We used a local Visiting Angels franchise. We used them for 3 years,with service/hours increasing as dad deteriorated. We had a few that didn’t work out, but we also latched onto 2 who were phenomenal. The one who was with him the last 9 months of his life was truly an angel.
If you call first to get price quotes, you may get a better deal on the final arrangements. I was making calls when Dad went onto Hospice and was told $800 for the cheapest cremation, but I made no arrangements, I was seeking info. He died that night and the next day, the bill at the funeral home was $2400. I mentioned the call and got the “phone special.”
MIL has a pressure sore on her bad heel and that calf, it is very difficult, she had a serious stroke, and also shattered that ankle, so it is contracted and has poor circulation. There is not much they can do in terms of avoiding pressure, if they move the pillow, she gets a new sore in the new place or she moves around and it shifts 
FIL died yesterday. We were unable to prepay due to lack of time. Flew in late last night and will meet with the funeral home today. All the above were good ideas we thought of too late. Note to self, get a joint account with kids to at least cover expenses .
Sending a hug, RMH.
So sorry for your loss, rmh.
My condolences, rmh.
Sorry for you loss, rmh.
Sorry for your family’s loss, RMH.
Condolences and strength to get through this being sent RMH. Hope for healing and smooth transitions.
RMH, I am so sorry for your loss.
@rockymtnhigh – so very sorry for your loss. Sending good thoughts for safe travels and comfort.
RMH, peace and comfort to you and yours.
Sending thoughts and prayers.
So sorry, RMH. Sending peaceful thoughts.
So sorry, RMH. It’s always tough losing a loved one. Take care of yourselves and keep good financial records.
We are doing ok . Thank you all for your support. Paid the cost with a separate credit card. H says he feells OK , we did the best we could for FIL. Picking up D at airport tonight. Stress is less.
I’m still having some trouble dealing with those last few days with mom in the hospital. I know I don’t get to control how people die but being up close and personal with it has been a lot to process for me. Not the actual end, but the events leading up to it. I’ve yet to sleep through the night.
After being with her in NY all week and the funeral the next week I went away for a few days. Mom had downsized into a 2 room, 500 Sq ft place in her facility. There wasn’t hardly a thing in her place. Everyone was very good about taking anything they wanted and her facility is taking some bigger items. My sister will die on the sword that she got stuck doing everything. She wouldn’t wait for me to help next week so I paid my niece to help on my behalf. My sister is such a control freak she had to do it her way and is insisting it’s been taking her a huge amount of time. I kept telling her I would hire people to help. She’d rather be the martyr one last dramatic time.
You have a lot to process, eyemamon, and so does your sister. She needs to be the martyr now, nothing you can do about it. Now that your mom is gone, where will she focus her energy? You will need time to heal you, sounds like work will keep you busy, not sure whether that’s good or not, but it least maybe it will diffuse your sister’s drama.
FIL is calling almost every day now saying he’s ready to go home but does not have his keys, and asking for someone to bring him his keys so that he can go home. In reality, he’ll be in rehab a few more weeks (I hope) and then transition to long term care. But even harder than being on oxygen and in a wheelchair is getting used to the reality that he is no longer able to come and go as he pleases. It’s hard on DH, who visits him several times a week, to keep telling him that he has to stay “a few more days.”
Rmh, I’m very sorry for your loss. I hope everything goes smoothly the next several days.
Eyemamom, I’m sorry your sister isn’t appreciating your efforts to help in the way that you can. I hope you can get some sleep soon. There’s nothing worse for keeping us in a bad place emotionally than lack of sleep.
@eyemamom, agree with Mom of JL that you are processing so much. And so is your sister. Is there any way possible for you to express sympathy to your sister while still doing what you need to do for you? Tricky place. Take time to pause rather than let yourself be caught “in the moment” of your sister’s anger/control/sadness. Pause, breath, count to 10 breath, etc. My brother is good at that, me, not so much.
MomofJandL … it is heartbreaking to just stare at someone and lie right to their faces. Three years and Mom is thinking she will go home “really soon”. The reply is “as soon as you are able” knowing that she won’t ever be able, but it isn’t a lie exactly.
The care people are getting annoyed with Mom because she is going out wandering the halls more (she is bored I think, but doesn’t know where she is). They are worried she’ll get outside and not be able to get back in. I get that. But I don’t want to move her to the lock-in place. All my carefully constructed excuses about how nice the apartment is and blah blah blah kind of fall apart when she is in Memory care with just a room. stress stress stress.
And as if that isn’t enough, Mom owns a building which was rented for a long time and which shares water with the building next door. Mom’s renter didn’t pay the water bill (or the rent, for which I got the judgement a year or so ago, fun court stuff) So the guy next door suddenly after 6 years wants Mom to pay the back water bill, threatened me with small claims court, and will not let my plumber have access to the basement to give me a bid for connecting a new water meter up . the building has been empty and losing money for a year and a half. Now that I have a chance to maybe sell or lease it, no water. But I won’t be blackmailed into paying this water bill. Why he thinks not allowing access to fix the problem isn’t clear to me! I need to take it to say it here thread, but I think the language i want to use is off the terms of service anyway.