her days in her recliner now, we thought we’d get her a good one. Neither of us have experience with these chairs, but I think we’re both envious. Any downsides?
My MIL loves, loves her lift chair. She was reluctant to get one at first, but then she was told that insurance covered some/most of the cost. I would suggest that you check into insurance coverage for the lift chair.
The only downside is that the user is not forced to use their leg muscles to get up, which results in further loss of strength in those muscles.
We had a lift chair (can’t remember the brand) for my dad when he came home after his stroke. It was a godsend for my mom, his primary caregiver. She had to use a lift device to transport him, and being able to bring the machine close, then raise the chair to allow him to transfer to the lift, made life much easier. I don’t remember ours being that expensive, but it didn’t have the heat/massage functions. I think we actually got it from a furniture store, not a mobility place. That way she could choose the fabric ( 
…small things that made the experience of caring for someone longterm more bearable. Now that dad’s gone, mom is enjoying the lift chair!
This was our concern, and ultimately why we didn’t get one for my dad. We figured that the lift chair would be great for him in his living room, but he’d quickly become incapable of getting out of any other chair, such as the dining room chairs 3 times a day, or maybe even the toilet.
My husband and SIL considered getting
one for MIL, but she was impatient and kept trying to beat the chair both getting up and sitting down. They finally thought that it might make matters worse. MIL and FIL now have matching power recliners which they love.
No advice on lift chairs. Mom has the power recliner which worked great up to the point when she started mixing up the recliner position control with the remote control for the TV and couldn’t get the chair down. So the care givers would pop her into the recliner and put her feet up (swelling) and she’d be trapped. I saw her out of the chair with it fully reclined once. She was agile enough to get out of it somehow. (before arm broken).
The clusterf*** continues. I called Mom’s aide to remind her to have Mom ready for the doctor appt this afternoon . Aide says the appt has been cancelled, and that the HHN called the doctor on Monday, without telling aide, to request a referral to a wound care clinic. I call the doctor’s office; receptionist confirms this. Receptionist transfers me to Referrals department, who confirms they have the referral but haven’t gotten around to working it yet. Nice lady pulls it out of the stack and forwards it to doctor’s office for approval (not sure why the doc needs to approve it, since she’s the one who sent it in the first place, but whatever.) Clinic will supposedly call me by mid-afternoon to schedule an appointment.
But I’m 90% sure it will go this way: No one will call. Since Referrals refused to give me their direct number, at 3:00 I will have to call the doctor and ask to be transferred to Referrals. Referrals will then turn around and call the doc to find out what the holdup is. If I’m really lucky, by the end of the day we may have an appt. Almost no chance she’ll actually be seen before Monday.
This is the kind of stuff that ages me. I’m debating whether to go into Bull Dog Beast mode. It’s worked before. But why can’t people just be efficient?