Nine Rights Every Patient Should Demand
We need a Financial Bill of Rights to protect consumers of health care from unfair charges.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/27/opinion/sunday/patients-rights-hospitals-health-care.html
@surfcity not exactly the same thing, but a few years ago DS1 badly wrenched his ankle, thought it might be broken, got ambulance to ER. First pass insurance didn’t cover it, we paid invoice while appealing, it got approved, and when I called the ambulance company’s billing department the CSR acted surprised that I was asking for the $700+/- back.
@surfcity I always question medical bills and hardly every pay it the first time. “Mistakes” are rampant in the medical billing world as everything is a different price depending on different agreements with different insurers.
I am heart broken. My dad “left” his care home a couple of days ago. One of the caregivers followed him. As she was trying to keep him safe and keep him from going onto a busy road, he hit her in the face and the stomach. She has a black eye and a concussion. I saw her today and asked if he should be in a locked memory care. She and the director tell me no as he “snapped” and they only saw similar behavior from him one other time 8 months ago. But once is too much. I’m not sure the care givers at memory care would be safer. But, I can’t allow him to hurt someone else if something can be done to prevent it.
@GTalum - this bill stuck out to me, because I am so familiar with their regular co pay amounts. Hospitalizations often have more costs but regular tests have a regular co pay on his plan.
But more importantly, I sympathize with you on your dad’s incident! Professional caregivers are wonderful at their job (most of them) I have encountered. I wonder what made him snap? I know here people often ask if an elder has a UTI as that can cause memory changes. What could be done to prevent this, without drugging him into submission?? I really feel for you.
I think what made him snap is unknown. He was back to his usual behavior once they got him back inside so I don’t think he had a UTI. I imagine he had a delusion or feeling he needed to urgently get something done. He refused lunch (unusual for him) and instead “took off.” We found Ativan could not drug him into submission and caused more work for the caregivers. I have asked, and filled out the papers for a geriatric psychiatrist to come out and evaluate him. This was in process before the incident.
The only change I see from him is even less recognition of who I am and lack of interest in my attempts to engage him. Fortunately, mom is responding well to my subsequent increased focus on her .
Oh, @GTalum, you have had such a difficult path. You are such an amazing daughter, and your compassion for your dad’s caretakers shines through. All I can offer is (((((hugs))))) and the hope that the geriatric psychiatrist can help.
@GTalum I am so sorry! My dad is in Memory Care, I got a call last week that he tried to punch the Activities Director in the face because she told him he would have to wait until after lunch to have his candy.
I am so sorry to read about these experiences with sudden violence. I have seen this with my uncle. Is this more common with Alzheimer’s than vascular dementia?
My mother has been telling her kids that she is fine with no alcohol but goes to meals and asks others if they want to help her cheat. Her friend told me this last night.
For anyone using an assisted living facility, just want to say that ours never informed us of how to access more services. They wrote up a new plan and I amended each item so that she is now having help getting dressed, escorted, showered etc. Showers are only twice a week though.
I found her night clothes and sheets to be soiled yesterday, and she did not have pull ups on, so this becomes another chore I guess, to get the AL staff to do what we are paying for.
I keep thinking that having her in an apartment would be easier, so appreciate all the cautions I got earlier in this thread. I am not jumping on it but it is under careful consideration. The AL is now almost $9k/month.
I don’t think the violence is more common with one type of dementia over the other. One of the caregivers tell me she sees it more with the men then with women. I suspect, at least in my parent’s case, with fewer chronic illness issue as with many with vascular, they are both stronger and could do damage.
That makes sense.
Wheelchairs Prohibited in the Last Place You’d Expect https://nyti.ms/2Kqtofi
I’m just popping in to say hello. This thread is very helpful, and I appreciate all the information I’ve learned as well as the openness with which you’ve all shared your journey with your parents.
I just spent a sleepless night after sitting all evening in the ER with my father after a fall. Thankfully nothing was broken and he was discharged. He lives alone (age 88) and the nurse picked up on the argument he and I were having about whether he could spend the night alone. Thankfully, she brought the doctor in to make the pronouncement that no, he could not stay alone for a few days. So he grudgingly allowed me to call my brother, who also lives locally, to stay the night with him.
Brother hemmed and hawed and didn’t want to do it but was trapped into agreeing. Long dynamic here, but basically brother - AKA Golden Child - has his head completely in the sand about my dad’s physical needs. He’s available to help, say, work on the house or cars, but does not want to see and is not emotionally equipped to see that Dad needs help with everyday life. And my brother is the only voice my dad really trusts, (and is the only one on Dad’s accounts, etc.) So I’m glad he had to spend the night. Maybe he will get an eyeful when/if he allows himself to see how difficult it is for Dad to dress, cook breakfast, etc.
Thankfully my dad has his mind. My heart goes out to those of you dealing with dementia. Unfortunately, my dad is very stubborn. His “plan” is to start feeling better. He refuses to discuss any plan B. I think he should be living in AL. My brother and sister (who lives several hours away) think he is fine at home “and we (meaning me) can just bring in caregivers if necessary.” I work full-time and I’m the one worrying about whether Dad has food, etc. He does still drive but probably shouldn’t. He has ZERO energy or strength.
Thanks for listening to my venting. You are all awesome.
Just found this thread. So nice that this here! I’ve been helping care for my parents for years but there have been major changes in our lives and we are moving out of state this month, and my parents have decided to be snow birds permanently. My mom has ALZ and was moved to a memory care facility and my dad is trying to adjust to living alone for the first time in over 55 years. Hard being far away but also a relief to know mom is being well cared for and with better supervision.
@calla1 This made me LOL. It’s SO TRUE of many seniors! And I am almost guilty of it too, in thinking about my parents - “oh, I’ll have more time when mom gets back to her old self” after being hospitalized. I finally realized that this is as good as it gets and I should just plan on things declining instead of waiting until they “get better.”
It is really difficult to tell what is a temporary issue (like acting crazy with a UTI) and what is the new normal. Senior already have such a frail grasp on their best normal that it takes very little to upset things so it’s reasonable to presume they might get back to normal and to not dramatically change everything; and yet, sometimes in hindsight, you realize things should have changed sooner.
Fil got the official referral from the neurologist to see a neurosurgeon late last Wednesday afternoon. Yesterday (Monday - so five days later) he physically went back to the neurologist’s office to ask when he might expect to hear from the neurosurgeon. This is is his M.O. when he feels he doesn’t receive communication quickly enough. He simply goes to the doctor’s office so they have to pay attention to/deal with him. Neurologist explained that they had no idea since they have turned him over to someone else who is at a different facility. They did give hm a number to call to inquire. He called and was told it might take six weeks. I have no idea if that means six weeks to be called for an appointment or six weeks to be *seen.” have no idea because they didn’t ask. He was told he’s “not on their list yet.” Also, no idea what that means either.
We are going to visit in a little over a week. We really need to see how his mobility is compared to three weeks ago. I hope dh is prepared to tell him if his attending graduation in June seems unworkable. I have no idea what is going to happen. I really don’t want fil to attend. Dh (all of us, really) will have to have his focus on tending to fil instead of having his focus on ds. It makes me angry.
Ugh - sorry for errors in my post #10835 - that should be how his mobility is compare to three MONTHS ago - which was the last time we saw him.
@hoggirl - Is there another family member you could put “in charge” of your fil at graduation so you and your husband will be able to fully focus on your son? If not a family member, could you hire a caregiver for the day? I can totally empathize with wanting the focus be on your son and wanting to enjoy the moment.
@momofsenior1 - sadly, no other family member is attending. Our ds is an only. I briefly hinted to my sister-in-law that maybe she would like to go (I’d be happy to pay her way! She and the in-laws all live 1,800+ miles away so flying is involved), but she is no dummy. Additionally, it’s a bit of a sore subject in the family as her daughter (our niece, also an only. Thus only two grandchildren) flunked out of college her junior year of college but lied about it and told everyone she was enrolled for what would have been her entire senior year of college. It was only about three weeks prior to when she was supposed to graduate that she ‘fessed up.
I’m not sure how I would go about hiring a caregiver for the day?? That’s an interesting idea, but I know fil would balk at having a “babysitter.” I have rented a golf cart to move us between events. He refuses to use a cane/walker, etc., so I knew simply renting a wheelchair was not going to work. He doesn’t need a wheelchair - but he does move very slowly. There is a lot of pride involved. I appreciate the sympathy and ideas, though. Thank you.
At this point, I am hoping that it is very clear when we visit next week how feasible his attending will be. Then I must hope that dh will have the gumption to talk to him frankly if it appears to be a bad idea.