<p>Had a brief but heartbreaking phone conversation with Son yesterday as I was driving home from work and he was driving to pick up his GF. “How can I have a better relationship with Dad?” All the kids seek out special time with me, each child and I have speical things we do together…not so with their dad. H has the same relationship with his kids as his dad had with him…hard not to repeat your own parenting.</p>
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Exactly the same situation here, except it is H who realizes something is missing in his relationship with our Ds. That is heartbreaking in its own way.</p>
<p>I check in here once in a while to see how you all are doing. All of your stories brought back such a flood of emotions and memories of leaving D at college three years ago. It was so difficult because she was not settling in well and didn’t want me to go. She was crying, but I held it together until I drove away and turned the corner. Then I had to pull over because I couldn’t see through my tears. </p>
<p>She eventually did settle in and make friends, although the first year was a rocky one for both of us. It has now been three years, and she is doing wonderfully and has a great life there. </p>
<p>I wonder how things will go when we drop S off, wherever he may end up, next fall.</p>
<p>Many hugs to all of you going through this now. I’m glad we have this wonderful supportive place we can come and commiserate. :)</p>
<p>Two more days at our house. I wonder how Jolynne’s move-in went - we are headed to the same place. This is so different than the first time for us. I’m so happy for him, not sad like for DD. Are you back Jolynne?</p>
<p>Jolynne, NM, (and Jerseymom), congrats on the launchings! </p>
<p>I have to admit though again, reading 4 days or 7 days, etc. is making my feel a bit overwhelmed. We are officially at 14 days here. </p>
<p>D is starting to say goodbyes to some friends that leave earlier. </p>
<p>Just returned from a very brief getaway to a nearby city. (H had lots of reward points saved for the hotel.) Lots of fun, but I did feel a bit guilty that I was cranky yesterday. As D and I were browsing through a favorite store, I said something like this will be the last time we do this for awhile. I’ll miss heading up here for a day of shopping with you. She said, “Oh, Mom! You can call and pick me up. I’ll still go with you.” </p>
<p>I needed to leave earlier than the rest of the family because of a work commitment. Until I read missypie’s post, “How can I have a better relationship” I felt a bit sorry about it. Missy–your post reminded me that my children have always loved the special time they spend with DH without me around. It’s good they get to do that today. </p>
<p>I’ll admit to a few tears as I drove back alone today. </p>
<p>I’ve been telling DH for about a year we need to come up with a new hobby. Younger S will be out the door in 3 short years. I think we can come up with something in 3 years.</p>
<p>16 more days til the drop off. Any tips on how to keep my composure after drop off…at least until out of site? I dont want her to worry about Mom, yet I am super emotional and am tearing up reading your posts… Any tips? thanks :-)</p>
<p>chepsi, I feel the same way. I didn’t feel this way when my son went to school but now that the house will be empty I just don’t know. I think since my D and I are so close it is that much harder. I am feeling so badly for her right now- best friend for several years is suddenly freezing her out- don’t know how else to describe it. I wish I could give you some tips–maybe have something scheduled to look forward to after drop off? Listening to music in the car that you like? Reading a book that isn’t the Fiske Guide to Colleges?</p>
<p>Thanks sabaray. Sorry about your daughter and her friend, that sounds terrible. I hope, everything will work out! Good idea to schedule something after drop off. It is just going to really hard, she is my best friend…</p>
<p>I wish I could offer a fool-proof tip. I still don’t quite know how we managed not to weep in front of her when we left D. I know that what I was <em>trying</em> to do was focus on the fact that it was my job as one of the grownups to make sure she didn’t have “oh no, mom’s crying” on her plate along with everything else.</p>
<p>I actually think it does help to pre-mourn a bit. </p>
<p>Also, and I think others who have done one drop-off (or more) already will back me up on this: It can be good to prepare yourself for the possibility that the actual last good-bye will be a very hasty thing - if you’re lucky, your kid could get caught up in a great conversation, and just give you a cheerful wave. It also can happen that everybody gets testy and grouchy and the good-bye is abrupt and less cheerful. Or the room is full of the roommate’s family and after pleasant greetings, everyone just wishes everyone else would go away. . . . </p>
<p>In all of those cases, obviously it helps to remember that our kids are even more tightly wound than we are. <em>We</em> know that actual pangs of parting aside, they’ll have so much going on that they really won’t have much time to mourn our departure, but they don’t really get that yet. </p>
<p>Finally, I think it helped me to set the bar very, very low: My goal was, Just don’t cry in front of her or her roommate. I was proud of myself when I actually made it off the hall, out of the dorm, and all the way to the car.</p>
<p>You all can remind me of all this in twelve days. . . . Please?</p>
<p>Harriet, you’re absolutely right- they will have so much going on they won’t experience the pangs of parting! D has been off every summer so we’re experienced “parters”–I guess it’s just different this time. D was gone this past weekend so I had a bit of a premourning period. It helped me to realize how much work the house needed and all the projects I could undertake once I didn’t have to worry about a meal on the table every night after work! chepsi, hang out here with us. You’ll get lots of support and advice.</p>
<p>I think we will have a less dramatic departure. He has to be there early and so we have a day to “kill” before orientation even begins. I have a feeling we’ll be just as ready to head back as he will to have us gone! Plus, I will just keep reminding myself that we will be back to see him in a month! I really should get on that dinner reservation now.</p>
<p>We fly out in 14 days too, and S’s last weekend home he really won’t be, as he’s going to a big gaming conference with some of his friends. I actually think it’s better that way…we’ll have a big family BBQ this weekend so he can say goodbyes to his uncle and cousins.</p>
<p>He moves in on Wednesday and there are a lot of SEPARATE events for students and families. We’ll be around, and hopefully have dinner, but my guess is the goodbye will be at dinner, and he has some required freshman events right after, so it will be a fast one. Better that way, as I anticipate he’ll be one of the kids who just waves and walks away. </p>
<p>Then H and I leave in the morning for a long weekend at our vacation lake cabin to start our new life sans son. He was 9 when H and I met, so we’ve never had the “couple” only life. We golf a lot, so fortunately have a hobby, and working FT keeps me busy. But I’ll miss buying the sourdough bread and cokes, hearing the sound of young men laughing, the late night keyboard clicking…we’ll see him again in 5 weeks for Family Weekend, and I expect to see many changes.</p>
<p>So strange, I am graduating from the job of raising a child. Obviously, I’ll always be a parent, but in an entirely new way.</p>
<p>Gee, reading all these “launch” stories makes me kind of glad that we are moving D in early for training and not going back for orientation. I can blubber in the privacy of my own vehicle on the way back (I predict somewhere between Cleveland and Erie).</p>
<p>Good luck with anyone doing sendoffs this weekend as well…by some miracle at least here and there it is supposed to be rain-free all weekend!</p>
<p>Rachacha we are also moving our D (youngest) in early for practice and won’t be going back a week later either for orientation and do not plan on attending parents weekend either. </p>
<p>When S started they did all the orientation events during the summer prior to move in so when we left him it was move him in, set him up, run and get what ever we forgot and leave. Course it took all day to do that but still we were out of there by 4:30 since we still had a 6.5 hour drive to get back home. </p>
<p>We’ll be leaving D in similar circumstances. Her roommate will already be gone on a freshman outing for the week (she moves in the day before) and we will not meet her. D will have the room to herself for several days but she decided to go to practice instead of one of the outings.</p>
<p>Good luck to all.</p>
<p>I have another year to go before it’s my turn, but I started reading this thread at work today and realized I was crying. Had to close the window before my coworkers carted me off to the looney bin.</p>
<p>Good luck to you all! I’m dreading my turn next year. I’ll try to cherish all the time in between.</p>
<p>T minus two weeks till we fly up to NYC with D. She is doing a pre-orientation community service program on Friday and Saturday so we’ll have Weds and Thurs to buy stuff locally, then move in on Friday, H and I can buy whatever we didn’t already get on Sat, then orientation/good byes on Sunday. I’m sure by the time 4:45 Sunday rolls around (official kick out time for p’s) she will be so ready for us to leave already so she can continue the getting to know you activities college has planned. I bought tickets for a show for Sunday night so once we say our goodbyes, we will have something to focus on other than be all weepy all night before we fly home the next day. I bought tix to a silly musical comedy so maybe we will even laugh? Somehow I doubt it but maybe it’ll take our minds off the fact that our one and only has left and will now be living her own life without us!</p>
<p>Feeling sort of sad tonight – trying to “suck it up”. Question for you all . . . are you feeling a need to have a stiff upper lip for your kid so they don’t see how much this is bothering you? Or are you sharing your feelings? I don’t know how much to share or hide. Right now I am mostly hiding.</p>
<p>harriet–love your reminder of how hasty and awkward that actual parting goodbye can be. when I dropped off my s last yr, we exited the parent orientation and were surprisingly told to </p>
<p>“say goodbye” right there, as the students were meeting up with their orientation groups…realize now that it made it simpler, esp w a son. </p>
<p>couple times in last few days I’ve gotten tearful in front of my d as she has talked about how she “can’t believe she’s leaving in 4 days”–we hug and she seems to be nonplussed by my emotions. I hope/plan to make it to the car before becoming emotional when I drop d off this weekend. I agree that at that point our kids are focused on whats in front of them, the roommate, activity, dorm etc. and it would be nice for us parents to be keeping it together so they don’t have to be concerned about us. off to all nite walmart for d’s bike rack…</p>
<p>Tonight when I got home from work (about 7 as usual), Eggson greeted me with a hug. </p>
<p>First time… ever…</p>
<p>We drop him off Friday.</p>
<p>OMG! D2 just called…they are giving team time off over the weekend and she wants to come home! Has to be back for practice at noon Sunday. Lots of driving for short time home. I am not sure what to say, what is best. Will need some time to think this through!</p>