Parents Cutting Off Tuition if I'm Openly Gay

<p>I'm a freshman at Georgetown, and my parents have told me for years that they wouldn't pay for my education if I "lived a faggot lifestyle." I came out of the closet soon after arriving at school, and I've been trying to live openly in DC and in the closet at home. So far, there haven't been any problems, but I would prefer to not have this worry swirling around my head all the time. </p>

<p>I don't anticipate having any relationship with my parents after becoming financially independent, but I don't see how I can ever reach that point if I graduate with over $200,000 of debt. Is there any way I could convince financial aid to consider me an independent, even if my parents are willing to pay under their demands? </p>

<p>I know the easy answer is to not let them find out, but they read my text messages every night and are always inquisitive about who my friends are and who I'm talking to. I can't hide this forever, and I honestly don't want to. It's giving me so much extra stress and inhibiting my ability to focus on school.</p>

<p>What a shame, another case of parents gone wild....the easy answer is to come out and see whatbe result is..I am afraid you the outcome...So, perhaps living the dual life until school is all paid for, then tell them .....sorry that you have to go thru this...best of luck</p>

<p>Pay for your own private phone and email account for your social life. And consider staying low key til you finish college. There is no easy middle ground with your parents and FA won't help, either. Choose and be prepared for the financial or social consequences. Not saying it is fair or nice--you have a choice. I know many kids who would give up all sex-life of any orientation for 4years to get a 200,000 education.</p>

<p>* but they read my text messages every night *</p>

<p>???</p>

<p>How do they do that? Can't you prevent that? Or tell your friends not to text you. Or, pay for your own phone (don't tell your parents about that other number)....cheaper than paying for college!!!</p>

<p>and, be vague about your friends. Gee... you need to put some distance between you and your parents. They're too nosy.</p>

<p>Yeah, just stay low-key and get your own phone so they won't find out through text messages. Just send messages from your computer to your old phone with "safe" messages so your parents won't be suspicious of no text messages being delivered. And being able to lie about your friends or censor what comes out of your mouth. Just don't blow up in anger and spill something out until you're out of college. Best of luck to you.</p>

<p>I'm still trying to figure out how they read his text messages every night. Did they set something up to have his texts sent to an email acct? If so, I'd stop that.</p>

<p>
[quote]
I don't anticipate having any relationship with my parents after becoming financially independent, but I don't see how I can ever reach that point if I graduate with over $200,000 of debt. Is there any way I could convince financial aid to consider me an independent, even if my parents are willing to pay under their demands?

[/quote]
</p>

<p>There is NO WAY you are going to be able to be viewed as an independent student while and undergrad. Sorry...just not going to happen. In addition, you will not be able to take out $200,000 in loans in your own name only. You will absolutely need a co-signer for any loans above and beyond the Stafford loans (which you will need to complete a FAFSA with parent info to get).</p>

<p>How can someone read your text messages? They would have to have YOUR cell phone to do so. Do you live at home where they have access to your phone? If this is really an issue, stop texting and use the phone feature only.</p>

<p>On Virgin Mobile, if you have the phone number and the account PIN, you can go online and see the phone numbers that have sent and received texts from your phone. You can't read the actual texts, however. One of S's friends has out-of-control parents who call the phone numbers and interrogate whoever answers, demanding to know who they are and why they're calling/texting the son. :eek:</p>

<p>This is a preposterous story. What does "openly gay" mean? I would think a Georgetown student would have the sense to behave prudently and their sexuality wouldn't be obvious to anyone.
What you do in the bedroom is private. Otherwise, behave accordingly as I'd expect of a Georgetown student. If not, you'll get what you deserve.</p>

<p>"If this is really an issue, stop texting and use the phone feature only."</p>

<p>Best advice of the lot here!</p>

<p>If your parents note that there are no more texts, tell them that it is the latest fad at Georgetown.</p>

<p>You do need to think long and hard about whether or not you are ready, willing, and able to become financially responsible for your own education. Without help from your family, you would almost certainly have to leave your current university, get a job, start working full-time in order to support yourself, and then look around for a place to finish your studies by attending part-time. All across this country there are lots of people doing just exactly that, so clearly it is possible. The question is whether or not you want to.</p>

<p>I don't think this student is living at home and parents are reading his texts at night. If that were the case, the student could just delete each text after reading....and/or put a password on his phone.</p>

<p>I realize that you can go online and see the phone numbers of the texters, but (at least with my plan) I can't read those texts. </p>

<p>I'm wondering if the parents have set something up so that this student's texts are actually forwarded to them someway....email? or to their phones??</p>

<p>And, right, the student can't be named as an independent.</p>

<p>I think that you would be doing the smart thing by not coming out to your parents. It will be hard and will cause a lot of pain, but is certainly better than the alternative. My best advice to would be to either buy a pay as you go phone or buy an iPod touch and download the texting app. You're parents will never know. I'm sorry about this situation and can only imagine how hard it must be for you. Unfortunately you have quite a dilemma: a) accept who you are and be open to your sexuality and face a lot of debt or b) keep quiet and get your education paid for. Because your financial situation is what is most important (so that you are able to independent in the future), just keep your sexual orientation on the down low. In the mean time, I encourage you to talk with someone you trust about your situation. Perhaps a best friend or a counselor at your university. If you are afraid that Georgetown will tell you parents (I doubt they ever would/it's illegal), you can definitely find counseling services in DC. </p>

<p>Stageforsurvivor, your response to this thread is one of the many reasons why bigotry exist in regards to sexual orientation. The OP never said that he was going to hook up with someone in the quad at Georgetown. Yes, what someone does in their bedroom is their own business, but homosexuality exists outside the confines of the bedroom walls. Contrary to what you may believe, gay people are capable of having the same types of relationships as any straight couple. So yes, I do take offense to your statement that a Georgetown statement should know better. He just wants to be able to be open about his sexual orientation. No one deserves to be punished for being who they really are.</p>

<p>If this isn't a joke, your parents are being wickedly manipulative. No advice here except to discuss this with a counselor at school.</p>

<p>sws165,</p>

<p>Please enlighten me as to the meaning of "openly gay" since no one else seems to be willing to provide an answer?
FYI, I have no problem with "being gay" unless it is openly flaunted for the sake of being "different". In the same manner I would be offended if someone flaunted being "straight"!
I have several gay friends and they aren't "in your face" about their lifestyle.</p>

<p>stageforsurvivor, do you date members of the opposite sex, going to restaurants and movies and other public venues, perhaps even holding hands or exchanging a quick kiss while there? Do you attend social events where you make contact with members of the opposite sex, making it clear that you are looking for a potential relationship? Do you ever make comments to friends and acquaintances about how attractive or sexy a particular member of the opposite sex (celebrity, classmate, etc.) is? If so, you need to stop flaunting your "openly straight" lifestyle on everyone's face just for the sake of not being "different". As for your several gay friends, how do you know they are gay if they are not "open" about it?</p>

<p>I think what the OP means is that if he were to be openly gay to his parents, that would mean that he could do what his straight siblings/friends could do...talk about his love interests, have them over to family events, go out with them without parents' disapproval simply because the relationship isn't straight.</p>

<p>Wow, thanks for all the replies. I should have been more clear about the texts. Like mom2collegekids mentioned, they can see all the numbers I talk to and go crazy trying to figure out who the people are. This isn't as much as a problem as it was in high school, of course, but I was just giving an example of how overly-protective they are. Right now, my biggest concern is that I can't hide myself from my parents forever. I'm obviously going to be smart about it, but when you have a large group of gay friends and are dating someone of the same gender, you never know when something's going to slip or someone's going to put the pieces together. I have 3 and a half years of undergrad left and then (likely) grad school, and I need to be prepared for the worst financial situation.</p>

<p>@stageforsurvivor I certainly hope you're not a Georgetown student. "Openly gay" doesn't seem to be a cryptic phrase, since every other poster understands the situation more than you do. No, I'm not having sex with men in front of Healy Hall, but I would like to be able to have normal relationships. It's frightening that your best advice is for me to hide my sexual orientation from the world when most students at my Catholic university (where the students had to fight for ages for an LGBTQ organization) would be very offended by your post. I'm thankful to be in an accepting environment where people are free to be themselves and not "Georgetown clones" that you seem to envision.</p>

<p>Well, I won't apologize for my "ancient" views and wouldn't ostracize one of my children if gay, your parents have the right to make the decisions they make, they don't OWE you a college education.
Only you can decide what's more important, paying your own way or relying on your parents, either way, I don't see a happy ending.</p>

<p>* they can see all the numbers I talk to and go crazy trying to figure out who the people are.*</p>

<p>So, they can only see the numbers of who you're texting with, but not the messages. Well, that won't tell them much. </p>

<p>I would just let them think you're a popular person at G'town and there are students that communicate with you frequently to arrange study sessions, meals together, etc.</p>

<p>You need to have them pay for your education, just lay low during your college years.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>OP -</p>

<p>Clearly your parents know or suspect something about your orientation or they would not have made this statement about cutting off the money if you have what they call "a faggot lifestyle". One thing you might want to do is find out exactly what that terminology means to them. Are they objecting to homosexuality per se, or is it that they don't want you to embrace a more extreme style of dress and personal grooming? In other words, if you look like one of the blue-or-black-suited interns from Capitol Hill would it be more OK than if you sport a magenta Mohawk, piercings, and tattoos?</p>