Parents caring for the parent support thread (Part 1)

A valuable benefit to the Supplement Plan F is that there is a drastic reduction of paperwork. Bills are automatically sent on to the Plan F carrier. A single visit to the hospital can result in many individual billings from various doctors who treat, laboratories, doctors who read lab results, etc. Before my Dad had Plan F there was a constant stream of bills for small amounts from many different places. This was confusing and annoying. Now he gets summaries from Medicare and summaries from his Plan F carrier. He has easily saved the cost of the insurance most years but the peace of mind and stres reduction he has gained, although hard to quantify, is wonderful.

You may also want to look into a prescription drug plan if you haven’t already. Mom’s is IIRC about $26/mo.

Regarding Plan F, it is the most comprehensive, but also bear in mind, it covers Medicare approved items, so for example, it may cover an eye test for a glaucoma, but not the glasses she needs, not hearing aids, etc.

Got it.

I recognize available Medigap providers vary from state to state, but any feedback on insurers to avoid or to seek out?

rockvillemom, maybe this will help:
http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2014/10/best-medigap-plan-for-you/index.htm

Thank you so much! This is making more sense now.

MIL, 86, broke her hip today
Can anyone translate FILs message, probably no surgery to be done as she has some dementia and she does not want extraordinary measures
Doctor brought up Hospice, what would that look like? I don’t quite understand how they get through the next 6-8 weeks if she cannot be moved, how does she toilet?
Hospice is probably the right choice, but if any one has any input, I would love to be able to support FIL by better understanding all this

Oh no, somemom. So sorry.

@somemom, I would be most concerned, as you seem to be, about what the effects on your mother-in-law’s regular activities (moving around, toileting, sleeping, etc.) will be if the hip is not repaired. If she is going to be rendered immobile and unable to go to the bathroom on her own and be in pain without treatment, surgery might be the kindest option. And I don’t think of treatment that makes someone more comfortable to be an “extraordinary” measure.

@somemom, so sorry to hear about your MIL. They may use a catheter and a bedpan for toileting. Hospice should be able to order meds for pain and comfort. Is she able to answer what kind of treatments are ok with her? Did she have it written down anywhere so her H has some specific guidance?

Some mom, I’m so sorry.
I will say that my mother’s hip surgery wasn’t that bad. The week we didn’t know she had a broken hip was far worse - mom couldn’t get out of bed, had constant, varying levels of pain, was uncomfortable sitting, ended up in diapers, and got a horrible UTI.
Mom didn’t really understand what had happened, mostly due to the UTI, but did agree to the surgery. Recovery was about 3 weeks.
We had several discussions with the surgeon and anestheologist about the surgery and the risks. In the end, the benefits far outweighed the risks for her. The risks were related to her heart; the hip fracture wouldn’t actually have killed her, just made life fairly painful and she would be bed ridden.

MIL has a living will, no extraordinary measures & a DNR & all that, MIL has been disabled for over 30 years, in many ways she is done, especially since dementia is setting in, too. By the same token, she needs to be comfortable. MIL is already nearly bedbound, so we would mainly be concerned with her comfort.

Toileting would probably be diapers.

I’m sorry, somemom. I think talking with hospice will be really helpful for you. They’ll know what to do. Hugs.

All the best, somemom. It is so hard. Agree that hospice can help with the assessment of this. Additionally, does your H have permission to talk to the diagnosing Dr (presumably an ortho specialist)? It could be helpful to understand as much as possible about where the break is, any ways to increase the likelihood of it mending, how severe it is, etc. As you describe her history, current medical status and point of view about it, comfort measure options are well worth sorting out in the context of the ortho information.

so sorry somemom. Sounds like a rock and a hard place.

I am still waiting (going on 5 weeks) to see if my Mom’s broken arm is starting to heal. She insists it doesn’t hurt anymore, but she also tries to get out of the sling. If she is so far gone that she forgets it hurts, that still doesn’t mean that it DOESN’T hurt. I am waiting to see what the Dr. recommends on Thursday.

More info has come to light, thank goodness my DD is a doctor! She called the hospital and spoke MIL’s doctor and got the real story. MIL broke the top of her femur, MIL is not ambulatory so no surgery, no reason to put her through all that surgery and rehab when she cannot help with her own rehab and she is non-ambulatory anyway. DD is happy with the treatment. MIL went home last night, she is now on bedrest for 6-8 weeks while she heals.

We are not sure where the whole hospice thing came up, DD thinks the medical team was evaluating her for hospice, but she did not qualify. FIL jumped all over it, honestly I just think after 30 + years caring for a fully disabled person who now has dementia, we think he was relieved to hear the end might be in sight. I know that sounds horrid, but it is the brutal truth!

Moderator?

I think everyone on this thread gets it, @somemom. I can’t even imagine 30 years of caregiving. Glad to hear your D was able to get the straight scoop.

I get it. My FIL was so tired of caregiving and was truly re-energized when MIL was in the hospital and eventually died. Her final hospitalization was for a femur fracture they decided to repair.

Just having my mom on the rehab floor is a big help to my family.

Mom has waffled on the surgery and did a catheterization yesterday. She needs a tavr and mitral valve clipping. She’s going to NY to cornell to see a cardiologist there. They’re switching to this place as they are the leaders of this procedure. Mom agreed to hear what they have to say before deciding.

I want to come up with a few questions in writing.