Esobay, so sorry about your SIL. It is going to be a long road for your nephew, I’m sure he will be grateful for any kindness you can show to him and his family. Hope your husband feels better. If he should develop back or groin pain, he may have a kidney stone. Hope it clears up quickly. Sending hugs.
So sorry about your SIL. I feel badly for your nephew. I was a 40 yo only child with 5 and 8yo boys when I had to find AL for my mother, the beginning of my now 20 year saga with her. Referring to the sandwich generation, I used to say I felt like a soggy, squished PB&J. I hope your nephew has a good support system.
I keep chewable cranberry around for myself, and also take cranberry capsules every day, in addition to probiotics (one specifically for us girls, if you know what I mean, and it seems to work great). I tend towards UTIs and just start drinking a lot of water and drink a lot of cranberry juice.
There have been studies that show that cranberry seems to directly impact the bladder and keep bacteria from collecting on the bladder walls:
https://nccih.nih.gov/health/cranberry
(National Institutes of Health)
Confusion is a difficult thing, but there can be some attempts to educate the elderly about them being able to detect their own confusion. It is difficult, but if dementia is mild or less, it is possible to get buy-in to say “hey, I forgot the name of my favorite show today” or “I had some trouble tying my shoes today” etc., especially if treatment has been successful in the past.
Clostridium difficile is nasty, it’s important not to ignore any (TMI) watery diarrhea, even if it isn’t C. diff, one has to consider possible dehydration (which can lead to great pain as well as confusion, let alone worse things).
RH, is that the link you meant? It says “There is some evidence that cranberry can help to prevent urinary tract infections; however, the evidence is not definitive, and more research is needed. Cranberry has not been shown to be effective as a treatment for an existing urinary tract infection.” And there is no mention of the bladder.
Sorry, I ask because there is other opinion that questions.
So sorry for everyone’s losses and challenges. Sandwich generation is so challenging.
There are many causes of UTI’s in older adults. And it can have such challenging effects in the elderly. Getting old is not for the faint of heart.
From the NIH link I posted:
"What the Science Says
There is some evidence that cranberry can help to prevent urinary tract infections; however, the evidence is not definitive, and more research is needed. Cranberry has not been shown to be effective as a treatment for an existing urinary tract infection.
Research shows that components found in cranberry may prevent bacteria, such as E. coli, from clinging to the cells along the walls of the urinary tract and causing infection. There is also preliminary evidence that cranberry may reduce the ability of H. pylori bacteria to live in the stomach and cause ulcers.
Findings from a few laboratory studies suggest that cranberry may have antioxidant properties and may also be able to reduce dental plaque (a cause of gum disease).
NCCIH is funding studies of cranberry, primarily to better understand its effects on urinary tract infection. The Office of Dietary Supplements and other National Institutes of Health (NIH) agencies are also supporting cranberry research; for example, the National Institute on Aging is funding a laboratory study of potential anti-aging effects.
"
From medicinenet.com:
“Urinary tract: The organs of the body that produce, store, and discharge urine. These organs include the kidneys, ureters, bladder, and urethra.”
The bladder is part of the urinary tract.
It’s 100% up to anyone to take advice from the NIH, published studies, or a random person on the internet. I know I’ve had UTIs as well as yeast issues, and cranberry juice does seem to help me. I try to avoid taking antibiotics and antifungals as much as possible.
YMMV.
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Confusion is a difficult thing, but there can be some attempts to educate the elderly about them being able to detect their own confusion. It is difficult, but if dementia is mild or less, it is possible to get buy-in to say “hey, I forgot the name of my favorite show today” or “I had some trouble tying my shoes today” etc., especially if treatment has been successful in the past.
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This depends on the person. My dad would freely admit when he was confused. Mom, OTOH, will never ever admit it, and I think a lot of elderly are like that. The big problem with her is that she’s extremely good at covering. Unless you know her really well, or know the facts which she is stoutly denying, you’d absolutely think that she’s mentally all there and believe what she says. She’s fooled medical professionals.
I have tried many times to educate her about the problems she creates when she won’t acknowledge confusion or forgetfulness, to no avail. As far as relying on her mental faculties for anything – reporting symptoms to the doctor or remembering what the doctor tells her, proper perineal care, even reporting her own confusion – my brother came up with the “baby test.” If we wouldn’t expect a baby to do it, we can’t expect her to do it.
Plus in general, after a certain point, trying to educate them about anything is a fool’s errand. We’ve found it less frustrating for everyone just to come up with workarounds.
Question on Medigap insurance.
When my father passes away. my mother loses his retiree health insurance and will only have
medicare. I understand that there is a 60 day window at this point for her to purchase a medigap plan and I have started looking at them.
She is 80 and in good health. I am seeing premiums of $200-$300/month for Medigap, of course depending on the plan. At this point - she has no underlying health issues and her doctor appts are pretty minimal - annual dermatologist, primary care and retina mostly. She has not been hospitalized in decades. No question the cost of the Medigap policy would exceed benefits paid now. But - who knows about the future?
My understanding is that waiting to purchase Medigap at a later date would be more expensive and might not even be available.
What has your experience been - either for yourselves or for your parents? Have you purchased? If so, what letter plan? Worth it? Anyone skipping it?
Assuming you saw this, but throwing it on the table. https://www.medicare.gov/supplement-other-insurance/compare-medigap/compare-medigap.html
The state Elderly Affair folks may have a summary published online, for all plans in the state, with costs. (Mine does.)
I think my mother is on Plan F, through AARP/United, low deductible. More than paid for itself, through the heart attack and later bypass. I will be looking into it for myself, when the time comes.
My grandmother had a medicare advantage plan, less expensive, in AZ. Low monthly and even with her last set of hospitalizations, few out of pocket costs. That’s all I can say.
Medigap plans can be very helpful. Last I knew, the features of each plan were labeled by consistent letters for easy comparison.
Any elder, healthy or not, can require a stay post 3 day qualifying hospitalization stay in skilled nursing rehab to recover strength as muscles waste more quickly. Medicare covers 21 days. Medigap will pick up daily co-pay for days 22-100 IIRC, assuming the appropriate plan is chosen. Key expense drain can be multiple admissions to SNR post-incident, as recovery time tends to increase. Many states have Elder Services organizations that help family or elders navigate the Medigap options. Google by location. My parents Medigap policy traveled with them to a new state when they moved to be near me, even though insurer doesn’t sell policies here.
Not sure of impact of postponing purchase, though I lean in favor of having it consistently. An elder with a non- weight bearing injury, for example, never mind a new illness, can be relieved that their coverage is more extensive. Good luck.
The Dept of Health, Executive Office on Aging in all states should have someone in their office who can help provide you with UNBIASED info. That is their job and they do NOT sell any policies. That is the source I refer most folks to with questions about Medicare issues.
Thank you. I have been reading up - and so many choices. Maryland has a 76 page document comparing all options and plans - mind boggling. Just curious to see what others have done,
I have asked my mother to ask her friends what they have - and she refuses - like it was just too personal of a question.
@rockvillemom call and ask your mom’s friends yourself 
Is there a computer program where you enter specific info about your person and they list the best medigap options?
I believe mom’s Dr scared her about the consequences of not having the valve surgery. We told her we don’t even know if she’s a candidate or what the surgery or recovery will look like yet. She decided to do the cathertization this week and hear what the surgeon has to say. I have a call in to the social worker, we’re all getting a little concerned about how she’s qualified to stay on the rehab floor. She’s mobile, goes out for hours a day, her therapy benefits are exhausted and it seems her chief issue is generalized anxiety for which she refuses meds.
Is this her primary, or a specialist?
If the doctor has told her the consequences of not having the surgery, you also need to know the consequences of having the surgery, which unfortunately are unknowable. But in these frail elderly, there are just so many cases of the surgery fixing the problem, but sending the patient into a tailspin from which they never recover.
For those who are comparing medigap plans.
2013 my little 84 year old mother was blown over by the wind, extensive pelvic breaks, consistent almost with traumatic injury- couple days in highest level trauma center, then 7 weeks in accute rehab - 7 weeks with us here, non weight bearing until bones healed.
Lesson learned, she had medigap advantage plan, which we learned immeditaly from rehab facility- " bad" coverage.
Plan F- recommended by rehab as best medigap plan.
Worth the $297 ( I think) monthly cost. Excellent benefits.
I agree with southjerseychessmom. Advantage plans are good until something happens, and isn’t that why we have health insurance? People are lulled into getting them due to a simple co-pay for Dr. visits and inexpensive prescriptions. But, it was a nightmare when she was in rehab. I always err on the side of paying too much for health insurance. Peace of mind for me. My dad is ex military so I don’t have experience with health insurance for my parents.
Thank you. I have read that Plan F is the best option online also. I am seeing abiut $3800/year cost for non-smoking female. That was very helpful.
Why is that the best one? What does it offer that makes it the best? This is very helpful info.
Medicare Supplement Plan F is the most comprehensive plan out of the 10 available Medigap policies. The expansive coverage makes this a popular plan, though it is also the most expensive. Plan F leaves a beneficiary with no out-of-pocket expenses because it covers all remaining hospital and doctor costs after Original Medicare (Part A and/or Part B) has paid its portion.