<p>Surely there are neglectful, disinterested or toxic parents…and sometimes they have tough kids and sometimes they have great kids! </p>
<p>And then, plenty of people are so worried about their children feeling “good about themselves” (see the Dr. Phil reference) that they are unable/unwilling/unpracticed in drawing the line, setting limits, saying no, identifying issues and solving them. Many of these same parents want to be their child’s “friend”, thus leaving the child without an effective parent.</p>
<p>A very interesting article in recent Scientific American looked at the fallacy of “enhancing self esteem” in kids (in isolation) as a road to academic or other success.
True self esteem is built upon seeing oneself as genuinely achieving in something that matters to you, and from seeing yourself as an agent of positive change- as someone who can identify and solve your own problems and work to better yourself, and others.</p>
<p>Michael Thompson says that kids have great “built in crap detectors”…he’s right. Kids eventually see through the “atta boys” if there is nothing of substance that goes along with it. I just read a book of his “Pressured Kids” (or something like that) and while much of it was more of the same muchness, his final 2 chapters about “what matters” are valuable. Especially so, the part about what HS seniors need…</p>
<p>By the way, he was (I think still is) affiliated with Belmont Hill (the school with the C average from the Boston Globe). I think this lends particular interest to some of his insights, as do his own personal experiences as a parent.</p>