Parents finally found out I've been smoking weed...

Parent Cafe
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<p>My parents found out I have been smoking weed when I left a conversation with a friend open on my computer. I went to school and came home realizing I left it open, but didn’t think much of it. Later that night my mom and I go out shopping and she doesn’t mention anything of it.</p>

<p>When we came home from the mall, she comes to my room and says “We need to talk.” I knew immediately what this is was going to be about. She asked my if I’ve been smoking pot. I said yes. She then explains side affects I knew about and how it’s a gateway drug, the usual stuff most parents would say. However, I did lie to her telling her that I had no pot left at home. I did this because I wanted to sell it and get my money back. </p>

<p>My mom found out today, because she took my phone I guess, that there is still pot in this house. I now plan on flushing it down the toilet or something. My mom and I have a great relationship, but I feel it will be diminished because of this. As for my dad, it’s decent but he just annoys the hell outta me sometimes. </p>

<p>Honestly I was planning to continue to smoke but after she called me out again I have to stop for good now.</p>

<p>any ideas on anything I should do? other than apologize?</p>

<p>edit-my mom just barged in my room saying the trust we had has been lost, which sucks</p>

2

<p>If you’ve decided to stop for good–that’s great and that’s all they really want. They’re surely just interested in your best interest. There’s more than the ‘gateway drug issue’ which you probably could dismiss. Maybe you know about the impact on intelligence? And seriously–you don’t want to get caught & get into anything legal. You really, really don’t ever want to sit in a jail (even awaiting bail) for any period of time (gruesome possibilities for a kid–I’ve done criminal law-- I won’t give you the details, you can imagine).</p>

<p>Good luck to you! Just give your parents time; hopefully they will chill. I usually do w/my son. He’s learned to not argue back at me when I’m mad (& I’ve learned not to push him when he’s mad). I’m sure you know that, though.</p>

<p>Hope this is helpful.</p>

3

<p>Yes, the trust is gone and you have to earn it back. That means that you must become completely transparent to your parents. The concept of “privacy” no longer has any meaning between you and them - you have no “privacy” left. </p>

<p>If you really want to earn the trust back, you must do the following: Accept without argument any punishment or grounding she gives you. Acknowledge the breach of trust and apologize for it. Give your mother your passwords to Facebook, MySpace, e-mail, IM, and anywhere else that you chat on the computer. Allow her access to your text messages on your cell phone. Understand and give her permission to look in your room, your closet, your drawers. Tell her where you’ll be at all times and then be there - she will randomly check to make sure. Stay away from friends who smoke pot. If she asks you questions, even ones you think are stupid or intrusive, don’t give her attitude - answer them truthfully and directly. </p>

<p>These actions will show her both that you understand what you did and that you are mature enough to accept the responsibility and the consequences for it. In time, as you show her that you are trustworthy, she will begin to trust you again and you can regain some of your privacy.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

4

<p>When my D did something that caused me to lose trust…it was her first offense, that I knew of anyway</p>

<p>I didn’t ground her, but she had to call me every hour no matter where she was, or text me if she was in a movie say</p>

<p>If I called her, she had to answer right away, or call back within a couple of minutes</p>

<p>She had to tell me where she was going, who with, and she knew that I would and could come and get her anytime…so she had better be honest with me</p>

<p>Kids mess up, and deserve the chance to earn back our trust and to let us know they learned from what happened</p>

<p>Best thing my D did was to NOT try and explain away her actions- nothing irks parents more than getting mad at US for snopping when we feel we need to…</p>

<p>And having a good attitude is paramount right now…walking around all snippy and moody and angry does not do your cause any good</p>

<p>take out the trash, wash the dishes, get up, clean your room, don’t draw attention to the fact you are doing it…just do stuff without being reminded or asked</p>

<p>find something you can do together, watch a game with your dad, ask him wha the things mom wants for the holidays</p>

<p>And make it REAL< this is not sucking up, this is mature behavior, and that is what your parents need and want to see</p>

<p>You will be fine and most parents want to trust their kids and want to have a warm fun relationship, so they will be looking for ways to keep those doors open for you</p>

<p>Take care</p>

5

<p>ps- she did have to clean up the yard, the bathrooms and mop all the floors</p>

6

<p>One aw messup, wipes out a thousand atta boys…</p>

<p>That’s what’s happened here. Just start working on those thousand, till the next aw * hit happens. </p>

<p>Smoking dope is a personal decision a parent can’t really control. Bringing dope into your mom’s house shows a real lack of respect for your parents. </p>

<p>That’s a tough one to make up for. Smoking’s your business, I won’t tell you it’s right or wrong, just the maryjane industry doesn’t pay the right lobbyists compared to tobbacco and alcohol industries. However, bringing something that is currently illegal into your parents home, is a bit different? don’t you think?</p>

7

<p>I have no issue with Pot, and I think your parents were pretty mellow, considering</p>

<p>and you want to SELL the pot back or whatever? egad man, that is foolish</p>

<p>flush it and be straight with your parents- lying more doesn’t do you any good, and THAT is probably going to hurt you more </p>

<p>So, say, mom, I was scared so i lied about having pot in the house, but here it is, lets flush it</p>

<p>THAT shows character</p>

<p>When you are 18 and out of the house, its your life…just be smart</p>

<p>and selling drugs, even back to the dealer is NOT smart-</p>

8

<p>There’s a few different issues here. There’s the issue of smoking marijuana, there’s the issue of not being honest with your parents about it, and there’s the issue of keeping illegal drugs in their house.</p>

<p>The first shouldn’t be an enormous issue, I feel, as long as your relationship is open and honest. I occasionally smoke pot, and when my parents asked if I did I answered very honestly that I did. Their initial response was negative, based mainly on societal conceptions of the issues surrounding marijuana. As both of them are doctors and are well versed in reading medical literature, after I provided them with a few of the more interesting studies out there on the matter of marijuana’s health effects, they quieted down about it. I suspect they’d rather I never smoked (just as they’d probably rather I never drank), but they accept it as not especially problematic (just as with alcohol).</p>

<p>As for the latter two issues, I would apologize, and make it clear that it was a lapse in judgment that won’t happen again. Past that, you’re just going to have to work extra hard to earn back your parents’ trust.</p>

9

<p>Well I was gunna sell it to a friend, not the dealer. Other than that, I completely agree with you people.</p>

10

<p>Your mom is nice, if you were my D smoking anything would be grounded. The only question is how long.</p>

11

<p>Smoking pot is one thing; the law is less harsh with it. Selling it? Even to a friend? That becomes a major drug bust. Probably the worst idea you had.</p>

12

<p>

Then lying about having it when you had already lost trust. Made it worse. Now she really can’t trust what you say to be true. You’ll have to “work” this one off, so to speak. And you will need to be honest and open until she regains trust again. Sorry, you can’t hurry that one up. Esp with something that is illegal, and something she may have strong feelings about. </p>

<p>Definately go to her and apologize. It makes a huge difference. Be sincere in what you say and be honest. And continue to be honest. No while lies. (Flowers wouldn’t hurt, or one of those I’M sorry I broke your trust cards at Hallmark.) Make sure she knows that you know how you let her down. If you blow it off as not that big a deal, you will make it worse.</p>

<p>Selling what’s left–stupid. Don’t even think about it. It’s just the cost of experience. Let it go, its just money. Its not worth gettin busted.</p>

13

<p>Personally what you do as a self supporting adult as long as you aren’t hurting anyone else is your business.
However- any mind altering drug especially those that are self prescribed are dangerous for those whose brains are still developing.
Take it from me- as someone who has observed light casual users sustain long term damage just from a little pot- that giving your brain a chance to mature without chemicals that inhibit its growth is going to serve you better in the long run.
even without the trust and responsibilty issue.
You only get one brain.</p>

14

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</p>

<p>I understand everyone’s concern for the kid and agree that he should not be smoking pot as it can reduce productivity. However the above statement may or may not be relevant. Evidence is lacking as far as permanent damage for pot smokers.</p>

<p>[Minimal</a> Long-Term Effects of Marijuana Use Found](<a href=“http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/pot/a/blucsd030628.htm]Minimal”>Marijuana Addiction: 5 Signs Someone Is Addicted to Weed)
[Robert</a> Lindsay: Does Marijuana Cause Brain Damage?](<a href=“Login to read”>Login to read)
[New</a> Study: Marijuana Does Not Cause Psychosis, Lung Damage, or Skin Cancer | Stop the Drug War (DRCNet)](<a href=“http://stopthedrugwar.org/chronicle_blog/2007/aug/01/new_study_marijuana_does_not_cau]New”>New Study: Marijuana Does Not Cause Psychosis, Lung Damage, or Skin Cancer | StoptheDrugWar.org)
[Welcome</a> to Wellness Education](<a href=“http://www.uvsc.edu/wellnessed/wellnessinfo/minddrugs.html]Welcome”>http://www.uvsc.edu/wellnessed/wellnessinfo/minddrugs.html)</p>

<p>While it may cause temporary damage, that is due to the excess THC in your system which can stay in your system up to 28 days. Caffeine causes more brain damage than Marijuana does.</p>

<p>About the whole gateway drug, that really depends on your personality, but as a college student you really should kick the habit. I understand high school kids getting high, but it will affect short term memory and other functions that your school work typically requires.</p>

<p>As for your parents, the best thing to do is explain that you were just experimenting the way Bill Clinton did. Offer to be drug tested periodically if that will make them feel better.</p>

15

<p>someone who doesnt throw it out when he is caught and contemplates selling it to a friend isn’t just experimenting.</p>

<p>There are actually very limited studies on adolescent drug use because it would be unethical to encourage drug users and it is illegal to admit you do so.</p>

<p>[Heavy</a> Marijuana Use And Schizophrenia Risk](<a href=“http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/34395.php]Heavy”>http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/34395.php)
[Educational</a> outcomes and adolescent cannabis use (report)](<a href=“http://www.schools.nsw.edu.au/learning/yrk12focusareas/druged/cann_outcomes.php]Educational”>http://www.schools.nsw.edu.au/learning/yrk12focusareas/druged/cann_outcomes.php)</p>

<p>and actuallyTHC resides in fatty tissue of the body so it stays indefinitely</p>

<p>I am confused though I was assuming he was in high school- if he is an adult- the affect isnt quite so much-</p>

16

<p>Another thing I’ve seen more than once is a psychotic break precipitated by smoking PCP-laced pot. The smoker doesn’t always know if something else might be in the pot.</p>

17

<p>My mom is just worried because she thinks I’m going to turn out like some of my relatives. She said my uncle ruined his career with drugs and alcohol. I don’t know how because he’s rich now so he must have turned something around. His daughter tried pot and then went on to do hard stuff like meth, and now she’s in and out of rehab.</p>

<p>she thinks the cops are gunna come to our house and put chips in my computer and phone and track all that i do</p>

18

<p>Talk about deja vu. I had been told not to have it in the house. Parents asked if there was any in the house after I had a party at the house over an X-mas break. I said yes.</p>

<p>Dad had played in swing bands in the 1930s (including with Gene Kruppa) and knew about weed. By this time (1969) possession of even small amounts w/o intent to distribute could get you 50 years in Texas. He told me to flush it. </p>

<p>I did (even tho it was Cambodian Red sent back by friend’s older brother from Nam) and I NEVER brought it into the house again. We got passed this. You probably will too, although your mother seems to have a pretty paranoid view of “the Man.” </p>

<p>BTW–I did go on past pot and alcohol experimentation into addiction and now 20+ years of recovery. Looking back, it was a mistake for me. Also, I strongly suggest you consider the lacing problem bethievt mentioned. It happens if you buy, instead of grow you own.</p>

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<p>The drug laws are pretty draconian right now, so it’s a good time to be careful. I’m not saying, OP, that your use is at this problem level, but I’ve worked with young adults who basically never grew up because the drugs sort of became their major relationship and coping mechanism. Don’t let that happen to you.</p>

20

<p>my dad and I just talked. he said he’s not nearly as annoyed as my mom which is good. He told me to always clear my history and delete my texts. I agree</p>