<p>lindz, hugs to you and your D.</p>
<p>Lindz, thinking of you and your D!</p>
<p>lindz - {{{hugs}}} and good thoughts to your and your D!</p>
<p>missypie - on the dance thing, D2 gave up competitive Irish dance as she entered high school. It was hard because I wasn’t ready for her to stop or to give up my circle of dance mom friends. I can’t imagine doing that at the same time as sending D1 off to college.</p>
<p>re: your S, I don’t have ADD experience, but my D has some organizational and motivation issues related to depression, and I have the same worries about her success in college. but just in the last few weeks, days even, I’ve seen glimmers of improvement which give me hope. so I think my-3-sons is right: a lot can change and it will happen at your S’s pace. hopefully, in a year’s time you will be giving positive advice to moms of rising freshman with similar issues. {{hugs}}</p>
<p>Oh, lindz, sending many prayers and good thoughts for your D (and for you!).</p>
<p>Harriet, good tips about saying goodbye. 23 days left to go here. My oldest S didn’t go very far away at all, so it was very different. But this S will be farther away. I am expecting to cry, but then I didn’t cry at the high school graduations, so maybe I won’t during drop-off, either. </p>
<p>One thing I did with oldest was take a pic (which I now can’t find!! Grrr…) of him turning and waving goodbye. I’m going to try and get one of this S doing that, also.</p>
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<p>You’re so right. Last year we stopped seeing the gymnstics team parents - we’d known some since pre-school. And I won’t see many of the dance moms (although I’ll see some through the other D’s drill team.) I like being a dance mom. I don’t *want *to be a cheer mom. (D13 reassured me that I’ll find friends among the cheer moms and no, I don’t need blonde hair.)</p>
<p>As for Son, yes, one step at a time. I admit that I’m tired of it all. I’m not by my nature a helicopter parent (ask my Ds and they’d say I sometimes err in the opposite direction). But I’ve had to be the safety net for Son and it’s mentally exhausting to think of the stakes being higher now.</p>
<p>Missy, I was all prepared to blather something about hoping it will all be ok for your son–but then realized nothing I could say would be as wise as the advice you’ve gotten above. Suffice it to say I’m hopeful he’ll step up when he’s at school–it’s very easy to rely on us when they’re living with us–and, with the tools and nudges above, I hope he’ll thrive in college!</p>
<p>Re: this whole friends thing.</p>
<p>Oldest D and Son didn’t really care (and quite appreciated) all the volunteering I did primarily because I am extremely organized (because I have to be or it’s a complete mess)k, take lots of pictures and well, they stay in the loop. D15 is a much different animal. I would say she hates to see me at any of her social stuff and would prefer to go through life pretending she is an orphan instead of having real parents who pay her tuition! She has always preferred to curl up and die vs my coming to the door to actually pick her up. Call other parents to get the scoop? Oh, the humiliation! It was never that way with oldest D and frankly, our Son could have cared less in a general way, and I came to love many of his friends. Younger D’s I haven’t really chatted it up with since 8th grade it seems! Basically, I was never as well connected to a circle of friends as I was with S and now that he’s leaving, I fear he is taking my social life with him! 
Plus… he used to drive D15 to school and now that task will be mine until she gets her license (which we never let them do until the spring AFTER they turn 16 as nothing good can come of a new driver mid-winter where we live). I honestly don’t know how well this is going to go that I will be driving through morning traffic with her mortified the entire time.</p>
<p>Modadunn, I have the most friends among the parents of D16’s friends…while she, also, is humiliated by our very exisitence, we’ve all been sitting together on the bleachers at dance competitions, football games, etc. for years, so I know them best. When she graduates, I’ll feel friendless…I had a lot of friends among the gymnastics parents but like I said, don’t know the cheer moms.</p>
<p>My girls played soccer, I was “friends” with the moms, but to be honest they were friends through soccer and not friends I might have had in my life without the sport to pull us together.</p>
<p>You only need 3-6 friends, really. At most. Others are more acquaintences. Seek out one or two of the dance mom’s who you really connected with and make some plans. If the friendship was “real” it will gel, if it wasn’t you havent lost anything.</p>
<p>One mom of one of my Ds friends, I did thing with her, hung out, while the girls were in school. After graduation, I tried to connect up with her, she was always busy or whatever. So I tried one more time and let it go. i thought back and it was a fair weather friendship. Fun at the time, but no real depth.</p>
<p>I guess I was using the term “friends” quite loosely. The dance moms, the gym moms, the other school parents are really only acquaintances whose company I enjoy. I think that is the cause of a bit of “empty nest” angst. While you are going to multiple soccer games, dance competions, choir concerts, booster club meetings every month, there are plenty of parents with whom you have at least one thing in common to chat with. With any luck you’ll hit it off with a few parents in each group and that makes your child’s high school days fun for you, too. But (at least for me) I can’t imagine socializing with most of those parents outside of the activity. When the kids are out of school, I think many of us realize that we haven’t formed a lot of close relationships - we just have a lot of acquaintances.</p>
<p>Thanks sabaray and harriett…my goal will be not to cry until I am out of sight 
And I will definetly hang out here, it is so nice to know that i am not alone with my feelings. Thanks!</p>
<p>appreciate all the positive thoughts…it is in these moments that you can see your child’s strengths…I feel proud of my d, she’s letting me know how much it sucks to have to deal with this (literally the day before she leaves for college) while also researching it on the internet, sharing it w big bro, and taking in hugs. I’d like to think we all grow thru these experiences, and she’ll have this to reflect on down the road as something she was able to deal with. </p>
<p>oh, I did promise we’d go get her a new cell phone today, (she did need one and plan was due for an upgrade) which I think was a good distraction as we wait til tomorrow morning’s procedure.</p>
<p>My thoughts and prayers are with you and you d, lindz!</p>
<p>Totally concur with Missy about friendship/acquaintance ratio. Thanks to job transfers (on their end not mine) I lost 4 true friends in one year. Frankly, with raising three kids you can’t really have many more than that as a transplant. The thing about MN is that a lot of people have been here for life and still have a lot of their HS friends… and too, while full of midwest hospitality, there is an old joke that says Minnesotans are happy to give you directions to the highway, but rare to get an invitation for dinner. :-)</p>
<p>I am still “best” friends with two of the women who moved away and one even flew in for a few days while I was out east just to hang out. I have a lot of lifelong friends there, but it was great to just have a “grown up” friend to hang out with that I actually picked out as an adult! We have kids the same age, but agreed a long time ago that we liked each other enough to not let our kids’ friendship determine ours. Best call I ever made. On the other hand, when it comes to my friends growing up, we tease one another all the time saying… “hmm… based on (insert behavior/quirk here), I don’t know if I would pick you today.” Mostly it’s just a harbinger to friendships 40 some years and counting, but it’s also very true!!!</p>
<p>This next year should be interesting because without D15 playing soccer, we wont be needing to sit in the stands and frankly, she never sat with us if bro was playing. But too, I think I need a break from all the volunteering crap. Now if I could only find a paying position, I’d love to actually put my skill set to work. Trouble is, I have a difficult time determining exactly what that skill set is!!!</p>
<p>I hear you about the sports/parents and friends! I recently went through this after D2 decided not to play basketball her senior year and just concentrate on the sport she would be playing in college. She would have been a starter and the coach and some of her best friends and their parents were not happy. We had talked about the strong possibility that friendship dynamics would change and of course they did. Families that we had been friends with for 9 years seemed to disappear. People we had vacationed with, supported through job losses and family deaths just floated away! We are “older” parents and been through this so expected it to happen but it does still surprise you.</p>
<p>D2 is coming home this weekend. She will be here for approximately 36 hours, most will be spent with boyfriend and sleeping before she needs to be back on campus. We hope touching base will put her in a good place and she can return without any misgivings. She did buy a school planner so we thought that was a positive sign!!! ;)</p>
<p>And I’m going to miss the local high school debate community! I was roped into judging when S was a sophomore, and judged ever since then. I have volunteered to continue judging for the local debate league tournaments (one per month).</p>
<p>lindz–I’ll be thinking about you and your daughter. </p>
<p>NM–glad that all worked out for her.</p>
<p>missy–Is it possible your DS wants one last chance to be irresponsible before faced with some enormous daily responsibilities? I bet he’ll be fine. </p>
<p>DD met her future roommate yesterday. They have A LOT in common: same HS sport, both want to study in same foreign country with similar language interests, both a bit on the shyer side, no current boyfriend for either (yeah as this was a big concern for DD), both pretty laid back in terms of the sloppy quotient, neither is a drinker, and neither wants the top bunk so no loft. It’s really kind of strange how much they have in common considering this is a large public with very little in terms of roommate screening/matching. There is a bit of screening in that D is on an honors floor, but that’s about it. D said the roommate seemed a bit concerned that D only lives 30 minutes from campus. She said she thinks it’s because the roommate is concerned she’ll go home a lot. D told her that is not the plan, and she’ll probably not go home anymore than anyone else. She also explained that even though there are a lot of kids from her HS at the university, she’s not friends with all of them and doesn’t even know all of them.</p>
<p>D went to dentist, doctor and dmv today. 4 shots, on cavity and hours waiting to replace lost drivers license.</p>
<p>She is going to be in a quad this year, looonnnggg skinny room with really high ceilings. Not what she wanted, but same for the other three girls. Buggest problem is stroage of the wardrobe. I am getting some very clever ideas if I do say so myself. Silver lining is that D now sees she has to be more selective in what she brings. SHe had a great attitude about getting her third choice dorm. Seems the other girls did as well. Within about an hour of getting assignments, they all facebooked each other. Seems it will work out well. At least no one seems “odd” so far and the “clothes are cute”</p>
<p>So tonight we are going to watch two movies filmed at Ds college. And eat brownies and drink cold milk and sort some more.</p>
<p>As I look around my house, and after taking my D all over the place for her appointments, reality is setting in.</p>
<p>I have made plans to meet with my GFs a week after I come back from taking D to NYC. A french place with handsome french waiters and great hors duvers and CHAMPAGNE. Figure it will be just about then the reality of being an empty nester will ahve set in. Oh and no husbands invited!!!</p>
<p>Great Idea! I think I will try to pull something like that together with the “just graduated” moms… an opportunity to also reconnect and see if the relationships have a chance to stick.</p>