Parents Cutting Off Tuition if I'm Openly Gay

<p>I agree that being discreet is probably the way to go. Ultimately it is your choice and I think you understand this. Only you can figure out whether it is more important to finish up college where you are or go it on your own if your lifestyle is more important. I will say many people have to be discreet about things that go on in their personal life whether it is physical, financial, emotional and these for the most part are under the individual's control. Sometimes the cat gets out of the bag but ultimately at this point in time it is very much you who controls the flow of information by what you do and what you say.</p>

<p>I read your post, I have a gay son and love him to death. He is the one who had a hard time dealing with it. You can find support from reconciling ministries, churches that are open and affirming. At least you will get some support.</p>

<p>You might read "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward -- she has lots of good advice about how to avoid having parents tie a person's innards into knots -- whether it's sweethearts, money, or where the mustard sits in the fridge. </p>

<p>You might also stretch out a tape measure. You started at zero as a newborn and now you are at the 19-21 mark -- with luck you may live to be 90 or more. There are many, many years ahead of you. I'll warn you that it is easy to think "I'll be free in a couple of years" is a fantasy -- there are always more bills, less time, and more restrictions than we want (in three years you may be able to publicly kiss your sweetheart but also be finding that the condo complex rules on garbage can size and door paint color make you nuts with their narrowness. Such is life). </p>

<p>Get outside a lot. Seriously. Sunshine and fresh air help us connect with the bigger world. You may not be able to change your parents, but you can change your context -- work at seeing them as people you love but see them as two people ("Bill and Sue") in a vast world. If your life is limited to classes, college life and family, then it is easy to see the conflict between your two worlds. Connecting more the natural world and life beyond the campus can take some of the intensity out of this dichotomy by making the world seem more like a spectrum (which it is). </p>

<p>I wonder if part of you is crying to be "the good boy" -- wanting your parents to love you, wholeheartedly, as you are -- with no need to hide anything about yourself. Please know the grief and sickness you feel others can feel -- but over things that you might laugh about. What about the kid who adores jazz saxaphone when his parents are strict classical piano sorts? Should he deny himself? Fight with them constantly? Or learn to listen to classical music politely at times without allowing himself to be drawn into a war zone? </p>

<p>Get some distance from your drama -- please don't make this into "Rip my soul apart again day" on a 365 day basis. Please hang in there as the skills you build now will help every year from here on out.</p>