@lookingforward, I’ve advised my ex-h (who is his parents’ caregiver) to discuss this issue with his dad. (His mom has late-stage Alzheimer’s and can’t discuss anything.) His dad says he wants to die at home (in his words, only be removed from the house feet first). I’ve said that one needs to move back from this ultimate desire and examine things that could interfere with fulfilling it. An obvious one is being taken to the hospital in an emergency. Now, this is not to say that they should not call 911 for anything. But they should carefully consider the ramifications of calling 911.Once that call is made, the patient and his or her family loses a lot of control.
I checked with my sister for shampoo. She uses No Rinse shampoo from Sally Beauty Supply on clients who are unable to get their hair wet.
One good thing about preparing a living will is that the person’s children or other caretakers will know the person’s wishes. This was very comforting to me when I had to make decisions during my dad’s final hospitalization–he knew what he wanted and it was in the living will. The first thing the attending physician who admitted him asked me was if he had one, and I got it from the lawyer the next day.
It may depend on which VAMC gives hearing aides to nonservice connected. Some do.
FIL when in the hospital, they asked H who was the POA for direction. Same situation with my mother who was hospitalized, they asked me as POA. Both in mid 90’s which is probably why they did.
This may be helpful for some on this thread as we approach doing our 2016 taxes…
I am definitely going to pick up some dry shampoo. We finally got him to shower and now it has been a week (or more) again that he hasn’t showered. This week we have a new problem. A year ago my dad’s wife of 30 years left him. The “friendly” market checker swooped in and moved into my Dad’s house with her 2 adult children. It was a disaster. The agreement was free rent in exchange for cooking and keeping an eye on him. That didn’t happen. They crashed his car and when his house sold we had to pay someone to haul out everything they left. We know they smoke pot and we are pretty sure they do other drugs (maybe heroin) as well. We haven’t heard a word from them since my Dad was hospitalized in early August. Then all of a sudden she shows up at my Dad’s assisted living on Monday and was acting all lovey-dovey and calling him her “sugar-daddy” etc… The staff found her in his bed kissing him (remember he hasn’t showered in over a week!!). The staff broke it up and called me and have instructions not to let her in again, and we texted her to tell her to stay away. Sometimes I think my life is a soap opera.
@tx5athome ^Ugh. I can’t even imagine…
Wow! Drama none of us needs!
I hope you have a lawyer involved in this situation.
@tx5athome , super stressful. fortunately he can be protected by the staff not letting her in. It brought back memories of Mom’s unhandyman (who stole money and many things from her) I was relieved that the staff backed us up for banning him.
I would also though, call Adult protective services and file a complaint against her. They might scare her by interviewing her so she has more incentive to stay away.
I did get my Mom back onto hospice after her hospital trip. Mostly I want them to protect her from those late night ambulance rides. I know the AL place is constrained by what they can and can’t do when someone is unresponsive. With hospice, they take over the responsibility. The other plus is that hospice will shower Mom and take care of more of her personal care and Medicare will pay for that. Medicare doesn’t pay for the AL place so when they took Mom off last time she had to go up a level ($300 a month) in care. I doubt they will drop her back down though since she is actually weaker than she was.
@tx5athome I would check with your state agency on aging/local resources to see what you can do to make sure this woman does not come back in any way or form. What a nightmare.
@tx5athome, is this woman out of your dad’s house and/or without access to any of his accounts? I’d call Adult Protective Services, too. Ick.Ick.Ick.
My Dad is in a locked Memory Care assisted living facility. His house was in escrow, and the “roommates” had moved out in August when he was initially hospitalized. He has $4 in his wallet, an expired ID and no credit cards, and no one except my sister and I are allowed to take him out. So I think he is pretty secure. I do like the idea of calling Protective Services. We have thought about calling her employer and giving them a heads up to what she is doing, but are afraid what her reaction might be.
Im not sure you’d have any right to call an employer. But see what APS says.
@tx5athome - hopefully, you can monitor all of his accounts and make sure there is no suspicious activity. This woman sounds desperate and she may have gathered financial info when they house shared. All the best- that is a daunting circumstance. Glad the staff was there.
I was looking on a web site to give the address for ‘clinical frailty scale’ and scoring frailty in people with dementia. I didn’t find the particular one page scale I had printed off this site, but Dalhousie U in Canada has Research on Geriatric Aging, and looking around this web site might be helpful to some of you:
@SOSConcern I think I found what you were looking for: http://geriatricresearch.medicine.dal.ca/pdf/Clinical%20Faily%20Scale.pdf. This was pretty much the first thing that came up when I googled “clinical frailty scale.” Of interest to us as my FIL was just moved into memory care. I’m thinking “#7, severely frail” fits his current status.
yes @1518mom that is it. It just wouldn’t come up for me on my quick search.
These stages have relatives/caretakers/staff keep in mind how the body frailty has that big added dimension when the thinking capabilities are compromised with dementia.
So my parents (72/78) just bought a new house on the spur of the moment at least 6 hours from all family. We all knew they’d been looking all over for their “true” retirement house but this one apparently was the unicorn that met both their wants.
They are mentally pretty sharp but physically declining. Especially my dad who can barely go from the couch to the table (he refuses to get treatment for back problems). Anyway, they really think they are going empty their current house, sell everything off and move. The house is lovely but such a move, IMHO, is either nearly impossible or will kill them. Yes, they will hire “movers” but not packers or stuff-sellers (I mentioned this to my mom) etc. I just cannot see it. I can see them ending up with both houses and never fully moving out.
Anyone have experience with this?
Oh dear @TempeMom - is their current home near anyone? Are they still within the 3 day window where they can back out? Does the new place have care that can come in and is it affordable for them?