Well, my kid is certainly scrappy, living in Beirut and riding his motorcycle to the Syrian refugee camp to volunteer several times a week. If he wants to use WhatsApp to ask me to check his grammar, I don’t think it’s going to handicap him too much.
The best high school English teacher my older son had, gave them an assignment that he kept making them rewrite until every kid in the class had what he considered an A essay. I wish there had been a lot more of that. And after that class my older son was a competent if not very exciting writer.
I think most parents who have helped their kids stay within the ethical boundaries of how much help they offer. I’m also quite sure that we’ve all seen our share of over-involved parents as well — from writing papers to building fabulous science fair projects that would defy even the average adult skills. There are always going to be people who like to bend/break the rules.
I know that in our limited experience when we have been asked by our children to look at their work, we have ascertained that our help is allowed. The kid in college asked us to proofread her final dissertation paper(75+ pages). Her research professor encouraged the students to use all the resources they were able to including help from family and friends. She used the writing center as well to the extent she could.
The kid in high school asked us to read his college essays and we commented on the shared Google Doc. I think he had the editing feature disabled so we couldn’t change his writing even if we had wanted to.
I can’t imagine the little help we have given made our kids less independent or less resilient to deal with the real world.
On the flip side, I remember proofreading some of my Dad’s preliminary research papers for his Phd years ago when I was a college student, eons ago. There was no one else who could do it. His guides were all full-time researchers like my Dad and didn’t have the time and the typists who typed the papers were not qualified to proofread(language issues). Heck, I even drew the Carbon diagrams for the paper(technical drawing being one of my learned skills at college). Was that wrong?
I’m not sure because I don’t know if that violated the academic rules of the institution that granted his Phd. I don’t believe my Dad would’ve asked me had that been the case.
Back in the day, I used to do the diagrams for a bunch of my scientist friends. They would have hired the graphics department guys at the university, but I was cheaper and faster. I used to help them with their posters too. Now they do it all on the computer by themselves with no help.
It all depends on what you are talking about in terms of help, and I don’t think it is all that hard. There is a big difference between a kid asking his/her parent to proof read a paper and asking them if it was understandable and for things like grammar and another for the parent to actually write it or do the research or tell them content. When my son wrote his minor’s thesis, there was no way I could help him with the content, all I could do is tell him if I thought a section of the writing was clunky or if I saw grammatical errors and if I thought it was readable. I have read other papers of his for clarity and understandability, and again it wasn’t me telling hm how to write the paper, it simply was giving him feedback on the work he had done. If they do much of the work, and all I was doing was offering suggestions to polish it, that shouldn’t be a problem IMO. When he did papers that involved history, I made suggestions of things to research before he wrote the paper, things he might find interesting to think about, but the paper was all his. Parents are a resource and there are places where it can be appropriate. On the other hand if I found rather than offering proof reading or suggestions, I in effect was writing the whole paper if I did what he asked, I would tell him he needed to work on it more (I have never had that, my help has been pretty limited).
It is true that kids need to think on their own and be able to do things, but in real life people don’t work alone either. An academic writing a professional paper will have others proof read it and offer thoughts on it, when a mathematician comes up with a new proof on something they will send it to colleagues for review and to see if they see any obvious mistakes or goofs before submitting it, in the work world I have had plenty of colleagues ask me to offer suggestions on a document they were writing or on an e-mail before they sent it out.
Emphasis added:
And that’s the key bit: Did the instructor say to use all available resources? Then go for it! If not, don’t.
At every institution whose academic integrity policies I’ve reviewed (and that’s a pretty good number, since I chaired my university’s faculty committee on student academic integrity for a number of years), that’s your basic guidelines, right there in a nutshell.
I still don’t see a good argument for parents doing the proofreading and editing.
It appears to me that this is a fairly new phenomenon. When I was in college in the 80’s, no one I knew had the ability or the thought to go over papers with the parents.
What is the upside? For example since @MaineLonghorn posted just above, why do it? If he is so scrappy and independent, why not just take the grade he would have earned on his own or found local help?
And tagging onto @“Snowball City”'s question on the upside, what is the downside to having no parental involvement in paper writing? What’s the worst that is going to happen? (not talking about the big $$$ scholarships here. 
)
I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. I just don’t see the problem with talking to my son on the phone and saying things such as, “I don’t think I would put a comma there, but it’s up to you.”
@dfbdfb My D’s did not receive good instruction over the years in writing. They did not get enough paper assignments and got minimal comments from teachers. And this was in honors or AP classes. To be honest I wasn’t particularly impressed with some professors and writing center tutors either.
My involvement was to help teach them to be better INDEPENDENT writers. And they wanted that help. They sought me out and by doing so knew they were probably facing criticism and re-writes.
In the perfect world, I guess I could have given them separate writing assignments and papers to work on and for me to edit–but we all know that wasn’t happening in the real world. So I used my experience as an English major, professional editor, copywriter, and teacher certified in English and Reading to help edit/ comment on their assigned work when asked.
Just because a parent helps, it does not mean they are doing the work. Or that they don’t understand the difference between editing and taking ownership of a paper.
My D’s did the writing and research. They were responsible for all content. Did they have an advantage having their on in-house editor and tutor? Yes. But students who had better teachers and more papers over the years had an advantage, too. As for the integrity aspect…as a teacher, I would have loved to have parents willing to help their students like I did. And the professors who couldn’t be bothered assigning or editing papers throughout the term, to me, don’t have the right to say much either.
Totally agree with @CaliDad2020. No relation 
Back in the 80s, some people did do that, many people with mental illnesses and learning disabilities didn’t go to college. Some people who now go to college and get by with a little assistance wouldn’t have gone to college at all 30 years ago. Some people are helicopter parents.
For me, the specific things that I do to help my kids are things that they either couldn’t do for themselves (being the last read on a thesis), or are things (resumes, cover letters) where silly mistakes could impact their futures. The job market is just too tough not to take that last step and have someone else proofread. It’s not always me who does it, but I will if asked. I rarely find anything, but I have found things that matter, and when sending the same basic letter to multiple recipients, I think it’s always good to have someone take a look, whether it’s your mother, your writing center, your boyfriend, or your secretary. I would feel totally different about DOING something for another person, but I have no problem at all with giving anything a read over (unless explicitly prohibited, in which case, no), and I would hope my kids have learned that for important writing, it’s always good to have a second pair of eyes, wherever you can recruit them.
Lots of strong opinions!
My oldest gets zero help. He’d never ask. Although he does for job hunting bc he knows I have many years of business writing under my belt. Still, if he asked me to read something, I would be happy to tell him if I see a typo, or if there are places where I just can’t follow the thought.
My youngest-oy! He’s in 11th grade. My editing now is telling him where I think he can lengthen his papers!
College ethics are not real world ethics. Just bc there is no ill intent, or no harm done, kids can still get into hot water. It’s just the way it is…until they get out into the real world.
I can’t imagine either of my kids even asking me to look at their papers. As I write this , S is upstairs working on a paper (he is on extended spring break from his school overseas). There is no way I will see it. Heck, I didn’t even see college application essays
My youngest daughter had a high school teacher like that too. The teacher had a folder that students could drop a page or two of their paper into as they wrote. The teacher would proofread and offer suggestions - grammar and/or content and return the next class day. The weekend before the first term paper was due she told students she’d be available all weekend for questions and/or corrections. My daughter emailed her late Friday night and the teacher replied by early the next morning. My daughter felt the teacher hadn’t caught what she asked, so she emailed her again re-asking her question in a different way. The teacher responded within hours, clarifying her answer. Daughter made an A+ on her paper and learned ever so much about the writing process. Two things surprised me: the teacher’s dedication and the number of students who didn’t take advantage of it.
By the way, the teacher also taught a writing course (volunteer) at a prison.
She was one of a handful of truly remarkable teachers my young adults had - though they also had many they consider good.
My mom edited (and by edited I mean rewrote, edited content, etc) my dad’s grad school papers including his PhD thesis. She saw it as part of her job as a wife…this was back in the early 1960s. She’d also quit school to support him while he got that PhD.
@“Snowball City” I believe there is one simple reason to encourage your kid to have us (or, if possible, someone more talented than us) review and “edit” (if by “edit” you mean suggest lines of thought/reading/exploration to make their paper better) and that is that, in my years of experience, I have found that the sinlge most important skill in writing is re-writing. And I have found that schools/courses, due to time and resource limitations, are sorely lacking in requirements/opportunities for a student to do meaningful rewrites.
So if my kid is willing to send home a paper (and, sadly, they aren’t so much sniff-sniff) I jump at the opportunity because I know they will do one more pass at the text, and I can encourage them to think more deeply about the progression of their argument or the rhythm of their prose or the power of their conclusion. I used to volunteer to do some writing tutoring at a local school. Kids NEVER rewrote. It was painful for them. (It’s painful for professionals sometimes) but it is a critical skill. And much pedagogical research has found that immediate feedback with opportunities for correction is often the most effective way to learn.
And we all know how many times a kid in a 4 month course will be able to (or willing to) rewrite something with informed, well-meaning feedback. Not enough, even if it was every week.
Many of our kids are studying subjects where they are only required to take 3 or 4 or 5 “heavy writing” courses in their entire college career. They will write maybe 10-15 papers tops. Many far less. 3 or 4 drafts of each, at most. Any chance I get to encourage my kid to do an additional draft is gravy to me.
As an anecdotal aside, many years ago my uncle was the head of a fairly prestigious humanities department at a pretty well regarded university. His policy was unlimited rewrites. He’d accept them up until the end of a student’s accademic career, and would read and comment on them, even if the grade was already recorded and the student was on their way out of the school. He believed that best thing a student in his class could do was live with and revise an idea as many times as they could stand until they had delved as deep as they could. He’d also tell you a disheartening number of students never bothered to rewrite their final paper, even when they came to him to see if they could up their grade.
So, sure, as noted, don’t violate academic standards. That goes without saying. But many, if not most, teachers will encourage a student to bounce their ideas and prose off others. A parent should be fair game. Most kids write better than their folks anyway, as my kids always tell me!
My kids’ HS English teachers, for the most part, would return papers and the only mark would be the grade. This, 6 to 8 weeks after it was turned in. It has been a sore point with the schools here.
This year, S2 has a very good English teacher for the first time ever. It has been a big help.
@CaliDad2020 I appreciate your honesty. To me, that level of involvement is potentially problematic. I would be interested in feedback from @dfbdfb although he may be wanting to move on and not be our token professor.
I would rather have my kid get a lower grade and have a Come to Jesus moment, learn to write a draft ahead of time, and search out office hours or the writing center. My voice does not need to be the voice encouraging her to dig deeper. It should come from her instructor and from her inner desire to learn something.
I am remembering something I think @doschicos wrote about her son having a long productive session with the professor. What a wonderful experience. Why would I want to get in the way of that?
@“Snowball City” I guess I don’t think any of what you wrote is mutually exclusive with what I wrote, except that your voice does not need to be the voice of encouragement to dig deeper. Maybe not, but why not?
Anyway, the thing about being humans and parents and all that is we are allowed to have our own opinions and ways of approaching life. Given that my kid is off at schools, took the summer after their senior year to backpack around a country 4000 miles away where they don’t speak any of my kid’s native tongues, I’m pretty confident that it will all work out.
But I do think that there is a key dicotomy here between the “grade” side of the coin and the “learning” side of the coin. I’m not so concerned with grades. But I do hope that I can continue to contribute to learning.
And perhaps my attitude comes from higher education being a bit of a family business. Knowing first hand the limitations (time, resources etc.) there are in the “sausage factory” if I’m going to be part of the financial support of my kid going to college, I’m also going to be part of the intellectual support that pushes them to get the most they can out of the experience, and I think constructive editing can add to that. It is not crucial, critical or a big aspect at all, but I certainly don’t see how, in my kid’s situation, it hurts.
But we can beat this death (ok, we have…) and I have to go edit my taxes! (I know… I know… late again…)