<p>Ok right to the point. I did 3 years in California State Prison. I went when I was 16 and was released exactly a year ago at the age of 19. I’m a freshman in college now in a small town in New Mexico, that’s quite different than my hometown of LA. My problem is I don’t really fit in. I’ve also acquired a slight form on anxiety because of it. For instance, It’s a internal battle to convince myself to go eat in the dining hall. It’s as if I think the students can read my entire life. I have no friends and my roommate is quite anti social himself. WHAT DO I DO?! Any advice? Please and thank you.</p>
<p>Unless you are still wearing your prision jumpsuit, no one can tell you have been in prision. Just go to the dining hall. If you see someone that looks aproachable, ask " is this seat taken?" and if not, just sit down. Say "Hi, I’m Joe (or whatever your name is) I’m a freshman here, " This can get the conversation started. Then ask a few questions about him – what is your major? What year are you? Have you found any fun things to do around campus, etc? Make a list in your mind of some questions. If this person isn’t talkative, the next meal find someone else.</p>
<p>Also go and find out about clubs you can join.</p>
<p>I’m 62 years old, and I’m going to give you the advice my grandmother gave me. I had also been in trouble as a teenager, and I was returning to my senior year in high school, feeling like I didn’t fit in anywhere. She listened to everything, then she shocked me. I thought she’d be kind and understanding – she was a grandmother, for pete’s sake. But she said, “Stop thinking about yourself, and how you feel. Start thinking about other people. When you enter a room, look around and find someone who doesn’t have anyone to talk to. Go up to that person and make them feel better by starting a conversation. Life isn’t all about you.”</p>
<p>Other things you can do:
- Join a club or group that interests you on campus
- If you get a chance to join a study group (or form one), that can be a way to make friends
- Be sure you go to any opportunities you do get – if you live in a dorm and your dorm hall is going out, always go along.<br>
- Look for activities going on around campus (concerts, talks, etc.) and attend. Sit next to someone else who seems to be attending alone and strike up a conversation.</p>
<p>Dining hall can be tough when you don’t have a group to eat with, not going to lie. You have a few choices. Look for people you know (even if not well) and sit down with them. Sit with someone else who is sitting alone. Or take a book or Kindle or whatever with you. But I vote for the first 2 options if you really want to meet people.</p>
<p>Great advice CalAlum.</p>
<p>You’ve paid your debt and deserve this new start. All of us have made mistakes, and that includes everyone you’ll meet on campus. Try not to think that the other students “can read your entire life” - like you, they’re college students trying to figure it all out.</p>
<p>There are always clubs and service organizations that need people, especially to do the grunt work involved in big events. Read your student newspaper and you’ll see “volunteers needed” everywhere. If you show up and are reliable, people will be happy to include you.</p>
<p>This is an inspiring story: [The</a> Incredible Case Of The Bank Robber Who’s Now A Law Clerk : The Two-Way : NPR](<a href=“The Incredible Case Of The Bank Robber Who's Now A Law Clerk : The Two-Way : NPR”>The Incredible Case Of The Bank Robber Who's Now A Law Clerk : The Two-Way : NPR) Your offense was not probably as serious. You can succeed in college, too. Best of luck!</p>
<p>The experiences you are having are actually quite common, believe it or not, and some of the people who seem to be functioning well socially are actually not feeling that great either. Many freshmen feel lonely, have trouble with the dining hall situation, don’t find any help in a roommate, and so on. I understand that you have an extra reason to feel “different,” but on the surface, and in terms of the loneliness, you are not as different as you think.</p>
<p>I would suggest talking with someone at the school, like a counselor. All schools have counseling centers. Many many students do that and it does not reflect on your background. That said, transition from prison to college, like transition from the battlefield or from other contexts, can be really difficult. It can be hard having a part of your life that you don’t feel good about. It can make you feel like an impostor and make it a little harder to get close to people. Do you tell people, or do you not tell people? I think these are hard questions and that it would help to have an understanding ear. Maybe you already have someone, but a counselor at college would specifically help with adjustment to that environment and might have some practical suggestions for you, geared to that particular campus.</p>
<p>I am hoping that you like your classes and have good work to do. If not, that can also add to a feeling of alienation. Getting involved in something other than academics can also help. Do you have any desire to help young people, for instance (though sometimes it helps to get some distance and maturity, I understand). Are you artistic or musical? Do you want to volunteer or intern off campus? it’s fine if you don’t right now: things will develop.</p>
<p>It is still September. I have seen many kids who are, frankly, miserable, for the first fall of freshman year, and who talk about leaving all the way through winter break. But something often happens in the second half of this first year. It takes a lot of perseverance to wait for things to feel comfortable, but chances are the experiences you have had in life so far, however painful, have also built your character, and you are moving forward.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>You have turned your life around. You are out of prison now, you paid your dues. It is hard to move on but you need to be fair to yourself and look at this as a new start. College can be that for many reasons. It is a place to start fresh where no one knows your background or your past. Have fun, get to know other people and study hard. This is a wonderful chance for you to have a do over.</p>
<p>Join an intramural team, study in the library. Get a job. Etc. go to the gym and work out. </p>
<p>Things will get better over time. </p>
<p>My oldest hates despises cafeteria life and just never ate there. It reminded her of junior high and she just never got past that. You’d be surprised by the number of people who have cafeteria anxiety. There was a literary book of essays done on this not long ago. I wish I could remember the name. </p>
<p>Go do some volunteer work. Take up bike riding. </p>
<p>Good luck. There is every reason for you to feel good about improving your life, and of course your experience is a little bit stronger. This can be an asset.</p>
<p>OP, you’ve gotten a lot of really good advice. I agree with the poster who suggested counseling. Many students, whatever their background, have difficulty adjusting to college and it’s certainly understandable that you may be having a hard time. If you find that you can’t get over your difficulties, definitely take advantage of counseling opportunities; that’s what they are there for. They are bound by rules of confidentiality and can’t share what you say (unless, of course, the counselor thinks you are in immediate danger to yourself or others and can provide evidence). It’s a very different atmosphere than prison and the college’s advisors, counselors and therapists are there to help you, not to punish you.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>I’m going to address the anxiety issue. I’ll start with a story:</p>
<p>My son, a junior in college, is a good looking guy who’s always done well in school and is an all around good kid. He’s quiet in large crowds, but he’s got good friends, ones he’s had all his life and new ones he’s made in college. </p>
<p>After he graduated high school, he got a summer job taking tickets at a local cinema. He hated it. What’s more, he had so much anxiety. I’m not sure why. After summer, he went to college and did well.</p>
<p>The next summer, he got a different job working at a retail store. More anxiety. Son knew that I took medicine for anxiety (due to an illness and menopause, ect.). He decided to see the doctor, and was prescribed the same anti-anxiety medicine that I take. </p>
<p>It was a very mild dose of Buspar (generic: buspirone). The doctor explained some people have anxiety during transitions in their life. It’s what my son was going through and sounds like what you’re experiencing. The Buspar is non-addicting. My son took the medicine during the summer and then didn’t need it when he went back to college. Since then, he’s had two other jobs and didn’t have the anxiety that he had before. He was very happy that the Buspar helped him through a rough patch and he knows he can take it again if ever he needs to.</p>
<p>It is not an anti-depressant. I continue to take a small daily dose of buspar. I had tried all kinds of things like meditation tapes, prayer, exercise, ect. to relieve my anxiety. I know now that nothing was going to help in the way medicine does. It doesn’t make you tired, it does not change your personality. </p>
<p>At least consider it. My son believes he had anxiety throughout his early school years and thinks he could have been helped sooner in dealing with it. I just never knew there was medicine out there that could make such a difference until a couple years ago.</p>
<p>Stop thinking about yourself, and how you feel. Start thinking about other people. When you enter a room, look around and find someone who doesn’t have anyone to talk to. Go up to that person and make them feel better by starting a conversation. Life isn’t all about you</p>
<p>Very good advice!!!</p>
<p>I love the advice that has been given, particularly from CalAlum.</p>
<p>It also occurs to me that maybe you need some stock answers to questions you may be asked. Maybe you’re afraid to face the questions.</p>
<p>“Where did you go to high school?”, for instance, doesn’t require full disclosure that maybe you finished your degree in prison or that you got your GED because you were in trouble. It’s sufficient to say, “___ HS”. </p>
<p>“Did you go to your senior prom” = “No, did you?”</p>
<p>“What ECs did you do” = “Not much, how about you?”</p>
<p>“Did you have a girlfriend/boyfriend in HS?” = no, how about you?</p>
<p>rinse, repeat. </p>
<p>“Did you ever get in trouble in HS?” = some, but that’s behind me now. I’m more interested in my future than the past.</p>
<p>Etc.</p>
<p>First off, congrats to you for getting into college. You sound almost like every other freshman who is nervous, excited, stressed, lonely, uncertain, and feeling vulnerable as they go through such a huge transition in life. You have an additional story in your background that some others may not have, but you are definitely more similar than different! I agree with others that you should seek counseling, whether on your campus or through a public clinic in the area. I was even wondering if a group like AA could help, whether you have addiction in your past or not, some of their methods of support, regular meetings, sharing advice, etc, could be helpful?
I love the advice to get outside yourself and think about others. Join a volunteer organization on campus…is there a group that helps out at a local animal shelter, or youth center, or some such place? What about on campus clubs that might interest you? You need to give yourself time and opportunities to meet people and let them meet you too. Join a sport for fun, or just go work out at the same time every day…you’ll meet people that way too. Think of how you have changed over these past years, and what you have to offer to help others in some way. You will find other students/ and even professors who may share your goals or interests. Don’t be afraid to focus on a role model either. If there is a professor you like, ask if they need a student assistant, etc. It’s all about making connections…and that takes time. Good luck!</p>