Parent's I need your advice.

Parent Cafe
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<p>I’m a current high school senior, and my parents are going through this nasty divorce. Its so bad my mom put a restraining order against my dad in fear since he has a horrible temper. And I have no one to release to since I can be private, and I don’t feel comfortable talking to my guidance counselor. It feels like this came out of no where. Earlier this year I felt like I had a perfect life, and now I feel depressed and moody, I feel like crap. I’m truly worried because my dad wants to kick me and my mom out of the house, and we will have no where to go but the streets. My mother is a teacher, and most teachers don’t make enough to live in a big city like New York. So we will have to cut back. I was used to living a comfortable life and never having to worry. Now I have to worry about getting food to eat, and managing how to pay for college. This is my last year of high school, but the problem is I may not be able to finish it. I go to a private school, and we may not be able to afford it. Nothing is worse than not getting a diploma for not paying tuition. I just don’t know what to do, I feel like the whole world is crashing down on me. </p>

<p>Do you guys have any advice or anything to help me?</p>

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<p>My kids don’t attend a private high school; they attend an urban public high school. But we have a social worker on staff in addition to guidance counselors who deals with personal issues. Our guidance counselors deal with academic issues. Does your school have anyone like that on staff? You need to be able to speak to a qualified adult during this time.</p>

<p>If you have to withdraw from your private school, you might be able to transfer to a public school, or take a test to earn your GED. There are other ways to finish high school.</p>

<p>The important thing is to try to keep it in perspective. I know it feels your world as you’ve known it is coming to an end, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have a future where things will be okay.</p>

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<p>Go talk to the Principal/Head of your school. Today. Yesterday. As soon as possible. There are often emergency funds to cover the tuition of students in your situation.</p>

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<p>First of all you AND your mother should go to your school to have a discussion about your (first and foremost) emotional health, the availability of a scholarship (in every private school we have ever known there is a fund for emergencies such as yours), and how best your school and counselor can assist you in your college and life plans. I would be shocked if after attendence for…middle and high school, k through 12…a school would kick you out at this point. And, in all likelihood, your tuition has been paid in full since last June. (most private schools operate that way)</p>

<p>Teachers are not wealthy to be sure. But you can afford to live somewhere on a teacher’s salary. Perhaps not Park Avenue, but definitely someplace decent.</p>

<p>Just an observation: Your life wasn’t “perfect” before (you mention your father’s temper). Life is never perfect. Life changes and you will move on to a different, and yes, possibly better life.</p>

<p>Good luck to you and your family.</p>

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<p>Agree with all of those who said you need to go talk to someone at your school – not just about the tuition, but about you. No kid your age – hell, no kid any age – should have to deal with this on his own. You’re worried about your mom, you’re worried about your dad, and you’re are justified in being worried about yourself. There are lots of resources out there. A counselor at your school is the first place to go. Do it BEFORE the long weekend.</p>

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<p>Private school?Your parents had to have signed a contract agreeing to pay your tuition for the year. The school will hold them to it.</p>

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<p>Schmohawk (btw, my father used that word, made me smile); I think that the OP has a bit too much on their plate to use terms like, “the school will hold them”. Almost every private school has in place backup systems for this problem. On one hand, it is comforting to think that you won’t be kicked out. On the other hand, to feel that the school will keep you while making you uncomfortable, not good. </p>

<p>The tuition probably was paid. But in any case, OP seek out adults who can help you. Involve your mother. This is her job too.</p>

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<p>We had a sort of similar situation D1’s senior year, then I lost my job at the beginning of the recession. Our private school stepped up big time and helped us out for year with some financial aid until we were back on our feet. We had been there for many years, so that probably helped. But hopefully your school can do the same, especially because you are a senior. I remember another family who had two kids in the school who had a major job loss partway through the year, and the school helped them as well. Not sure what is going on with your college admissions, but you also need to make sure their financial aid offices are aware of the situation.</p>

<p>One of my kids is also super private. The other one could talk to her friends, but my quiet one didn’t want to do that. I think she found some help with online friends, it was easier for her to open up to people who didn’t know her family in person.</p>

<p>I can tell you, and my kids could tell you, that you will come out the other side of this and things will be okay. It takes a while to get separate living quarters, but that definitely cools down tempers a lot. And then when the divorce is final, that helps as well. Good luck… we will be thinking of you.</p>

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<p>Lots of good advice. In this economy the private schools have learned to address tution paymenbt challenges due to multiple reasons. They will hopefully work this out with you, as a soonto-be second =semester senior. Good luck! Does your mom teach at this school? There are ofter tuition waivers or discounts for faculty kids.</p>

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<p>Does your mom have family in the area that can help with such things as food and such since you’re also worried about that.</p>

<p>I’m confused. You say that your mom has a restraining order, but your dad wants to kick you out of the house. Are both parents living in the same house? Or did your dad move out and he wants you guys out so he can move back in?</p>

<p>If your dad makes a lot more money than your mom, your mom should be able to get some kind of spousal support since they’ve been married a long time.</p>

<p>Has your mom seen a lawyer?</p>

<p>Plus, don’t parents have to pay support til 21 in NY? If so, he can’t just cut you off.</p>

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<p>Biggest Dreamer: PLEASE see someone at school today. You do not want to be carrying this around with you over the long weekend.</p>

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<p>At my sons’ private schools, tuition was paid up front in full … or you used a payment plan. If you had a payment plan, you were required to have tuition insurance. Tuition insurance was optional if you paid in July. </p>

<p>OP – your tuition is likely covered. As the student, you may very well not be aware of the financial arrangements.</p>

<p>Good luck … and see your advisor and/or head of school TODAY!</p>

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<p>Our tuition insurance is optional (I do always purchase it). But I am not sure it would cover this situation. But it is worth checking on, too.</p>

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<p>Go go go… You need to talk to a teacher, a club sponsor, a principal, a headmaster, a guidance counselor, a friend’s parent, any adult you trust enough to let them give you a big hug and some good advice. </p>

<p>I can tell you this-- the most important mantra I had when I went through this was “you’re not always going to feel this way.” It gets better. I’m 28 and was in a similar situation, and while I bounced along the bottom for a while when my parents got a divorce, it didn’t last forever, and I turned out just fine… My mom is mentally ill and for a while, I was certain she was going to end up as a bag lady, wandering the streets. It was terrifying. I had panic attacks, it was hard to concentrate on even something as silly as folding laundry, chunks of my hair fell out. It’s hard to have faith in the future when you’re utterly consumed by the present.</p>

<p>Just do the next right thing, and take it minute by minute right now. Be incredibly kind to yourself. Go for walks, find someplace soundproof and scream your head off (if you have a car, park someplace where nobody’s going to think your nuts and scream all you want), take time to sit and breathe… Schoolwork will wait, burdens will be there for you to pick up again after you take a time out.</p>

<p>Think of the rest of your family, of your friends, of the people in your world around you. Would they, in a million years, let you go homeless and hungry? Would your school, and the caring people in your school, turn their backs on you and say, “whoops, too bad, we’re not going to lift a finger to help you”? I’m certain that there are people in all facets of your life who love you, and who will be more than happy to help carry you over this rough patch. Let them. Say “I need help right now.” It’s the toughest thing for an independent person to say, but it’s magical, what happens after you say it. These are the times that friends are made for, and these are the times where they won’t hesitate to spring into action to do anything they can to make things easier for you.</p>

<p>Don’t look quite so far down the road right now; the “maybes” will scare the hell out of you. If they happen, they happen… And it won’t be as bad as you think it will. They certainly won’t ALL happen, though. Concentrate right now on doing what you need to do, one step at a time. Look down at your feet, not up at how far you think you need to go. Take things only as they come; don’t be too concerned with rooting out every “maybe” and anticipating every possibility.</p>

<p>I’m so sorry that you’re hurting right now. Please keep us updated, and please treat yourself with the utmost of kindness right now-- it’s a hard thing, to grieve your parents’ divorce. Hugs to you.</p>

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<p>Tuition insurance details do vary. I had a friend whose H passed away midyear. Her D’s tuition at a private high school was already paid, and they’d purchased the tuition insurance. She received a surprise check from the school because of her husband’s death.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the support. The tuition was paid for this semester, my school allows you to pay each quarter. I didn’t have school yesterday when I wrote this, but I just remembered my school agreeing to cover tuition if something were to happen, but to only students in good academic standing. My mom will go this Monday to my school and talk it over with the dean. </p>

<p>My father was threatening to kick me and my mother out and to hurt her, my mom called her brother and told him what was going on. He suggested to get a restraining order so he won’t be able to kick us out and so my father can be as far away from us. My uncle has been helping us, and allowed us to stay in his home. Lately my father has changed and turned into this tyrant so we’ve been really scared. My mother will go to court for the divorce in a few weeks, I told my mother I have to go with her, because my father will make my mother look like the tyrant and not him. And I have to make sure she has a witness to support her. </p>

<p>Thank you again for your help. Since my uncle owns a three story apartment building, he offered an empty apartment for us to move in recently. So it looks like things will get better thankfully. This has caused me to be thankful for what I have more than ever.</p>

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<p>THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE. </p>

<p>I’m not up to date about exactly what happens now that NY had decided to permit no fault divorce. However, historically, NYS is one of the few states in the union that has required divorced fathers to pay a fair share of college tuition room and board. That rate is usually determined by the cost of tuition, room and board at a SUNY. So, i I were you, I’d suggest that your mom contact the Legal Referral Service of the City Bar association. (see nycbar.org. Check the site for the referral service._ If she doesn’t do it, you might want to do it yourself. The cost for the initial consultation is modest and you may get some advice as to what you can do re your dad paying for college. </p>

<p>I’ve no idea what your hs record is like, but…if it is good, get an application into CUNY Macaulay honors immediately. Add Cooper Union to your app list if your prospective major makes that reasonable. If you’re a good student, put in an app to Cornell ILR. Put apps into Baruch, Hunter, Queens, etc. just in case. Other possibilities --Fordham (gives a whopping discount to NYC residents who live at home…or at least it used to), Eugene Lang, SUNY Stony Brook (has a Manhattan campus). </p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>BD,
I’m so happy you and your mom have a place to live. Hopefully, other aspects of your life will work themselves out.</p>