Yes, the usual thought for traditional (i.e. right out of high school) college students is that going to college with your SO only makes sense if you would choose that college anyway in the absence of any relationship.
For some non-traditional students, the constraints relating to one’s SO might be more limiting.
There are ALWAYS the woulda, coulda, shouldas that happen in life and it’s alot easier to live with if the decisions are your own and not because you feel that way because of a decision someone else made for you. The best thing right now is for HIM to make the decision to stay or go if he has the transcript that might get him somewhere else.
Wow, that Cornell ship sailed 2 1/2 years ago,everyone should long be over it that he choose another school. Don’t worry, he will get over the breakup with a little time, like we all do. This seems more about that. If picking UCSC seemed a good idea at the time everyone knew you were going to live with that decision. Hindsight is 20/20. Fortunately his is in an area where new boyfriends won’t be scarce (Bay Area adjacent.)
I hate to say but can’t help wondering who pays OOS prices when it is much more expensive?.But UCSC is a good school and a nice place to go to college, no harm done in that respect.
If he’s a junior he shouldn’t need much help figuring out what to do. If you are willing to pay for him to spend 2 years elsewhere then tell him that and let him decide what to do.
Personally I would not be willing to pay for him to spend more time in school unless it was a much cheaper school (thus costing me the same or less overall). But that’s up to you. But really if the kid is halfway through his junior year he shouldn’t need a lot of help figuring out transfer options if he goes that route.
For a number of good reasons, I transferred schools in the middle of my junior year. It’s possible. It may take a bit of extra time and/or some extra classes, but if he would prefer a Cornell degree and the money works, it’s not necessarily too late.
Unless there is a major threat to his health or well-being, stalker issues, major depression, etc, why not just finish out UG at his current school, and if his grade are good enough and he is interested in moving forward with further education, look to Cornell or a similar school for graduate/professional school?
The exes are midway through their junior year? That means they were together 3 years? That’s a pretty nice ride for 17, 18 year old boys. If the boy has been happy at UCSC for the last two years, and only now has started complaining because he could have gone to Cornell!, that’s just drama. Do you or your son think no one ever breaks up at Santa Cruz? Plenty of exes walking around on campus. Your child needs to calm down (and hopefully he will). Suddenly transferring to another school after ones junior year due to a break up is running away from a problem.
Especially when the school is reasonably large (as UCSC is), so the ex-SOs will likely not ever encounter each other again, unless possibly they are in the same major or otherwise will be taking many of the same courses in the same quarters (UCSC is a quarter system school; looks like they have completed 7 out of the usual 12 quarters).
Tell him it is 16° F here in the Ithaca area right now.
If the guys were still together in Santa Cruz, the son still ‘gave up’ Cornell. That decision was made and it’s over. You cant blame choosing UCSC or Cornell on the breakup. It’s pointless to think where the road not taken would have gone. Can’t get that decision back.
Cornell does have grad schools, so that’s always a possibility.
This thread seems odd. They were together for over 2 years at their college. If he transferred and found a new SO and broke up, then what? Is he supposed to transfer again???
or what if he had gone to Cornell and started a new relationship there and broke up…would you now be saying that he should have gone to this UC?
Unless he and his SO are in the same major and taking the same classs/sections, they probably don’t need to hardly see each other.
I really can’t make much sense of this. UC Santa Cruz is a more-than-fine university; excellent, in fact. The location is also prime for a lot of students. If your son’s only problem is a recent breakup, then I’d say that he’s having a great time there. No need to transfer at all.
If your child is changing schools due to a breakup, this indicates a much bigger issue.
Tell him to get another girlfriend at UCSC. Problem solved.
BF/GFs are like trains, one leaves and there is another one right behind it.
The Cornell ship has sailed.
Since it doesn’t sound like finances are an issue in your family, nor will your child take the good advice that you provided, if I were you, I’d probably just go out and buy some Grey Goose and mix up a strong martini.
Just let him know you’ll always be there for him (regardless of his stubbornness).
It was a boyfriend, oldfort, which makes your analogy unintentionally humorous. And finding another one is perhaps easier said than done, given the statistics.
His odds might be better eventually if he is a CS major who goes to work in the region (San Francisco / San Jose area) after graduation.
how is the UC more than Cornell if the ivies don’t provide merit?
And at this point as a transfer schools typically give even less so for a less expensive option he would need to go in state
It’s normal in a breakup to talk about what you sacrificed for the sake of the relationship. Let him vent.
I strenuously disagree, as a proper martini is made with gin, not vodka. L-)