Parents, do you live vicariously through your child? How much autonomy did you give them in school?

Parents Forum
21

I really enjoy listening to my kids when they want to share something and offering my two cents when they ask for it. I love watching them fly into their own lives.

We do not direct their lives - we didn’t choose their colleges, their majors, their courses, their extra curriculars, their beliefs, their clubs, or anything similar. We do try to pay for what we can when they have needs and we flew to Jordan when my son was there on a Study Abroad so we could enjoy that country and his life there with him for 10 days.

Not one single regret. My lads have told me they appreciate the contact we have, so I don’t think they have regrets either.

22

Vicarious? Me? Heavens no. But I am a little disappointed in that C+ WE got in that geology class last semester. :smiley:

23

I do. My son is living the life I wanted to to have for myself, but couldn’t. I’ve worked hard to give it to him.

As to the autonomy, I was very involved with his college process, but otherwise it’s completely hands off. Just the way I’d want it if I were him.

24

I don’t think I live vicariously through my kids, but I am interested in hearing what they are up to. They’ve been out of college for a while. We talk or Skype once a week at most. In high school I gave some advice on courses, but never followed their grades or knew what the homework was. The younger one often asked us to read papers for typos and comments. I now know way more than I ever wanted to about nuclear disarmament and the politics of India and Pakistan! He’s become a very good writer over the years.

I helped both kids with the college process, suggesting places to look at, reading over their essays. The language and topics were theirs. The ultimate decisions were 100% theirs.

25

I have my own life-- I don’t need to live through my kids.

Both kids had huge amounts of autonomy in HS. In college that had/have complete autonomy

26

Maybe. I put a huge amount and time and effort into my 2 boys (currently in middle school and elementary school):

  • Bankrolling their ECs and supplementary academic activities
  • Chauffering them to their ECs
  • Working with them on schoolwork (as needed; the less the better)
  • Reviewing their school performance and working with them on their executive function development
  • Finding summer programs that develop their interests and transporting them to those programs
  • Providing additional "homeschooling" for advanced academics beyond what is provided in school

All on top of working a full time job. They lead much more exciting lives than I do, and I hope that will continue. I often give them “trials” to see how much responsibility and autonomy they can handle, and get involved only as needed. And hopefully, as they mature and are able to take on more autonomy and responsibility, I will be less and less involved.

27

Funny, I often wonder if we are too involved, but other times wonder if we are selfish to enjoy our newfound peace and quiet. Can’t wait for their return on vacations, in both directions :wink: