<p>I have gone through the college decision with two boys already who both went
out of state without a care. Daughter had always wanted to go away for the adventure
and didn’t want to spend the next four years with “kids from her high school” but all of sudden two of her closest friends are rooming together at a in state college. I know she
would regret staying here to be with friends. Any advice? (These girls are so much more emotional than the boys)</p>
<p>Not all girls. My girl wanted NYC, went to school in NYC and is in law school in NYC. Friends not a factor.</p>
<p>Best advice is to let each child steer his/her own boat without judgment. There are so many paths that work. We’re just the safety net. I really like Paul Simon, “You have to learn to fall before you learn to fly, learn how to fall.”</p>
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<p>Great advice. I would add that what kids say they want at the beginning of the process and what they ultimately decide to do are often miles apart. In my son’s group of 12 boys - they all said they wanted to go out of state - only 2 did and one of those was pushed by his parents.</p>
<p>I made my son apply to several in state schools in case he changed his mind about going far, far away. He did (when he realized all his friends were staying in state at a variety of schools)and is happily finishing his first semester at our state university (where he is in our state’s prestigious honors college and rooming with his best friend from hs). He now can’t imagine what he was thinking when he originally applied to a bunch of out of state schools. Feelings change and as parents we have to go with the flow and trust our kids to make the right choice for themselves.</p>
<p>My oldest didn’t want to look at schools on east coast ( we live on west)- she took a year off after being admitted to all she had applied to, and was accepted to her reach school- has been living in that city now four years after graduation.</p>
<p>Youngest also took a year off, some of her high school friends, went to schools on east coast, some took a year off to volunteer/travel, as she did. As far as I know while there are people from her * high school* at her university, that isn’t her circle of friends and I think college is time to spread your wings- not overly anticipate what they might think- cause I don’t think we can predict that.</p>
<p>If your daughter has wanted to go away to school- has she said something to make you think she changed her mind?</p>
<p>One of my favorite quotes: When you come to the edge of all the light you know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.</p>
<p>Maybe your D is getting a bit of cold feet. Probably that’s normal, but she shouldn’t give up her previous dream that easily or for trivial reasons.</p>
<p>I would have her apply to both instate and oos schools. That way she will have all her bases covered. What she wants in Nov. might not be what she wants in May. Maybe wanting adventure far away sounded great to her when it seemed so far away but now that it’s really close, it doesn’t sound as appealing. Let her decide. </p>
<p>Both my kids stayed instate at state u’s. Their roommates are friends from h.s. but they also made lots of friends from all over.</p>
<p>There’s this mythology (sorry mythmom) that there is this “perfect” college experience waiting out there for our children, that they will apply to schools and find the “right one” and go off and be happy all the time.</p>
<p>What will really happen, regardless of where they go (though I’m a big believer in “fit”) is that your daughter will go to college and she will have some good days and some great days and some bad days and she’ll study and change and grow (even if she lives with her best friend from high school, which may or may not be a mistake)… </p>
<p>There is no way to avoid all the pitfalls. Go too far from home and they can’t get home when they are homesick. Go too close to home and they can’t escape the hometown honey. Move in with best friend, lose best friend, don’t branch out, or, conversely, have somebody to go to all the “firsts” with. Who knows.</p>
<p>The only thing I know for sure is this: if you interfere with your kids’ choice of school, every time they are unhappy, or things are not working out, it will be YOUR fault. All the “what ifs…” and “if only’s…” will be laid directly at your feet. YMMV</p>
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<p>Same with my two girls, except substitute New England for New York.</p>
<p>As long as the college is academically suitable, I think the student should be allowed to make the decision about distance (which usually also includes the likelihood of being on campus with people she already knows).</p>
<p>Sometimes they’re comfortable with going far away; sometimes they’re not. Sometimes the same student feels differently at different times.</p>
<p>My son, who insisted on attending our state university (less than an hour from home), at least in part because he was uncomfortable going far away at 18, decided at 22 to attend graduate school on the opposite side of the country, even though he had options closer to home. </p>
<p>My daughter, who quite happily went to a college far from home, will be returning to our metropolitan area after graduation because she has a good job lined up here. She didn’t choose the job because of the location, but the location wasn’t a negative factor, either, and she will likely be living somewhere within a 90-minute drive from where she started. </p>
<p>Different strokes for different folks, and sometimes for the same folks at different times.</p>