So sorry for what your family is going through, eyemamom. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
eyemamom, I’m thinking of you and your mom. Hugs.
another hug, eyemamom. it isn’t easy. Hoping for the best for your family.
somemom, your attitude for FIL is a good one.
More hugs, eyemamom. Sending good thoughts for the night.
So sorry to hear eyemamom. Hugs to you and your family.
Ugh…the computer ate my post. When they brought her back to icu they did compressions on her for 45 minutes. She never lost oxygen and her rates never went down. The worst part is that when I walked in she was awake and I could see she was freaking out. They don’t want to give her anything to suppress her heart rate. She has osteoporosis and laying on her back is very painful. I grabbed the pillows she brought and we got her more comfortable. My other sister and I went to the hotel and they texted that after they got her settled and they asked if she was more comfortable she nodded her head. They gave her pain meds and they said she was resting and calm. My sister stayed until 2 when she knew she was resting and stable and me and my other sister will go back at 9. They ask for us to wait for the shift change.
eyemamon, so sorry this has been so hard on her. As mentioned above, she’ll probably remember none of it, which is a great blessing.
somemom, your FIL is a real pill! Looking out for the family by making sure you have enough information about who in the AL to sue when they let him die! Oh, my.
Is there a new health care rule about asking the elderly whether they want to be resuscitated at each admission? FIL was admitted to the hospital 3 weeks ago, the SNF 2 weeks ago, and back to the hospital last night. (Medicare won’t be happy about that quick readmission.) Each time, we were specifically and pointedly asked what we wanted them to do if he became or was found non-responsive. The first 2 times he was present and alert enough to answer for himself that he wanted full resuscitation. Of course, he also wants his car keys back. Last night the doctor asked DH, who gave him the same answer. But it seems like their must be some new checklist or requirement that they ask this question separately and directly, even if they have a copy of the advance directive.
I’m using my WebMD medical degree to read his blood test results on line. His heart does not seem to be holding out well.
momofjandl- Was his response consistent with other directives he has in place? Sounds likely, as your DH concurred. I would be concerned if someone in the “gray” area of competency answered yes in the moment, when previous statements and paperwork indicate that they had decided no or vice versa. Does the verbal response alone dictate what would happen, even if it contradicts written legal docs? What if competent patient has indeed changed their mind, but not their paperwork at the time of the incident. Full resuscitation is a big decision either way and I can see how complicated this can get for patients, families and care providers as an acute issue evolves.
Competency is definitely a grey area with him, but his response was consistent with his understanding of his condition. Which is that if we gave him his clothes and car keys he could and would walk out right now and go home where he belongs. In reality, he is a very sick man.
His directive states that if he has both irreversible loss of mental capacity AND either a) loss of ability to feed himself that is expected to be permanent or b) an incurable disease that is likely to cause his death within a relatively short time, then no life sustaining treatment should be given. So it’s a pretty high bar. I had to read it through a few times to realize how high. He would never agree to a DNR, because he does not believe there is any medical emergency he can’t recover from.
MomofJandL- as if we would sue! We would have a party 
Thanks goodness for D. She was able to charm my folks into allowing 90% of everything to be tossed into the trash in preparation for the 2 new fridges tomorrow. Yippee! It went much better than we had dreaded.
MomofJandL- yes, it would be standard procedure to ask an elderly man of poor health DNR directives if the decision is is inconsistent with good medical practice. You must respect the wishes of the patient, but they know that life saving procedures will only increase cost, pain, and suffering. So yes, in a situation like your FIL, it would be asked frequently.
Eyeamom- Hang in there. We are thinking about you and your family!
Himom - Any opportunity to throw away stuff is such a blessing! Yay for D. I have non of that charm and admire those that do,
The hospitals here ask everyone on admittance if they have advance directives. If you do, they like a copy of it, but having one isn’t required. H and I need to get our acts together and fill them out.
My mom woke up yesterday, so weak she couldn’t even roll over. She was brought to the ER, turns out she has weakness on her left side-- she had a small stroke. But she is still mentally alert, and AFAIK she still has her vision.
So now she will go to to get some physical therapy.
Anyone have experience with this situation? What should we look for in the therapy? Improvement, or is this just to teach her to deal with the new reality? Should we think about hiring an aide for her? She has been living more-or-less independently in an apartment at her continuing care place. If she had an aide, would she be able to stay there?
Therapy helps prevent contractions. 6 months to one year you will know the full extent of recovery.
I agree about the six months to one year time line for determining recovery. There could well be improvements within that time. And I certainly hope your mom does improve. Thinking of you.
Thanks, rockymtnhigh and rosered. Six months to a year is a long time when thinking of a 91-year-old.
Six months IS a long time. My father had two or three TIAs and then a massive stroke. Unfortunately, he did not survive the last one. In his case, it was dramatically clear within a few weeks that he was getting worse, not better. In previous illnesses during the final several years of my dad’s life, his recovery was slow but perceptible, if we looked at things from week to week instead of day to day (or hour to hour).
So Mom is going to get physical therapy, but now we need to decide where and how much.
There is one good place, but it would be giving her 5-6 hours of therapy a day, which we think would be too much and exhausting.
She could go back to her continuing care place, to the “wellness center” (the section for people who need more care) and get 2 hours of therapy a day. She would be happier there, but we’re not positive that the therapy would be optimal.
How do we find the best therapist for her? Is it possible to hire someone to come in and do therapy? My sister could drive her to therapy, but right now she can’t even walk, so that doesn’t sound like the best solution.
Thanks, my friends, for all your advice and good wishes.
Five to six hours does seem like a lot. Do you know what it would consist of? It might be possible to get someone to come to your mother to do the therapy. I think that sounds like a good idea, if it’s possible and not too expensive.