@SOSConcern don’t you just want to treat that petulance like a whiny tween and say Snap out of it! poor things, MIL, SIL and you 8-| is about all you can do but here is a hug to compensate {{SOSconcern}}
@tx5athome , nice story and nice to have anyone’s face light up when seeing you no matter what the reason or memory involved. Lots better there than home and lonely.
So happy for your dad @tx5athome It’s nice he can socialize in such a way.
@SOSConcern critical people of any age are so hard to deal with, but critical people who can’t do for themselves are so much more frustrating.
My mother got fixated on her blanket yesterday; she has one of those long, really silky furry ones that she is usually under on the sofa. Yesterday, I guess she couldn’t decide what to do with it; she would call E. to fold it at the end of the couch, then she’d unfold it and call E to fold it again. When I got home, it was spread out on the couch and she was on top of it, then it disappeared and she said she had folded it and put it in the closet. The next time, she was under it again. This morning, E told her she was NOT going to spend the day chasing that silly blanket again, and she said Mom never mentioned the blanket today. Some days…
FIL called at 8:30 last night concerned about his electric razor. H got him calmed down, but never really got a good story. He went over today and FIL didn’t remember calling nor did he think there was anything wrong with the razor. He couldn’t remember what he’d eaten for lunch so there is that.
MIL said he was up at 1:30 am getting his compression socks put on. I’d think the aides at the AL would tell him that it wasn’t quite time to get ready for “work” and urge him back into bed. I think wrong. She’s happy he is staying in the apartment and no longer wandering the halls. Small blessings.
@zeebamom urging a demented person back to bed is not easy and often the only way it can be managed is to “go along.” My dad would call me about something and only relaxed when I said I would come over and check it out. 2 hours later he had no idea he called me or what he had an issue with. Fortunately, there are no compression socks!
This issue has been discussed before, but the New Yorker has an alarming article on people and companies who gain legal guardianship over seniors through the courts. I assume they don’t attempt this for seniors who don’t have much in the way of assets. Another good reason to make sure that if you have care givers coming by the house to take care of your parents, you need to keep all financial records off site. And make sure you have a POA in place, which may or may not help you fight if one of these leeches tries to grab onto your parents. Outrageous.
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/10/09/how-the-elderly-lose-their-rights
Momof Jand L … it never hurts to have reminders of these evil weevils. AND IT NEVER ENDS!
I think I chronicled (whined and whined) about my Mom’s unhandy man who stole from her and was trying hard to get control of her farm and who I had to evict. The senior services put together an elder abuse case, but the sheriff decided not to prosecute. annnyway. … I think this joker found out that Mom had passed away (death notice in the paper, but obituary doesn’t go out til tomorrow, closer to the service) Why do I think that? Because the renter on the farm now had his gate lock and chain cut off and someone elses put on. Plus there were some guys hunting rabbits out there and when asked who said they could go there, they said “The owner, unHandy!” I am betting he will come up with some bogus will shortly. … and it has been five years since there was a peep out of him. He was banned from the AL place and once he found that out he never came to bother her again that I know of.
Part of the reason I went through the legal grief of guardianship is that if he did get access to her, he could get her to sign anything… like a fake will or a fake POA. As guardian, I had proof that she had no more right to sign anything than a child. He could have had her sign a POA for him, removing me from the POA for example.
esobay, I remember your struggles with this (person), and I am sorry that he is still at it. You worked so hard to take care of your mother, and he worked so hard to take advantage of her.
In reality, I expect that family members taking advantage of failing seniors greatly outnumber strangers taking advantage. We have some things in our family that we just have to live with knowing, because they can’t be undone. But an outsider trying to cheat your mother, even after her death, is such a low blow.
Sorry that slimeball has resurfaced @esobay . Hope damage control is not too time consuming or emotionally draining. What about getting the sheriff involved - still the same one?
I remember unhandy @esobay Hope what you suspect doesn’t happen.
@MomofJandL What a chilling article. As the person who recently made some very hard decisions about my parents, it was a difficult read. I am always second guessing myself and kept on seeing myself as the evil guardian. So glad I already have DPOAs in place for even myself.
I don’t yet have proof it was unhandy, but I can’t imagine who else would do it. Anyone with some legal standing would have communicated with me or the renter or at least left a notice!! I did call the sheriff to ask for extra patrols and told the renter to get some cameras up right away. He needs to protect his construction tools. It is a new sheriff, but I don’t know that it matters.
Her service is Oct 14 and I asked for a lot of extra patrols that day given that I have heard repeatedly about people reading obituaries and going to rob the grieving house.
@GTalum, I think it is the same feeling as being a parent, if you worry about being a bad parent… you probably aren’t! I heard that so many times, 25 years ago.
@MomofJandL - thank you for sharing. That article is profound; such an organized effort, under the cover of “the law.” I was ignorant that the scale of these scams could be so large, with limited legal safeguards.
@esobay. Sorry for your loss. The added layer of unhandy at such times is too much- good that you were pro-active once you learned of his invasion.
Has anyone used a security camera to remotely monitor one’s parent(s). Something like a baby monitor. I’m concerned about my mother’s safety, e.g. emergency situations, like risk of falling, particularly at night.
For those of you have done this. Any recommendations? Any issues to be aware of?
Thank you in advance
What to do with old National Geographic’s and encyclopedias?
@busyparent , recycle. If your parent objects, claim that you are taking them to a school/library and drive them straight to the recycling point. I volunteer at our local library and teach in an elementary school. Nobody wants them.
So I still have file boxes of old issues from the 80’s and 90’s to haul to the recycle bin myself, so I understand!
Thanks @dragonmom. My sis in law thinks hospital weighting rooms are going to want them. I work in a hospital and don’t think I have ever seen one there!
Well, I’d much rather read an old National Geographic magazine than a current People magazine!
My father had two outside cameras since he had a breakin (nothing stolen, just his hoard moved around LOL).
We had a camera installed inside his house. We probably would have put in a second inside camera if someone was moving in soon.
It was pointing at the base of the stairs so that when he was living alone, if he fell down the stairs we’d see him (hopefully his LifeAlert would have gone off too, but then I could look to see if it was the stairs). They were the only stairs in his house.
This state actually has a program to loan them out:
http://nj.gov/oag/newsreleases17/pr20170509a.html
As for libraries and so on not wanting magazines or books, it really depends on the library and the books. I teach at a college, and they do want old textbooks etc. because they do book drives to send books to countries with less resources than the US. Like my dad always said, calculus hasn’t changed much in 50 years…
I tossed all my mother’s old NG. DH’s rule of thumb: if the content can be obtained elsewhere, let your copy go. At one point, when my grandmother lived with us and we were all moving, I discovered she had two boxes of old Time magazines in our attic, dating way, way back. Fascinating, hated to part with them, but no value. (She was not a hoarder, no idea why she kept those, I hadn’t known abut them in her old house.)
I do agree about some text books going to needy countries, if you know of such a drive. Yes, especially math.
My general rule of thumb: If Goodwill doesn’t want them, recycle or trash. I’ve moved my parent’s twice and getting rid of stuff in whatever way you can is easier for both you and the parent.