Topic.
No.
A lot.
Only in the sense that I enjoy watching her have a better experience than I did.
Pretty much all of it.
I didn’t live vicariously through my kids. I was heavily engaged in my own work (research) and my achievements were of my own making.
But I reveled in the achievements of my kids and did all I could to support them. They had almost complete autonomy, defining their own academic and career paths.
Maybe a little bit when I see my daughter dance.
I’m very hands off with my kids’ school involvement. Probably too hands off. But my ex husband makes up for it.
I did encourage them to get involved in clubs at first…they did…but after a while they found their own activities.
My daughter is pre-med so I do try to give her guidance on that.
My daughter is quite the world traveler, and has been so since high school - so I travel vicarously through her. Generally that means anxiously waiting for photos to be posted to facebook or instagram.
One of my sons had a roommate this year who couldn’t leave campus without notifying his parents, who live several hours away. That’s probably way more hands in than I’d be comfy with.
I keep in touch weekly thru FaceTime. Both kids text me occasionally thru the week.
My oldest just left for a month long European trip. I know what countries he’ll be in but I don’t know the details of his lodging or travel arrangements between countries. He’s 20. He can handle it.
I FaceTime with my son once a week. Once in a while he will text me…and I may text him once in a while…usually something goofy. But he is off at college learning to be an adult. And that happens best without the heavy hand of an adult. 
When DD was involved in competitive sport I was since I never was good at anything sport related. DD is attending school on the opposite coast. She calls me every night before going to bed. Good thing we have 3 hours time difference because I cannot stay up as late as she is. She also texts me few times throughout the day.
Duh. Of course I live vicariously through my daughter. What other reason would there be to have a kid for?
A few weeks ago my youngest son and I were laughing about the histrionics of one of the crazy helicopter parents at his school. He said, “Mom, you’re the opposite of a helicopter parent. You’re more like a submarine parent.” I liked that description.
Well, I did live vicariously through a lot of my students this weekend-- they were at Disney World and I was doing laundry. I checked the videos posted online and enjoyed their enjoyment tremendously.
Beyond that though, I will admit to being a helicopter mom of sorts… that is until I read the occasional post here that convinces me I’m much more laid back than some!
When my son was away at school last year, I wanted a text or call or some contact once a week or so… even just an “OK” to a “How’s it going?” text.
Our kid is still a junior in high school, and I will freely admit that we are extremely involved in his school and his extracurriculars. We have met some lovely people through the boosters groups, and we call some of his teachers friends.
We are trying to back off and develop our other interests before he goes off to college. We are encouraging him to go a decent distance away so that we don’t hover so much.
It’s tough when you have an only child, and no other family close by.
My kids are homeschooled, so I am their mother, their guidance counselor, and their activities/opportunities researcher/facilitator (I am not, however, their teacher, as all their classes are outsourced through online classes, coop classes, tutors, and, soon, dual credit). I am therefore, by necessity, extremely involved in what is going on with them in the sense that I discover opportunities and research academic/extracurricular possibilities. While my kids are taking their classes, I check with them every other week to make sure they are on-track, and I do not hover or stick around during their extracurricular activities. So I am very involved with what they are doing but at the same time try to be as hands-off as possible.
Parent of an only child here too (well, actually she had an older brother but he died nearly 20 years ago as an infant). It’s been a challenge for me from day one to not be the crazy, over protective helicopter mom but I feel like my job as a parent is to make sure she is ready to face the world independently so I’ve always had to stamp down the urge to keep her in a protective bubble. She’s gone to sleep away camps, mission trips, and international immersion trips (camp starting in 3rd grade when I was no where near ready but she was ; ). I haven’t managed schedules or helped with homework since middle school, I don’t check grades anymore, she is totally in charge of her own schedule (she has a car which makes it easier for her to be more independent)…
That said, I still anxiously await texts telling me she’s gotten to her destination (her high school is a 35 minute drive from our home each way), and I’m sure I’ll want to have regular contact with her once she gets to college in mid August.
Do I live vicariously through her? Totally happy with my own life but as a stay at home parent, I do get a lot of joy from seeing her accomplishing her goals.
TBH, I’m sure I will have a tough empty nest adjustment.
I stopped checking “Blackboard” and my children’s grades after 7th grade. I help guide them through some things, but I prefer they tackle everything they can by themselves while I’m still around to pick up the pieces or offer support before they leave home. So when Kiddo #1 left for college, I knew she’d be fine on her own. We text randomly, talk infrequently, and aren’t Facebook/Instagram friends. The one exception is when she’s traveling on her own. I still want a text to know when she’s arrived safely, etc. I almost called campus police after Christmas break. She’d flown back to campus in bad weather. A friend was picking her up at the airport and a parents group I’m on was reporting that roads were being closed due to the weather/ice. And I got radio silence on whether she’d made it back to campus safely. Eventually she answered her phone (she’d been asleep) and I was able to relax.
I love listening to her stories of what she’s up to, the travels she’s done, etc. I’m not sure where the line is drawn between living vicariously and just taking pride in what your child is doing, so perhaps I am living vicariously through her.
You do not “give” kids autonomy. They TAKE it. At least for us- all strong willed, independent. Parents and child. He chose which courses to take, we signed off on them in HS as required. He only told us what he wanted to. Once he went to college he was in charge, despite being younger than 18. You know you have done a good job when your HS freshman progresses to being in charge of his/her life and you become increasing less important to them.
Absolutely live vicariously. That doesn’t mean that I don’t live my own life - it means that I am THRILLED to follow the adventures of both of our daughters. D1 is now 26, and thriving on the opposite coast. I am her Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter friend, although seldom comment. We talk by phone perhaps once a week, and text fairly frequently (usually fun or family stuff). Sending her to college across the country was a big leap of faith, as I was pretty helicoptery academically due to a learning disability. She did FANTASTIC. D2 is completely different - born organized and focused, but needs emotional support. I am proud that I supported them where they needed it - when they needed it, but backed off where they didn’t. Now that the 26 year old is crossing the invisible line from “you know nothing” to “you know quite a lot,” she tells me that she thinks that I did a good job.
No, I don’t think I live vicariously through my two kids. Maybe because neither one of them is living MY dream life?
It’s nice to see them build lives for themselves, but I don’t know the play-by-play. We were hands off in HS and remain hands off in college. I joke that we used the “raised by wolves” method of parenting.