<p>My S is going to the opposite coast for college and has to be there during the last week of Aug. We will probably ship lots of stuff for him, and order stuff that can be delivered to him once he arrives there. At his school, you don’t actually move into your real dorm room until <em>after</em> the orientation week: you are housed temporarily and are expected to be part of an all-dorm “rush” during orientation week, then you put in for your preferred dorm and are told at the end of the week where you’ll actually be living for the year. (And yes, that means most students live out of a suitcase for a week and don’t unpack anything, or perhaps even store everything in the basement cages until move-in day.) By the time the students are assigned rooms (Labor Day weekend), their parents have already been back home for a week. (What a dumb system. Sigh.) My younger S has to start school on the last day of Parents Orientation (Aug. 29) and my H will be on a 3-month overseas assignment until probably October. H could try to get a “weekend pass” to come to the east coast from Europe if it’s worthwhile, but I’m unlikely to be able to go there, with younger S starting school meantime.</p>
<p>So that said, it sounds as if I’m superfluous anyway during this end-of-August orientation period. Is there anyone who’s dealt with just putting the kid on a plane and saying, “OK bye, have a great life.”? That seems so… sad somehow. </p>
<p>(PS: I’d also be interested to hear from anyone whose child has been thru this kind of a bizarre start to a freshman year.)</p>
<p>My BIL arrived at Case in a similar fashion many years ago. I believe the only negative effect was being bilked by the taxi driver, LOL. If your son takes the T he should be fine!</p>
<p>This only addresses the “stuff” isssue, not really the “Bye, have a great life issue”, but… you could plan for son to just take enough stuff to get rolling, and figure you’ll bring stuff, or go out once there and buy stuff, during family week-end in October.</p>
<p>My advice would be to truly plan and pack around the given of living out of a suitcase for a week. Not unlike going to camp. View it as an adventure and also an opportunity to try on roomates before committing. Not a bad option in some ways. I would encourage you to have his stuff planned for arrival after Labor Day…or even send him off the week before for orientation and you go out for Labor Day weekend. Then he will have his assignment and you can go and shop for the toiletries and lamp and other associated items. </p>
<p>Nesting for our kids going off to college is a fun, fun pastime. But, it is an industry that is out of control…and showing up on day one with everything you need is absurd. It is actually a much better growth experience for the kids to stumble on what they don’t have and get it when they need it. Believe me when I say that I fell into the hunting and gathering trap last year. It is not necessary, though it is fun. </p>
<p>I definitely was on top of the lists last year…and my son laughed at some of my purchases. He ended up in a very small room and the boys were such slobs that having anything extra was just more clutter. There are usually buses or other parents that will have cars that can offer quick jaunts to the super markets as needed to get last minute items. Also not a bad idea to mail a few packages each week after he arrives, extra shoes, soap etc are not necessarily urgent come day one but will be well received if packaged with some bags of candy or local newspapers!! </p>
<p>So, given the constraints around the actual room assignments etc, just try and reset the target move in date to after Labor Day is my advice.</p>
<p>mootmom, my parents put me on a plane by myself. A friend that I had grown up with who had moved to Mass picked me up at Logan and brought me to my dorm. After schlepping suitcases up stairs, he took off.</p>
<p>It was fine, better than fine, great! I was the coolest one in the dorm, being delivered by a hot 20 year old guy instead of my embarrassing parents …</p>
Yeah, I half suspect that “Whew!” thought will be going through my S’s mind regularly that weekend when he is in the minority without parental units hanging around… ;)</p>
<p>Thanks for the thoughts, folks. (texas137, are <em>you</em> going out for orientation? I’m thinking waiting for Oct. Parents Weekend is a pretty good idea after all…)</p>
<p>Mootmom, I have a younger kid who I sent away farther, for a longer initial period of time than a typical college semester-- my d. who went overseas for a 4-month foreign exchange. So it’s not “bye, have a wonderful life”… just “bye, have a wonderful time”. They do come back. If your son has flown alone before, it really shouldn’t be a problem – except for you. (You’ll get over it, too… but it’s hard the first time around. Your house seems very empty for awhile, like its missing an integral part of what made it “home”.). </p>
<p>The main thing to keep in mind is that airports are a mess and you can’t go past security – and while my traveling daughter was happy to give me a big hug goodbye, sons tend not to like the mushy stuff in public places. So the time for the goodbyes is at home – go out to a farewell dinner the night before, just for family. Expect a mess at the airport - long lines, etc. – so don’t plan on doing much beyond helping with the bags there. </p>
<p>Insist that your son call you once he has arrived safely on campus - so you won’t worry – or, if he’s got a cell phone, you can plan to call him. You can use online flight tracking to know when the plane has safely landed – but you’ll have no way of knowing when he gets to campus unless he calls. Other than that, don’t expect to hear from him during the O-week – he’ll be busy and engaged with other students, calling home will be the last thing on his mind. But you might talk in advance about how frequently you would like him to call you - or he would like you to call him - it kind of depends on personality and style, and whether he’s got a cell phone. </p>
<p>Plan stuff to keep YOU busy that week - lunch with an old friend, a museum exhibit you wanted to see… anything – so you don’t give yourself time to sit around and obsess over worrying about your son. Your son will do great - as crazy as his school sounds, they will be keeping him busy and occupied, and that system may actually be a better way of getting kids integrated and ensuring roommate compatability. So it’s really the mom that needs help adjusting.</p>
<p>In an attempt to dissuade me from accepting a place off a waitlist, my parents told me that I’d have to pack myself, find my own ride and get myself to the school–1100 miles away. I went right over all those obstacles. They fretted about about me being in a car with a man “we don’t know” for 15 hours, haha. Then, as other girls arrived with Louis Vuitton Steamer trunks in the back of their red Merc convertibles, I dragged my 30 year old trunk up the limestone stairs of the dorm–where it exploded.</p>
<p>Nonetheless, I threw my stuff in the room and took off exploring and it was a great start. I have to say I wasn’t impressed by all the parents lingering around the dorm floor. </p>
<p>When my 17 year old son went to Africa on Gap Year, I had the brilliant idea that my DH should drop him off so that the two of them could spend a few days in Kenya together. ( I read far too much fiction). Within 15 hours, S had dumped DH and decamped to safari grounds with other Gappers. DH wandered around Kenya for a few days and came home, none too happy with moi and moi big ideas.</p>
<p>In September, we put S on a plane with 64 kilos of gear and he flew 9300 miles to university.</p>
<p>My S had the same thing. I helped him pack, so that flight bag had enough supplies and clothes for a week. The suitcase had the extra linens and clothes. He was happy to travel light, and laundry and cleaning are not his priorities. brought out other stuff on parent’s weekend</p>
…</p>