<p>" A Swedish couple’s decision to keep their toddler’s gender a secret is stirring debate, especially now that the parents are expecting a second child.</p>
<p>“Pop” is 2 ½ years old, but so far only those who change the child’s diapers know whether the youngster is a boy or a girl, TheLocal.se, an English-language site for Swedish news, said last week.Back in March, the parents gave an interview to the Svenska Dagbladet newspaper, saying they decided not to reveal their child’s sex because they believe gender is a social construction.</p>
<p>“We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mold from the outset,” said the childs mother, “Nora.” (The paper used fake names for the entire family to protect their privacy.)
“It’s cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead,” the mother said…</p>
<p>oh god- I was never so militant about it, but I admit I thought it was social conditioning too.
But considering my daughter and her best friend made skirts and houses for their matchbox cars- I opened my mind.
you can encourage your children not to link attributes and interests to sex without trying to neuter them.</p>
<p>Goodness, I must have been trying to keep my baby’s gender secret when I dressed her in boys’ onesies and pink hats :D. They were hand me downs from our friends, and that’s all we could afford as a young family living on one postdoc’s salary.</p>
<p>I remember hearing a story along these lines at Girl Scout camp one time. I think it’s a really interesting idea, and I wonder how long this couple will continue to keep the gender a secret. Impossible after secondary sex characteristics are established, but it will be interesting to see how the child reacts once it is school age.</p>
<p>it isnt going to take that long.
I expect they will teach the child proper names for body parts and " down there" isn’t too anatomically correct.
( and if they are 30 months old, shouldn’t they be potty trained pretty soon? )</p>
<p>I am fortunate that I had both a boy & girl. They are two years apart & played well with each other’s toys for many years. S even wanted his nails painted, so we used clear polish. They both had parties with their stuffed animals. Both wrestled, played with blocks, swords, computers, origami, videogames, loved books & theater, math & science. D would wear lace dresses with shorts to try out for basketball and soccer. S is a good cook & D is hoping to improve.</p>
<p>My sister had only 3 girls & brother has 2 girls & both had only “girl” toys for their girls. My other sister has 3 boys and has only “boy” toys for her 3 boys. My brother has 2 boys & 2 girls & tons of all kinds of toys; they all gravitate toward the “boy toys.”</p>
<p>The only potential problem I can see with this is that if the parents are using gender neutral pronouns they could unintentionally objectify the child.</p>
<p>“Pop” can definitely be seen as a masculine name as well. I can see a lot of landmines with this and it is something we discussed back in my sociology classes back in the 70s, when the Earth was young.</p>
<p>Hey, this was a fictional short story in one of the early issues of Ms. magazine! A family has a child, named X. The parents dress the kid in overalls, give X dolls and trucks. Child gets to kindergarten, gets to use the teachers’ restroom. IIRC, some brouhaha with other children’s parents over not knowing if X was a girl or a boy. All the other children say they don’t care, they just like playing with X, why can’t we all just get along? (whoops, that’s an anachronism ). At the end of the story, we find out that X’s parents have just had a new baby. X announces that it’s a Y. </p>
<p>HImom, odd that so many of your siblings didn’t buy a variety of types of toys. Don’t kids just get some of everything? When you see little ones at play in preschool, there are boys dressing up in swirly skirts and girls pushing sand around with dump trucks.</p>
<p>There is enough literature out there supporting the biology of gender identification. Case studies of children gender misidentified who later had problems due to it (eg a botched circumcision boy with additional surgery raised as a girl). As much as I support women’s lib and gender equality I have to admit the scientific evidence is there to support differences between the sexes- more biological chemistry than anatomy. Think of sex hormones’ actions on the brain- some have more/less of those associated primarily with either gender. Parents are best off optimizing equal opportunites, not denying gender.</p>
<p>My sibblings were very clear and horrified that I would think of giving their child a present that they didn’t think was not perfectly appropriate to gender (I thought it very odd). Both my kids have always liked many of the same toys–trucks, blocks, stuffed animals (neither had much use for or interest in dolls), both liked dressing up in capes with swords and shields (tho not too interested in guns–other than water guns & super soakers), tho they don’t mind “shooting” video games. My sibs always considered me odd for prefering “gender neutral” colors. My D has always favored blue, tho she liked wearing dresses because she would get offended that people would assume she was a boy because she had fine, thin hair that was short (didn’t grow very quickly). I let the kids choose their clothing and toys from as soon as they showed any inclination.</p>
<p>As far as toys, both my kids mostly prefered “boy” toys (D loved trucks, blocks, etc. Found dolls, especially baby dolls, to be way too much responsibility). She hated dresses or anything frilly. My S did have a “waiter” set with toy food and table settings which was one of his favs, when he wasn’t ghostbusting, ninja turtling, or playing sports. And I sometimes put “pink” handmedowns on him when no one was looking.</p>
<p>We didn’t know ahead of time whether our first was going to be a D or S, and got a fair amount of “gender nuetral” clothing (yellow, green, white, etc.). It turned out to be a D - - but I noticed when I took her out in the stroller that people HAD to know what gender the baby was before they would speak to her. I found it fascinating (Anthropology was one of my favorite college classes!), and sometimes I tried to avoid telling people to see what they would do. I think there is some really deep need to know this information, people really would avoid communicating with the baby until they knew.</p>
<p>It’s funny how people make assumptions. When my son was a baby, he had gorgeous curly hair. At least 75% of the time, regardless of what he was wearing (we knew ahead of time he was a boy, so we had very few gender neutral clothes), people would tell me what a beautiful baby girl I had. In the beginning I would correct them, but after awhile, I just thanked them and moved on. I remember one elderly lady who asked me how I got my baby girl to keep curlers in her hair at night.</p>
). At the end of the story, we find out that X’s parents have just had a new baby. X announces that it’s a Y. </p>