<p>I thought this was interesting, particularly in light of the discussion on big/small families. What do you consider to be overindulgence? What is necessary for kids? Sports equipment? Singing lessons? School trips?</p>
<p>"Budgeting for kids has never been as predictable as accounting for monthly retirement savings or credit card payments. But it’s become more challenging as kids juggle pricey extracurricular activities and hanker for high-tech gadgets. Increasingly, they’re also bombarded with marketing pitches for the coolest sneakers or jeans.</p>
<p>Last year, a middle-income family spent an average of $190,980 to feed, house, clothe and entertain a child from birth until age 18, with the preteen and teenage years taking the heaviest toll, according to the U.S. Agriculture Department. The more money a family has, the more it tends to spend on kids.</p>
<p>“When I was growing up,” Eleanor Hugus says, “parents were saving for college,” not for kids’ daily activities.</p>
<p>Finding a balance isn’t easy. Should you limit spending on kids and instead sock more money in retirement or college savings plans? Or better to give them every advantage - from music lessons to sports training - you didn’t have at their age? What is a necessity? An indulgence? How exactly, in other words, do you set limits?"</p>
<p>That is a hard question to answer easily. When my oldest was 10 years old, if you had told me how much money we would end up spending on him I would have told you you were crazy. There was no way we would do that. What changed? At 10 he started studying the cello. Turns out he is an exceptionally talented and passionate musician. Over time we realized that he would not reach his potential without a pretty hefty investment on our part in lessons, summer music programs, and equipment. He worked very hard and really dragged us along on his musical journey. </p>
<p>He has 2 younger brothers. They see older brother going away to fancy summer music program and want to pursue their own interests in the summer. So how do you tell them that it is ok for the older brother to go away to camp for 6 weeks to pursue his passion, but not them? (Sorry Kid, we spent all the money on your brother… ) And again, once older brother heads off to private music conservatory, you can’t tell the other 2 that they have to go to state schools. </p>
<p>I guess we always justified our expenditures by spending it on experiences rather than things for the most part. They never had their own computers until they went to college, no personal cell phones, no TVs in their rooms, no designer clothes, no cars, etc. We spent money on things that further their educational or personal development. We must have done something right because 3 have 3 terrific sons! On side advantage has been that it has actually be a bit easier to pay tution. When I added up all that we were spending for oldest on summer camp, lessons, and other music experiences, it was a very nice chunk of change that was directly converted to tuition. Although we weren’t saving much, we were spending the money on the kid already. Obviously that did not cover our EFC but it helped significantly. Since the money was already earmarked for the child and not going toward other lifestyle choices, it was not as difficult financially.</p>
<p>Shennie, my situation is somewhat similar to yours, since I am raising a talented musician as well, who has not one, but two instruments, with accompanying lessons, rehearsals, travel, camps, etcetcetc. </p>
<p>We spend a frightful amount of time and money nurturing that talent, but don’t regret it for a second. He doesn’t have fancy clothing, expensive electronics (unless he buys them himself), etc. And most of all, I know he appreciates what we do for him, and never acts entitled or like he is owed these extras. In fact, we did ask that he pay a week towards a summer program he is doing, and he gladly agreed.</p>
<p>I don’t know if I would feel any differently if my kid’s passion was field hockey or writing. I’d probably still do whatever I could financially to support it.</p>
<p>We, like above posters, have spent a good deal of money on experiences for our children. All did work from age 16 on, but we covered activities that we deemed positive. Everything adds up! Oldest was probably the cheapest with AAU basketball-much of expense covered with fundraising. Along came D. who tried many activities, but fell in love with horses–so first lessons, then purchase and board, camps and now is majoring in equine science. Youngest did the travel soccer thing. No, none of these acivities (except maybe the horses) was going to lead to a career, but we spent tons of time with the kids and they were kept busy and out of trouble due to too much idle time. They also learned about work ethics, committments, team work and met kids from all walks of life. Some of my “best” talks were in the car with a child enroute to a horse show or ball game.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t restrict this to teenagers! I have two boys, 7 and 13, and we’ve spent a small fortune on lessons and activities (but little on gadgets and other things, like most of you). Cool jeans and sneakers are not even on my boys’ radar screens. I get all their clothes from Lands End and sneakers from Stride-Rite. My older son outgrew Stride-Rite a few years ago, but we keep buying the same Asics shoe in ever-increasing sizes (he just went from youth to men’s!) as he grows. I’m happy if they don’t have mud on their clothes or holes at their knees. They couldn’t care less about cleanliness, let alone fashion. </p>
<p>I’ve been astounded at how much lessons and enriching activities cost. We had to buy a piano this year for the younger one, who seems to show some promise. I try to strike a balance between saving for their future and buying them things now that will help their physical, intellectual, and spiritual development. I’m a firm believer in keeping kids involved in productive activities.</p>
) And again, once older brother heads off to private music conservatory, you can’t tell the other 2 that they have to go to state schools. </p>