<p>So far in my life, I have done pretty well for myself, by myself. I have gotten good grades most of my life, and my parents seem to never care. They give the occasional “good job.” And that’s it.</p>
<p>I am a twin; I’m the scholarly one. My brother has never done well in school; he never cared about education. He wants (or so he indecisively thinks) to join the marines. My mom spends most of her time trying desperately to dissuade him from joining, as does my sister; my dad wants him to not listen and do what he feels he wants, as does my other brother (my parents are divorced). Whenever our futures come up in conversation, his marine considerations take over conversations. I try to talk about my application to colleges, my future ambitions, my interests, etc., but I just get the “you seem to have it planned out” and back to my brother. I feel like they won’t even realize I’m gone during college because they never talked to me anyway. The only time we’ve had a meaningful conversation in a while was when I got suspended sophomore year for something stupid. They told me how that may have f-ed my chances at colleges and such, and the topic was old news in a month. Back to normal. Out of the picture.</p>
<p>I feel like I have literally no-one to talk to about college; I’m on my own, as I have been my whole life, and I feel like no-one cares to find out anything about me. My parents don’t even know why I want to be an aerospace engineer. I tell them my major, and they just say “oh cool, you’ll be the rocket scientist in the family!” I got my AP scores back: 3 5’s and a 4. A good job from my dad and back to his TV. I got my ACT with a 32. “Cool, hopefully that’s good enough” from my mom. It’s the same for everything.</p>
<p>As I write this, my dad and my older brother are having a lengthy talk about my twin joining the marines - again, probably for the 5th time - and I’m alone in my room. No-one has even asked where I am.</p>
<p>So I guess my question is this: how can I get my parents more interested in me? And more proud of where I’ve come on my own?</p>
<p>It seems, from your situation, that you are the “good” child, and thus does not need the attention that the “bad” child needs.</p>
<p>I understand that situation very well. I have two older step siblings. One is in and out of jail. Another got pregnate as a teen and just had her 3rd child at 22. I, on the other hand, am the good one. I finished HS (third in my class mind you), and the first one out of the bunch to go to a University to further my education. Sure, i got the whole “good job well done” type of thing, but it seemed like i was quickly forgotten. They’re always doing stuff with them (going on a vacation for two weeks, which i wasn’t informed of until the day before is one such occasion), and such.</p>
<p>Its annoying to the core, but you know what? I don’t let it bother me (it used to, i won’t lie). So what, who cares is my adittude as of right now. Why let it bring me down?</p>
<p>Take the high road to where it will take you and don’t look back. Don’t let it bother you, it isn’t worth it in the end.</p>
<p>Have you thought of trying to share how you feel with your parents? Maybe talk to one alone? </p>
<p>They may seem like they dont care but really do! They just take your success and achievements for granted, as so many of us focus more on the problems, fears and stressors rather than appreciate where things are so good!</p>
<p>Also it may be a huge unspoken compliment that they have so much faith and confidence in you, and that you do so well on your own, that they just let you be.</p>
<p>I would not be surprised that if you shared how you see it, they would be shocked and have no idea…and tell you things that you had no idea they were thinking. </p>
<p>Finally, if they aren’t college educated, they may not even ‘get you’ and may feel the school thing is out of their league and they can’t help or just don’t know what to say. That is how it was with my folks. I did make them ultra proud, which I saw later on, but they were just like your parents when I was your age. And the fact that I was on my own with it really turned me into a self sufficient person and that was hugely valuable in how well I did in university!</p>
<p>So tell US why you want to be an aerospace engineer! And don’t hesitate use the Parents forum as a resource when you need help–sooo many knowledgeable and helpful parents here (also a few students who get snarky with their advice, but they can be ignored).</p>
<p>Alright. I want to be an AE, ultimately, to expand human influence off of earth. I want to see a future with humans colonizing other planets, quite simply. I feel like it will be a necessity and I really want to get us there because doing so will highly benefit to the longevity of the human race.</p>
<p>I don’t know best for eng but I like it’s consistency (it seems like you’ve done this quite thoughtfully). One question I have is UMich a safety? I thought similar selectivity to Ucb or ucla, no? </p>
<p>Have you figured out finances? I’m worried your parents aren’t going to be paying for it.</p>
<p>Btw Colorado_mom is a fantastic person to PM for engineering school advice! She is one but also has been thru it as a parent and is generous with ideas. Tell her I sent you :).</p>
<p>Lol, alright. As for UoM, not as selective; ~42% get in, and with low 30’s ACT score at the 75 percentile. For finances, It’ll be grants and loans; my parents will generally pay for my stuff if I seem like I know what I’m doing. They paid for my sister at UCLA, so they’ll do it for me; although they did put the debt back on her later.</p>
<p>In some cases benign neglect is better than the alternative… Look for affirmation elsewhere and don’t worry to much about involving your parents. You have no control over them…and you hardly seem like someone who would become a ‘squeaky wheel’ to get their attention. Would you consider ROTC to pay for school? Might be a good fit for you… or the Air Force Academy. Then you would have no dependence on them at all… carpe diem.</p>
<p>I totally agree with icedragon – I, too, was forced into the position of ‘the good child’ because the siblings around me were so emotionally draining on my parents. They just didn’t have any more time to give me, and it was easier for them to push me into the slot of “you don’t need as much time because you’re so good/smart/stable whatever.” So it’s like I was rewarded with less attention because I behaved. There was actually a book written about this a few years back.</p>
<p>I also agree that being under the parental spotlight isn’t always a good thing. You sound like a smart level-headed kid who unfortunately has not gotten the attention you deserve, but one thing you realize as you grow up – your parents (everyone’s parents) are flawed, limited, human beings. They love you, but they aren’t perfect.</p>
<p>The twin thing must make them second guess themselves as parents – same child, same upbringing, same age – one is you, the other one is the difficult unfocused one. Parents beat themselves up about how their kids turn out. Even though they don’t say it, I’m sure they are so proud of you.</p>
<p>No advice about engineering to give here, but I just want to let you know that I wish you the best and I feel for you. It is hard to be the “good” kid sometimes when your parents are totally absorbed by the problems of other children. It doesn’t mean that your parents don’t care or don’t love you.</p>
<p>Are your parents the type to ever stand up and holler about exciting things? I mean, if you are getting the pats on the back and “good job” comments once in a while, that may be as much as you are ever going to get, if they don’t have a flamboyant style of getting all hyper and calling relatives to brag about you! Maybe you secretly wish for confetti to fall from the ceiling when you announce an accomplishment, and I can understand! Try to look at your parents’ quiet support as showing just how proud they are of you…they HAVE to have numerous discussions with your twin, because they aren’t confident about his ability to make important decisions and succeed on his own. They HAVE confidence in you, and know that they don’t have to hover or force you - that you are totally capable! That’s awesome. Why don’t you invite your dad to lunch with just you, or ask your mom to shop with you for “college interview” type clothing? Maybe just finding ways to have one-on-one time with them is really what you need, rather than huge displays of their pride.</p>
<p>Niklas,
add USC to your list -[they have a great Engineering program! ]AND get your application submitted by Dec 1-then you would be eligible for a merit scholarship! USC gives out 200 full tuition scholarships and 400 1/2 tuition scholarships to top students each year.
Did you take the PSAT and is your score above your states qualifying number? If so, you would receive an AUTOMATIC 1/2 tuition scholarship at USC. </p>
<p>I’m sorry you feel invisible to your family, but its just because your parents DO have confidence in you, and need to focus their attention on the “problem” children in you family.
It will be much better for you once you’re in college, surrounded by equally smart, interesting students. Keep your chin up! You’ll be there soon.</p>