All good ideas. My mother had her hair washed when they ‘trimmed’ her hair weekly at the beauty place on site.
Is there a barber or someone who could wash his hair weekly and maybe a clean shave?
For hair washing, there is this product which requires no water. It looks like a shower cap and is impregnated with shampoo and moisture to wash hair. No rinse. Not as good as a full hair wash, but better than nothing. https://www.amazon.com/No-Rinse-02001-Shampoo-Cap/dp/B000837CB4
This may not be the issue, but where I work, whether someone gets cleaned up depends on how the asking is done. Someone young and tentative may ask in a tentative manner, and the answer tends to be no. Battle ax that I am, I walk in the room, give a choice of now, or in half an hour, reassure that just a few minutes will get the job done, and have someone washed up in no time. Or sometimes far longer, depending on various complications in the process. Shower attachments are helpful. Walk in tubs are mandated at some facilities, but sometimes rarely used. Where I work it is used to store equipment, so you might ask if one is present, even if you’ve never seen it.
But good luck. Overcoming resistance to such things is not easy.
We struggled with the same thing with my FIL. Finally, they told him he wasn’t allowed in the dining room until he bathed. That ended up working.
I’ll look at what my sister uses on her elderly clients. It washes without water.
My mom has a very sensitive scalp and it doesn’t bother her.
Another rant…
I have a bad cold. Was not going to go up and visit Mom right at Thanksgiving anyway.
So get the call last night that Mom has had the flu and was unresponsive. They wanted to haul her to the hospital in the ambulance (2:30 am). I tried to talk them out of it, but I suspected she needed fluids. So they haul her off. The ER Doc calls at 5:30 and says they did an EKG, Blood tests, a CT scan of her brain and found … she was dehydrated and needed an IV and they were sending her home. Same thing happened last year and I am still fighting with the ambulance and medicare since medicare deemed the ambulance unnecessary since she didn’t check into the hospital. WHY WHY WHY do they run those tests when she has explicit instructions registered with the hospital and the state that only antibiotics are to be administered? Any other thing is not going to happen. Hospice lady was also encouraging me to change the antibiotics rule since a UTI untreated will possibly end this treadmill of misery. I couldn’t quite get on board with that, but WHY do they have to run the tests? She agrees with whatever anyone says so she gave permission. But since she is functioning about 6 years old, they should have called me first.
Lesson learned that I should have already known… I should have and COULD have called the ER doc and said she is on her way and DON"T do any tests except check for UTI and dehydration. AL nurse told me that today.
Happy Thanksgiving Mom.
Is she on hospice esobay?
I had her on hospice for about 9 months for this very reason, somemom. They can administer the IV at the AL place but the AL nurse can’t. But I got Mom some new vitamins and she had stopped falling (they are taking a LOT more precautions) and she started gaining weight so she was kicked off hospice about 3 months ago. I will go up (as soon as I am over this cold) and use the hospital trip as an excuse to try to get her back on it. Having hospice to call instead of the trips to the hospital is a huge peace of mind.
She also had a UTI, hospice recommended not treating the next one with the antibiotics, but she has the recorded order for sustaining life which said she wanted antibiotics and I really just couldnt say don’t give her any. Other treatments I would not have her do … CT scan? Really? what brain surgery do you think we will be doing? but the antibiotics feel like withholding food or water practically.
How frustrating eso, just when you think you have all the “ducks in a row” and plans are in place. The CT is really to rule out stuff as opposed to looking for something to treat. If she has a brain bleed, they don’t need to be looking for other causes. But, this is one reason medicine is so expensive. What I find frustrating, is that a DNR order can be waived at any time. My mom goes for her Moh’s surgery and they as her "if for any reason you require lifesaving resuscitation during this visit, would you like to waive your DNR order? Of course, mom will say yes to any question. Same thing with the ER, it can be waived at any time. Neither mom or dad remember that they have a DNR order so of course they will go along with anything that sounds life saving.
There’s a saying that “pneumonia is the old man’s friend.” Not so much these days, at least if antibiotics are given to treat the disease.
@rosered55, I belive that saying. My DH was pretty mad about it, though when I said it and said I admire my dad for not getting flu shots. And I didn’t think I would after 75 either. He took it personally, but having watch Grandma’s and Mom’s journey… yeah pneumonia isn’t scary to me.
Yes, it’s really hard to know how and when enough is enough. My dad has already said he wants ALL methods used to preserve his life. He’s over 90 and increasingly bored and grumpy and forgetful. My mom is unsure what she wants–she’s a pleaser. She has very little memory as well. She’s in her late 80s.
My mom also said she waned everything but really did not know what that meant at 92.
Understanding ramifications of a DNR order can be beyond the ken of some elderly folks even when they are alert, oriented and essentially functional. This last summer when my mom was hospitalized I ran into this conundrum. I arrived at the hospital from across the country, and one of the first things I heard from the RN was asking why she was a full code. I replied that she should be DNR, this has been discussed at length previously, and expressed amazement. But apparently on admission when the question was brought up, she had said full code. She was weak, not able to absorb much information, and was confusing treatment with code status as she did when I attempted to discuss the issue with her that day.
The family member in attendance before I got there accused me of not allowing her to make her own decisions. I could see that she did not have the bandwidth to understand this particular decision, despite being able to answer orientation questions. Luckily the physician was able to re ask the question that day in a way that helped the DNR order to be written and avoid family upset.
I have seen this distinction other times recently in elderly patients.
HI -I am new to this thread. Not actually taking care of my Mom -but moving closer to that than I ever have been.
My question is about hearing aids. Mom is starting to need one -but resisting because she has heard from her friends that they don’t really work the way you want them too.
One thing I noticed she did over Thanksgiving was that when she doesn’t hear -she mis -hears. She also seems to mis- hear something more sinister or angry than what was said. I can’t quite explain it -but I think her hearing loss is starting to make her jump to some wrong conclusions.
Thanks for any insight you may have and Condolences to @somemom
@veruca, is dementia a possibility? In her life, has she normally been a more trusting, optimistic person, or a more suspicious person? Dementia sometimes makes people more paranoid: they fill in the blanks with suspicion.
Maybe some really mild dementia. She recently (last month) was under general anesthesia and she hasn’t been quite the same since
General anesthesia can take a toll on your body and can push you down the road a bit in aging. When I went under I did not need reading glasses, I woke up unable to read the stack of books i had prepared for post-op. I really could not read the normal type books, most of that has improved though I still need reading glasses for low light. I think you may see some improvement, but could also presume the anesthesia has nudged her a bit in the progression of her aging.
Hearing aids in seniors, I have seen two seniors who really need their’s cleaned monthly, but are happy to understand what is being said. Usually you get a 90 day trial, why not suggest that she just give them a try? Maybe she would like them once she realised how much she had been missing?
I like the idea of a 90 day trial. Thanks
On showering - we got a recommendation to use a stall shower with two grab bars installed, and to buy a bath chair with arms like this:
https://www.walgreens.com/store/c/nova-bath-seat-with-arms-and-back-9026/ID=prod6095739-product
Both the arms and the back can be removed if necessary. The other tip was to get a handheld shower head with a hose.
Now, my dad doesn’t want to take a shower at all, so actually getting him to take one requires cajoling. He will have a procedure soon and that will be a reason to get him to take a shower. He actually heard that it is HEALTHY to NOT wash. Ugh.
Regarding a living will - if you want everything, you won’t get it, but if you want next-to-nothing, you’re golden.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/16/health/15chen.html?ref=health
I’d recommend not agonizing over it. If your loved one is conscious and lucid, they can decide what medical care they want. If not, if you have POA you can decide. Or, if they aren’t conscious and lucid, you can avoid visiting them.
And for hearing aids - my dad is going to try to get them through the VA because the place he got his hearing tested says the cheapest ones are $3,500 each. I don’t think hearing aids are in the regular VA benefits, only for veterans with service-connected disabilities and a few other things:
http://www.va.gov/opa/publications/benefits_book/benefits_chap01.asp
I had a conversation today with a knowledgeable ER nurse (we were discussing her 90+ year old father with dementia nd several medical issues, a couple of recent incidents of losing consciousness.) I mentioned esobay’s sort of issue with DNR and additional tests. She said once 911 is called and life saving procedures are started, the DNR and any ‘explicit instructions’ goes out the window. She said her advice to her own mother was, don’t call 911.