Encyclopedias especially are not wanted by anyone, UNLESS you can find a crafter that will re-work them! Ask around…
I went home today to celebrate my parents’ birthdays – 80 for Mom last week and 82 for Dad next week. Dad’s dementia has been steadily worsening, but the shock this visit was Mom. Less than two weeks ago she told me that a NP had told her that blood work indicated a potential problem with her kidney function, likely related to her diabetes. She saw a specialist this week who ordered more tests and a scan next week. She said that he mentioned a possibility of dialysis at some point down the line. Then, today she hands me the paperwork from her visit (which she couldn’t read due to diabetic retinopathy) and I see that the diagnosis is Stage IV kidney failure.
WOW NerdMom88, {{{NM88}}} massive hugs, that is really scary…
It was weird that Mom’s kidney function was terrible for years, yet when she went into the AL place, with people reminding her to drink, it became normal again. Not saying that is the case for your mom, it just surpirsed me because I thought kidney failures were a one-way street.
@esobay , my mom used to be a huge water drinker, and it’s slowed down in the last 10 years or so. Her specialist told her to drink only what she felt like drinking, and not to force herself to drink more, because it would make her kidneys work even harder. That’s not what I expected to hear…
My dad doesn’t seem concerned at all. I don’t know if she’s concealed this from him, or if he just isn’t grasping the issue. Could be a bit of both.
@NerdMom88 My FIL stayed in stage 4 renal failure for 9-10 years. They even placed the equipment in his arm to get dialysis (“just in case”) even though he said he would never get it. He was right. He died at 89.
My husband came very close to dialysis; finally meeting with a renal nutritionist brought home to him that he could NOT eat and drink just what he wanted to, and he managed to turn his kidney failure around just enough. But yes, they limited his liquid intake pretty drastically.
Dehydration makes the GFR look worse. So drinking enough water for some hours before the blood test can make a difference in the stage sometimes.
Mom is really great about her eating, but she has been drinking a lot less. I’ll mention it to her.
How did the memorial service go @esobay and did the misdeeds (suspected unhandy) stop?
Thanks for the hugs and thoughts. MIL must have felt bad about her behavior (grand-dau visited after us, and she knew how grumpy grandma was) and sent me a belated BD check. H said I should cash, so I did and sent a nice thank you note.
@SOSConcern , thanks for asking! The service was really nice. Mom’s oldest friend (they went to elementary school together) organized the food with her church. (Mom’s is now too small to be able to do it and all of us coming from out of town made it hard) . I was super happy with the flowers. I was disappointed that one cousin didn’t come and one cousin didn’t come because she was really sick. She called and called.
Unhandy didn’t show, so maybe I borrowed trouble.
Hope you got something you really wanted with the check!
If anyone is a full-time caregiver and could use a respite care break, I highly recommend it. I’ve put it off forever, but finally did it so I could attend a weekend event that was really important to me.
Mom stayed in a nursing home for 6 days while I was gone. She was mad initially, but was fine when I picked her up. She adjusted and participated in activities, and enjoyed socializing with others her age.
I am so glad I tried this. I now feel a little less restricted, knowing that I can get a break when I really need one. Please do this for yourselves! Recharging your batteries is so important for your mental, emotional, and physical health.
Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others!
That is so true and don’t forget to try to give back to YOUR support staff, be it spouse or kids or whomever. They deserve you as much as a parent.
@psychmomma - happy for you and your mother. It’s easy to miss the perks a good elder community offers, especially the chance for built-in socialization with peers and staff. Many will eventually need or benefit from such an option, so good for both generations to see how it can work. Re-charging means a lot. Well said.
psychmomma, my mom and sister really benefited from her needed time in rehab. Rather than the dreaded “nursing home”, she was able to see it as a community where interesting people live and she would not mind a return brief visit. When she was briefly enrolled in hospice, the allowed respite care was one of the great offered benefits for both of them. All of last years’ turmoil has settled, and she is doing quite well at this point.
How does one broach the subject with loved ones about trying adult incontinence products? There are many “accidents” and so far my sibs have just done laundry frequently and as far as I’ve heard none have broached the subject so far. I’m sure it’s very sensitive and have no good ideas on how this can and should be handled.
@HImom , for a long time, until he couldn’t handle the job anymore, my dad was caretaker to my stepmother as she became incontinent, and he just bought Depends and had her wear them. They go on like underwear and aren’t too bulky.
Are they in the independent living place? It’s possible that there are social workers who may help in that setting. It’s also possible that the incontinent parent is aware of his or her issue and is too embarrassed to bring the matter up.
Good luck and (((((hugs)))))–I know it’s not easy.
My sibs don’t want to bring up the subject, just keep thinking if they don’t say anything it will magically improve somehow? I’m afraid they will lose the privilege of living in independent living if they don’t do something so they don’t have accidents and incontinence issues.
Just sent a link to an article about how to broach the subject to my sibs and asked them whether anyone has had the folks’ MD alerted about these issues, to see if there may be some physical cause for the increasing incontinence. So far, none of them have replied at all.
@HImom - I was going to suggest maybe having their physician talk to them about it (?).
Well, I have an appointment with the MD for my between physicals check on Friday and will speak with him about it. They also see him once or twice a year plus when they are ill. Sure wish sibs didn’t think being an ostrich would make problems magically improve or go away.
I don’t post here very often, but have been reading this thread since it started. We have had a crazy week with my 91-year-old dad, who is also my next-door neighbor. I won’t vent here, but we did decide that a weekly visit to a counselor for me as a caregiver is a good idea. For the first visit, my sister (who lives 11 hours away), my husband, and I attended. It was a good first step.