<p>Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse for me, my mom comes in and tells me that I will have to repeat the same horrible experience that I posted about regarding racing and the smoking, drinking rednecks. I am being forced to go, and they will not pay me for the experience, saying that I must help out my family. My family is doing this to “get you used to loud noises” and because there has been talk that I cannot be by myself overnight, even though I am 21. What am I supposed to tell them? I keep saying that I do not want to go, but they said “too bad”. I feel that I will have a mental breakdown if I go again, because I almost had one the last time I went.</p>
<p>I’m sorry to keep posting, but I do not know who to turn to besides these people who are forcing me to go racing.</p>
<p>I’ve been to a few local short track races on a Friday night. I think they are pretty fun.</p>
<p>But, I wouldn’t go near the place without a good pair of ear plugs. Stop by your local pharmacy and pick up some good foam ear plugs. I prefer the Howard Leight MAX brand, myself. They are orange. </p>
<p>Trust me, you don’t have to have Aspergers to be driven up the wall by the noise level without hearing protection!</p>
<p>interesteddad, you are saying that I should just deal with the situation? I should go and probably have a nervous breakdown? I tried earplugs and they barely did anything. I was still screaming over and over again in my mind. What am I supposed to do?</p>
<p>bioengineer: Don’t go. You are 21 and are free to tell your parents you refuse to go. You can choose how you want to learn to adjust to loud noises. I understand that being in that environment must be a living hell for you.</p>
<p>The problem is: they are completely financially supporting me. They are my bosses at work. They are the ones who give me any opportunity in engineering in my limited home region. They are the ones who pay my salary. They are the ones who pay my benefits (company car, full car expenses, full health coverage, full tuition reimbursement, among other things). How do I tell my bosses no? I might lose my job and have to work more menial jobs for more hours per week if I do not do what they say. They sign my paycheck. I do want to tell them no. But can I? And how? That’s my question.</p>
<p>No. Unfortunately, I don’t feel even remotely qualified to offer you advice. I don’t understand the dynamic going on between you and your parents.</p>
<p>I was simply offering a practical suggestion, on the odd chance that you did not have hearing protection. I personally wouldn’t go near a racetrack without earplugs. Heck, I won’t mow the lawn without earplugs.</p>
<p>I’m not sure anyone here is “remotely qualified to offer you advice.” This is one reason I supplied the link in post #2. I suggest you contact someone listed on that link for help.</p>
<p>I would go to an Asperger’s support group; however, none are available in my area, and I did try going to mental health professionals, but they did not help me at all. Sigh, that is why I come here, because I do not know what else to do to get help. Nobody is supporting me in real life.</p>
<p>Bioengineer, I have not read all of your threads but I know you are dealing with some difficult things right now and have Aspergers as well. I will tell you off the bat that I know NOTHING about Aspergers and am NOT QUALIFIED to truly help you here. Frankly, I do not believe anyone on this forum is qualified to help you in the way that you truly need. Yet I know that the parents here feel for you and know that you are turning for help here and they don’t want to NOT HELP but they do not truly know how to help you. I think I likely speak for many caring parents here in urging you to seek a therapist trained with Aspergers. You are reaching out for help and that is a great thing…but you need to get the help from someone who is trained to help you. You have the first step down which is “I need help. I need to turn to a third party…(not my parents).” That third party needs to be a professional. Also there must be support groups for Aspergers. I think someone gave you a link and I urge you to even research further resources online and in your community. We don’t want to leave you hanging here and yet we know that you need way more than we can provide you. We’d love to have you check in and let us know how you are doing but we really want you to get the help you are seeking because we care. </p>
<p>Since I am not knowledgeable about Asperger’s, I can’t say what you should do in this particular situation with what I gather is a car race your parents want you to attend with them? If you were any other 21 year old, I would say that you need to make decisions for yourself about this sort of thing. I understand your point that your parents are supporting you financially and in every other way right now but that does not mean you have no freedom to make some decisions for yourself. What I would think in many other kids’ situations is if the kid says, no I don’t want to go because I feel absolutely horrible in that environment and I propose that I do such and such instead and this is what I am going to do…that parents are not all of a sudden going to say, “we are no longer gonna pay your tuition or health insurance, etc.” Rather, I think a disagreement would ensue and many 21 year olds would do what they pleased in this case or a compromise solution would be worked out. But in YOUR case, I am simply not clear…you are not allowed to stay home alone? You must do some things on your own cause you go to college, no? Can you propose a friend come over so you are not alone? In other words, figure out the issue that concerns them and work it out. But my advice may not be appropriate in YOUR situation because I understand you have Aspergers and I have no idea what that involves so that is why I think you would benefit greatly by talking to an expert therapist so that you can deal with these issues and your parents. Perhaps a therapist WITH your parents for some sessions to work out these situations like the car race event might also help. You really need someone to help you manage with these problems and issues and we want to help but we really can’t, not in the way you really need. </p>
<p>Please please find a therapist or specialist (you don’t need your parents’ permission to do that) and start with a support group that can steer you to the appropriate resources for a young adult with this disability. </p>
<p>While the parents here are very caring people and would love to help you with your concerns, they really don’t know enough about your specific needs to do so appropriately. So promise me you will find a specialist to talk to, ok? And check back in here and let us know how that is going! </p>
<p>That, I believe, is your best option right now. That specialist can advise you and might even be able to talk with your parents on your behalf and advocate for you in situations like this. Good luck!
Susan</p>
<p>I just thought of another thing. You are turning to a message board here and that is great. But it is not a message board for these issues, as it is meant to be for college admissions and selection issues. But there ARE message boards out there where you can pose these questions and these boards will help you because they ARE for Aspergers. I just found one online. </p>
<p>Go here and sign up to use their message board and pose the questions you have here and get advice from those who are very familiar with Aspergers and how to help…other young adults and parents. That is what you deserve…a message board that really is just right for what YOU NEED. </p>
<p>Take a look at this one: (go to this site and click on “message boards” and sign up to use it):</p>
<p>I am closing this thread because this is a message board geared to issues related to the college selection and admissions process. We appreciate your need to seek help and we have left up some posts for you that will lead you to both resources in your area as well as message boards online because we want to help. We just are not the right message board to provide the help you are seeking. We hope you will seek the appropriate advice by professionals in your area and with message boards geared to Aspergers. Thank you everyone who has tried to help. You are a caring group.
CollegeMom</p>